how would you react to this
adult stepdaughter after many years of manipulation has decided she wants to "be real" and "try" again.
She talks, acts and dresses like a stipper and for all I know, she could be as she was raised by her mother, without morals and has no sense of anything moral.
I am hardly a prude but take offense to her manner of dress. I can look past the tramp stamp and tats, the safety pins in her earrings but draw the line at her wearing shorts when with us, so short, she might as well be wearing underwear.
I realize she does not have any concept this may be offense to some but if she goes out with us anywhere, I could run into someone I know and it would look badly upon me.
What would you do?
she shows up to go out to get something to eat wearing shorts that lok like underwear.
do you send her home and tell her to put something on that covers her rear end?
or give her the choice to go home and change if she wants to be with us?
or tewll her to go home and next time wear something that covers her rear end?
NO comment? what the heck
NO comment?
what the heck would you do if your adult stepdaughter shows up looking like she's ready to do lap dances....?
wanting to go out?
I just can't believe it and what also blows me away is my husband thinks nothing of it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its too unreal but I'm not going out with her like that.
do I give her a choice to go home and change ? or do I just send her away and tell her to not come around looking like that as she isn't going to be doing any lap dances when with us.
This is her mothers fault as she taught the girl no morals...
its soooooooooooo disgusting.
Even more pathetic, the attention she gets while dressed like a 5 dollar hooker, she thinks this means men think she's cool.
She has all kinds of moixed signals and I find her pathetic. If I don't tell her and go along with it... it would be most uncomfortable and think if I saw someone I knoew ! I'd be so embarrased, its not even worth it !
The key word is "adult"
The key word is "adult" stepdaughter. If she wants to look/act like a whore why are YOU getting stressed about it and expecting your husband to get stressed about it? She's an adult.period.
Don't go anywhere in public with her and just try to let it go. I'd just laugh at her to be perfectly honest...If it were my situation I'd be confident knowing that IF we saw someone I know while in public with her, they know me well enough to know I had nothing to do with the way the girl turned out...then they'd call me later and we'd have a nice laugh about SD's bright future working the pole. She's not yours. Not your problem and not your genes to get blood pressure boiling over.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
Just keep in mind: "She gets
Just keep in mind: "She gets it from her mother's side."
Do you think she'd want to go out for a 'girl's day out' with you--learn make-up ideas, fashion ideas, etc? Or maybe buy something for her that she might accept that is somewhat presentable (in your mind), that would still be fashionable (in her mind)?
Just a couple thoughts.
~*~Cheer Up, things could get worse.
So I cheered up, and things got worse!
NO, she has made it quite
NO, she has made it quite clear, she only tolerates me and has let me know
she plans to get her way.
I wish she was a nice girl but there is no hope with this situation or her and won't be maybe forever as she has modeled her mother, who is also amoral...
she allowed guys to sleep over when her daughter was 15...
so when I say she is amoral what I mean is, she does anything for her daughter to be her friend... she does not patrent her thus the girl has no respect for anything or anyone.
As an adult you would think
As an adult you would think that she would have a little more respect for herself. But she obviously does not. If this were me I would simply say when she shows up I am staying here you guys go get your dinner. When they want to know why tell them that your offended by the way she is dressed. You don't have to go or put yourself in that situation you can take yourself out of it. Eventually your husband might get tired of going without you and really see things for what they are.
Every parent I have seen try to be a friend instead of a parent, its always been a very bad out come.. Its sad really cause her mom hasn't taught her anything not even morals or values for herself. Maybe someday that will haunt her. when stepdaughter wakes up and looks in the mirror..
Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"
Sounds like you only
Sounds like you only "tolerate" her as well.
I wonder how your husband would feel about comparing his daughter to a stripper?
I would just suggest you keep your nose out of your husbands business, and his daughters. Since you did mention on a previous blog that they are a waste of your time anyways, why bother?
because she wants to go out
because she wants to go out with us dressed like that...
with us driving her in our car and to have us treat her...
while she looks and sounds like a 5 dollar hooker.
