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What to do at Christmas?

Storm76's picture

Submitted by Storm76 on Mon, 10/12/2009 - 3:48am

Sorry, I know it's only October, but everyone seems to be planning in Christmas stuff at the moment, so OH & I thought we should get organised - but it's just causing a headache.

Last year OH went round to BMs on Christmas morning for a couple of hours, then on boxing day we went up to his parents for a few days. So far this year the plan is we're taking the week before Christmas off & popping up to OH's parents, we're supposed to have SS10 on Christmas day itself, then BM have him after that.

However, issues coming up already are:

1. OH thinks BM will want to see SS10 on Christmas day for a few hours, but there's no way I'm letting her come round my house, nor do I want OH & SS10 heading off to hers whilst I'm left to do all the cooking!
2. We may or may not be invited to Christmas lunch at my parents as they live local, but my sister & one of my brothers are really anti that I've got a skid

There's a huge part of me that doesn't want SS10 to be with us at all for the holidays - I know I'm going to get wound up by seeing him spoilt with gifts, changing his mind about which parent he wants to be with and refusing to wear anything other than a football shirt, no matter where we're going.

Am I a horrible person?

Comments

stepoff's picture

Submitted by stepoff on Mon, 10/12/2009 - 8:03am

What does the custody agreement state regarding holidays? Being that BM had SS last year, I would think that you and DH would have him this year. How about spending Christmas Eve with SS and BM spend Christmas Day with him?

LizzieA's picture

Submitted by LizzieA on Mon, 10/12/2009 - 8:27am

We used to alternate with my DD. And the parent who didn't get Christmas, got a few hours on Christmas Eve. Worked fine. I go for a formal arrangement, otherwise you will be jerked around constantly. And boo to your sister and brother! May their future be full of bratty SKs--their own.

Storm76's picture

Submitted by Storm76 on Mon, 10/12/2009 - 8:38am

Part of the difficulty is that there isn't a formal custody agreement as they're not yet divorced (a big old thorn in my side!) Last year was the first Christmas they'd had to share out the time, and even so OH was still living in the same house. Part of the difficulty is that OH's parents live quite a distance away, so we tend to go up there for a minimum of 3 days at a time, whereas BM's parents live close by & she tends to only see them for the day, so when time is short it's difficult to get something that everyone thinks is fair!

I want to get into a routine for Christmas that makes sense - SS swapping parent halfway through Christmas Day would work this year well, but if that becomes the norm it means we can never go away over Christmas at all. Plus, OH is determined the BM will have SS for new year so we can go out, even though I pointed out it should really be our turn to stay in with him!

LotusFlower's picture

Submitted by LotusFlower on Mon, 10/12/2009 - 9:27am

I just have to ask cuz I can't figure it out......LOL...what is OH?....other husband?....LOL....I just can't figure it out....

A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....

Storm76's picture

Submitted by Storm76 on Mon, 10/12/2009 - 9:46am

OH - Other Half - I'm never sure what to refer him as - BF for boyfriend gets confused with birth father, FH for Future Husband... well we've discussed marriage in the future but there's nothing official yet!