If she was going out with her friends, wouldn't matter to me, but in my presence I do not want her looking like that and the swearing has to stop... its called common courtesy
as I do not live in her world.. and do not want to.. its her wanting to come into ours.
It's her who wants a relationship, so she says...
BUT IT WILL NOT BE ON HER TERMS. It will be on ours... isn't that fair? as she is the one who has the history of lies and manipulation... not us.
She when 15 called her mother and told her mother I was abusing her....
the girl has no concept of reality or fairness...
this is my concern... she is amoral and most likely has some sort of undiagniosed mental condition. She even tried to tell me, she could come with her friends over to my house and party if she wanted !
Thats why...
she is out of touch with reality ! and always trying to manipulate.
It doesn't have to be on her
It doesn't have to be on her terms but it's also not worth giving yourself hypertension bc she wants to be a cheap little hooker. You get stressed over who she is and how she looks...who is winning here? She is.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
This is something that your
This is something that your husband is going to have to deal with. If you are so put out with the way the girl acts and dresses you need to take this up with him and tell him that unless he says something to her, you will not be accompanying them in public. You can only control yourself.
yeah I told him... he is
yeah I told him...
he is just going to have to choose to stand on my side or hers
as he said he didn't notice her dressing slutty.
I guess because his ex dresses like that..........
so....... what can you say.
He is just going to have to choose as I'm not going to be arguing over this..............
with either of them.
I think if she wants to
I think if she wants to spend time with us, she should dress with a covered rear end.. I don't think thats too much to ask.
I also do not want to hear swearing as I do not swear and I don't care to hear it.
I do believe I'm not asking for anything unreasonable.
no you're not being
no you're not being unreasonable...not at all! But if hubby doesn't care how his baby girl dresses ya gotta throw your hands up at some point and stop caring as well and just take a step away from the train wreck
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
I had this problem with SD
I had this problem with SD when she was younger (about 13). We were going somewhere (the whole family), and SD came out of the house in a shirt that showed her bra. Like literally the shirt was see-through and you could clearly see her bra. I said no way and sent her back in the house to change. That precipitated a HUGE fight between me and SD and DH. He didn't see what the problem was either. I just stood my ground. Either she changed or we did not go. She ended up changing and was pissy toward me the whole time (as was DH). But no way I was going to go out and have people see her and think I had agreed that her attire was appropriate.
Next time SD shows up and wants to go somewhere, tell her you're not comfortable being seen in public with her based on the way she is dressed. Offer her some alternative clothes, or tell her you will not be going out. Let your husband go if he wishes to be associated with her, but stand your ground!
Glad someone else sees my
Glad someone else sees my point about the manner of dress.
My husband says he is not comfortable telling her she is dressed slutty so I told him I would tell her... he then said I was controlling.
This is a very bad situation we have. I do not believe my husband makes good choices as when I met him she was walking all over him and he admits it, still... he is unwilling to hear me out or stand by my side.
I beleive sd will find any cracks we may have and since she is manipulative she will be looking for them.
I told him she has to PROVE to us we can trust her and that she in fact wants a relationship...
not a date.
My husband is having many problems doing the work, yet he expects me to be uncomfortable and put up with things I deem unfit to be around. My husband is thick headed and is not equipped to deal with his daughter and refuses my help too.
Very bad problems here.
So don't go anywhere with
So don't go anywhere with her and that way you won't have to deal with that type of nonsense.
Make it so that YOU are happy, and if her sense of style is not what you consider appropriate then leave it alone and keep it moving.
Is it ever cold where you live? Let her wear her little poompoom shorts in the dead of winter so her ass crack can freeze off.
After our last meeting,
After our last meeting, husband says NO MORE GOING OUT with her !
HOORAY !!!!!
well.................. He
well..................
He just told me he chooses her. He does not see her dress or swearing and says all the young people do it.
He wants to come get his stuff.
Mind you I have a temp and sick today....but I guess he does not respect me much to ask me to tolerate things I'm not comfortable with. He should marry a stripper next time and not a christian woman.
well.................. He
well..................
He just told me he chooses her. He does not see her dress or swearing and says all the young people do it.
He wants to come get his stuff.
Mind you I have a temp and sick today....but I guess he does not respect me much to ask me to tolerate things I'm not comfortable with. He should marry a stripper next time and not a christian woman.
He wants to come get his
He wants to come get his stuff? I'm confused. Over his trashy,slutty daughter???
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
yep he said he has had
yep
he said he has had enough and sees nothing wrong with how she was dressed or talks.
I do.......... and I'm not saying that to be prudish or anything, she actually does dress and talk like a stripper and when she is with us I want her to dress and talk respectfully...
he says I is making him choose and I lose.
I am making him choose to either stand with me or not.
At this point although it is disappointing, I know it will not end badly on my side in the future as I'm not wanting to be around her or conform my life around hers.
yep... he chooses her.. wants to come get his stuff.. I asked him to wait until at least my fever has gone down but I am guessing he won't... as he does not seem to care much about me from all he has shoared with me today.
He says he is tired of it.. and I am too
but he is not willing to do the hard part to straighten his daughter out......... and ask her to be respectful. He wants me to conform to her and I'm not doing it !!!
No way, no how...
She said "Your kid or
She said "Your kid or me".
He said "Kid".
This is an example of sweating the small stuff.
Don't like SD's shorts? Don't go out with SD. I don't know why it is an epic battle to make an adult dress differently.
Sucks that they split over this. Clearly there were some other issues at play to make his kid's shorts divorceworthy.
I wish it were like that but
I wish it were like that but here is how it was planned.
We wanted to work together
as to not let her manipulate us and her requests as she is going on 20 and still wants to do the every other weekend...
I declined for years as she would blow up at nothing and start drama, accusing me of abusing her.
so... I stood to the side while he "dated" his daughter. After she turned of age...
he wanted me to come too on the "dates"
and I could not because of her mouth. She came over hysterical one day saying she came first and a bunch of other bull chit
and husband at that time said we would start doing things different..
meeting her at church and places that were not datelike... and I was going to come... but husband does not want to do the work now as he says he doesn't want to go to church and how she dresses and talks does not bother him...
so
he does not want to do the work of the plans we made to build a trusting relationship with his daughter and have her respect us as a married couple...
he says I nag when I say I dont like how she is dressed or her swearing....
and it seems he wants me to conform to her ideals and moral standards which are much like a stripper.
so thats it...
I give up............... he made his choice.
I'm not the one making this bad, he is.... to be honest I have had a hard life and worked hard and this girl is not going to drag me down and cause me to lose my home and [possible legal trouble ( she wants to come here and party with her underage friends)
My husband is apparently.. an idiot.
oh well.... what can I do but look to the future?
one without him and his slutty daugher.
BTW, he has a son and there are no problems there... why? because his son isn't disrespctful and abusive or manipultive. He does not swear in front of us or act slutty... if he did I would not allow that either and tell him... but I can't tell dauughter? husband says it will make her unco=mfortable.
big flip... someone needs to tell her.... she is a waste of human life in my opinion, nothing but a user and manipulator and husband needs to be with her so she can destroy him.
Guess thats what he wants.
We will have a clean, quick divorce as I will give it to him
so he can fully experience his daugher.
ha.
what a fool I married.
Guess I should go to the
Guess I should go to the bank and close my account before he disrepcts me more and robs me.
bad day here.
This really sucks honey. I'm
This really sucks honey. I'm so sorry he's doing this. I'd like to say you're better off without him but I know that never helps to hear that anyway. (((BIG HUGS))) please keep us updated and let us know what's going on. Get your money and he can get his stuff when you're feeling better.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
I am not going to the
I am not going to the bank... let him take the money and he will look even worse in court. He can't touch my retirement or my house as they are mine and mine alone ( my house was paid for long before I ever met him)
I will tell the judge how he picked his daughter over his wife, maybe his daughter will come to court with her tramp stamps, facial peircings, shorty shorts, bleach white hair so the judge can see.
haha
I will not conform to his
I will not conform to his daughters ideals and lifes choices....
and will not be forced to. His daughter was walking all over him when I met him.... she told lies about me and made a very bad situation for herself as she verbally abused me over and over and over for years.
Becayuse of this I did not want her to come over into our home and he saw her without me for years. Now she is going on 20 and he wants to see her and "hang out" and wants me to conform to her and her ideals... as he has not been doing it for awhile.
She wants to keep doing the every other weekend thing
and for him to have his own place so she can use it to party as she cannot do that here.
My husbands wishes...
Not going to happen... why? because I'm not stupid and did not work hard my whole life to let this girl use and abuse me
or any man I'm married to... he chooses her... he does so alone as I'm not buying any of that and I don't think I should conform to her lifestyle, dress, language... she
should conform to mone as she is the one wanting to come into our lives. Her mother is a very slutty woman who cheated on my husband when she was married to him and even tried to kill him ( so he says)...
I'm sure his ex and adult daughter will be happy to finish up where they left off. In my heart I know I did nothing worng and not asked for anything unreasonable. If he wants to be with them...
then so be it...
I will tell the judge my side and we will divorce.
I would still take care of
I would still take care of the bank account today. Has he been staying somewhere other than your house or has this all gone on while he is at work?
I'm standing my ground... he
I'm standing my ground... he will come home eventually.. if he wants to negotiate...
I'm not budging because I am not asking for anything unreasonable.
If anyone thinks I am, say so....
she will conform to me and act well in my presence with her butt covered and no swearing or drama...
or she won't. Husband doesn't like it... he can get his own place and let her walk over him, she's not doing it to me and in no way am I going to look at her buttcheeks hanging out or listen to her swearing and listen to her bad attitude and craziness. His daughter I think is borderline personality disorder and there is no room in my life for some crazy girl in my life ...to
run me into the ground.
This may be harsh and rigid but life can be that way and I don't want to be the one who ends up crying my life is a mess because I let some crazy girl come into my life and take my life over, which is what she wants, to control me and my husband...
she may have manipulatyed him but she's not doing it to me. I know a slutty girl when I see and hear one.
My husband chooses her...
My husband chooses her... after I showed him her myspace page, where she "HATES HIM"
and after his stories how his ex chated on him and tried to kill him
what a damn fool I married !!!!!!!!!!!
shesh.
what else can I say?
I guess its over because there is no further negotiation.
any man who would ask his wife to tolerate such things isn't much of a husband.
It sounds like there was
It sounds like there was more to this than just shorts. She's 20 years old, I don't think you or anyone can do anything about how she dresses. If she wants to stand on the corner and give old men BJ's that's really HER choice Jeans. You don't have to agree with it, you don't have to be around her. I think that maybe you chose a battle that wasn't really your fight to fight.
I'm sorry it went so far as your husband telling you he's leaving.
Hope it all works out.
Yes I doo have to be around
Yes I doo have to be around her as my husband is asking me too...
he wants me to let her into our lives and that means he wants to broing her into our lives.
We just had a 2 hour fight... at least it seemed like 2 hours. but I told him... if she is going to be around me, my boundries are...
she dresses and talks with respect... no drinking and no bringing her friends. She will have to PROVE we can trust her and that means we do not take her out on dates.... no going out to eat... we meet her and give her a chance. I told husband its going to take some time and do not expect miracles as she has proived for years and years in many ways she is immature, unrealistic and
not to be trusted.
I told husbvsnd I may have to call police on her at some point... so he better pick now whose side he is going to be on as I'm not giving her an inch... she is someone who takes advantage of everything and it's going to be up to prove to US and me she can now be truatwed, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND !
Call the police on her for
Call the police on her for what?
Fashion police?
Nothing you've described has her doing anything to you in any violation of any law.
I am trying to find an angle to get behind you and support you but you are giving me painfully little to work with.
Instead of fighting with your DH and ruining your marriage, why don't you just let it go? Ignore it. Ignore her. Think about yourself and your marriage.
how do I do that when I am
how do I do that when I am being screamed at and caled names by her? that is all she has done since the day I met her.
now I am expected to forgive and forget all that and let her into my life?
I am not kidding to say she has NEVER ONCE said a kind word to me. She has called me lots of names, threatened me, told me what I would do for her.
Because she apoliged to MY HUSBAND and talking to him via email and phone I am supposed to overlook everything and welocome her with open arms !
so I'm really having problems letting it go and talking her in to my life.
my husband came home after I
my husband came home after I asked him not to and he has not left but told me if I didn't cool it, he would divorce me.
He is pushing me to be around her then he makes up the rules without regaurd for me.
what a bunch of kaka........... I told him I will NOT in any way back down as this is not about her comfort, but mine
as I am not the one who has been on a terrorizing binge for several years and started all this...
I am going to stand my ground no matter what. If he wants to leave me so he can provide a crash pad for his slutty daughter to walk all over him when he is a bigger fool than I think he is.
I have boundries and she will respect them.
I will make sure. NO way is this little witch going to run over me.
Husband is not being very considerate of my feelings, boundries, comfort level at all.
He is making a big mistake and I also refuse to be pushed according to his timelines.
I told him I would meet her and give her a chance... no date like senerios... no going out for recreation... just meeting with her for short intervals 1-2 times a month. After one meeting, he has already jumpeed ahead a year into having her come over.
All week I've been telling him NO to his plans for this, for the week and he has ignored me. He does not care about my comfort.
He cares more about her and I do not like it.
I told him its up to her to prove herself to us ( and me) not the other way around. I have never done anything to her.........
and
it really upsets me she once accused me of abusing her.
shesh
now.. a few hours later he
now.. a few hours later he says he can't ask her to meet us at a local park because it's not safe for her..
what ?
we tell her which park, give her directions and she looks for our car... and we go for a walk.
he does not want to sit you see and talk... he wants to do something.... he does not want to go to church.. he does not want to have her meet us at several places I mentioned.
and then he tells me... if he does not like how I act, he will just see her by huimself.. so why should I even try?
He should just get his own place so she can walk all over him, like it was when I met him.
She sure isn't going to walk all over me or do the things she told me she weas, like bring her friends to my house to party... for one they aren't even of legal age to drink, not to mention drive drunk. I could be sued
to allow this to happen and I told her no and she has a fit.
I told my husband he is either with me fully on this or forget it because apparently... HE HAS NO CLUE how to handle her and even proved he can't. She is very good at manipulation and I believe trying to come into our lives to see what she can get us to do for her... and entertain her ( and her friends)
she told us the last time we met she has no money, yet she worte all over her myspace page about her new tats and peircings, clubs she goes to.. she has money for that...
but tells us she's broke
Wow, sounds like your
Wow, sounds like your husband picked his daughter over you. I'd remember this and divorce him. This kid(adult) isn't going to back down. I have two adult step sons and after some epic battles I told my husband to hit the road if he didn't respect me around them. He choose me. I never wanted to make it a me or them scenario but it became one when my entire paycheck was going to pay for stuff they wanted, not needed. Told him I had enough and I married him not his adult sons who refuse to work. Anyhow this isn't about me. I'd let him go if I were you, sure it will hurt at first but you will be better off in the long run.
As far as the slutty clothes, my daughter thought she was going to pull that with me when she was 13. She was told she wouldn't go anywhere with me until she learned to dress. I'm not a prude either but I didn't find it cute to have shorts that were 2 sizes too small on with the word "baby" on the butt and the side ties pulled. She learned when her sister and I went out to eat and she was brought home a doggy bag.
yep he told me he chooses
yep
he told me he chooses her over me
and was leaving me. I told him I'd have his stuff ready for him... he came home, we fought a few more hours and then he said a bunch of stupid things. I still refused to budge of my demands.
He called me controlling, unreasonble, etc...
I asked him how he wanted to go about the divorce and to decide now if he wants to be married to me or not.
Although he said he wanted to stay married to me after several hours of fighting
and would be willing to let his daughter go, cut off any relationship with her if she continues to be disrespctful, I don't think this is over.
think he was testing me, like she tests me and both of them are going to find out, I'm ready and able to drop them both from my life if this continues, she is no longer going to be calling me names and she will act respectful and my husband will not insisit I go out with her and him when she is dressed like a slut. I told him that if he is too stupid to realize she is dressing like one I will point it out to him.
I have decided no more and husband now knows he is not going to force me to accept her under these conditoins she is abusive to me. period.
He tested me, she tests me... they will never win me over to accepting things the way he has allowed it to become. I told him he makes no more decsions about her as he only makes bad ones and doesn't even realize she dresses like a 5 dollar hooker with pants so tight her buttcheeks and flab are pushed out the bottom of her shorty shorts, which ARE 2 sizes 2 small for her.
Not to mention peircings and tats. I can overlook those even though I find them disgusting but she will not be anywhere with me dressed like a 5 dollar hooker on her way to a naval station to go to work.
I guess what started all this is he made plans for us to meet her at a place I have a private membership too and told her we would drive her ( what happens if she has another one of her fits? I will lose my membership? wow that would make me mad !!!)
and he did this all himself.... and then I am sick with a fever
and don't want to go for 2 GOOD Reasons now and he says I am manipulating HIM !
That sure ticked me off... and what started this all today, fighting all day. I am running a fevor and he is taunting me...
that makes him pathetic in my eyes, he even told me I wasn't that sick !
which only ticked me off worse !
He says if I was really sick I wouldnt argue ...
but being sick only makes me more intolerant of the nonsense.
She has a long history of explosive temper and calling me names, why should we meet at my club?
Lets meet at his club with his friends and have her have a fit !!!
He does not want to do the work... he just demands I accept his choices and daugheter and thats not happening here.
Stay strong - he sounds
Stay strong - he sounds delusional. I would not let her go to my club EVER or appear with her in public if she does not have her butt covered (I think that is a reasonable boundary)!!!!!!!! and cannot control her profanity. If he wants to divorce over that, good riddance.
I think you should just wrap this up and say, you have made your position clear and no longer want to talk about it for a while. I would get mad at him for doing this while you don't feel good. He needs to respect you and quit pestering you about it like a kid. But I would take my money from the bank, you never know and might need it.
_________________________________________________________
"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)Husband sends me an email
Husband sends me an email this morning from work that he loves me. I can't do anything but shake my head in amazement.
I did not respond. I will never email him again.
If she wants to dress like a
If she wants to dress like a slut it her choice.
But basically when you guys go to a restaurent make it very clear, its etiquette that she dresses covered or she doesn't join you guys. Period.
Your dh is a whimp!!!
Most men aer when it comes to their princesses.
My dh doesn't want to hurt his daughter but i have to give him credit, when it comes to clothes and makeup , if she looks like a whore he tells her right off the bat. She gets angry and says no...and he says..oh yah, you dont know how to put makeup on. Go get lessons.
BUt i dont like him being that in yoru face...he could say, oh put on less and make it light..you dont want your eyes to look bruised.
There are so many ways to say something.
Yah, i guess your dh is used to his ex dressing like this but that doesn't mean you have to endure it publically.
Does your Sd realize how she dresses? Maybe taking her to a high class party and let her dress like trash may open her eyes...unless she does it for attention.?
We ( husband and I ) are
We ( husband and I ) are having a much better week this week.
Hey, great - glad to hear
Hey, great - glad to hear it!!
_________________________________________________________
"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)Maybe its good things got so
Maybe its good things got so ugly last week as we went to new territory and now have plans I feel are more solid.
We are also more ready for anything she may throw our way now.
My husband agreed we are not going to go on DATES with her and her every other weeknd days are over. If she wants to be in our lives, which she is asking, it'll be doing what we want to do and want her to be involved with... she is not going to call the shots or run the show. My husband now agrees to this fully
as we discussed the past dealings with her and what we hope to accomplish.
The main thing is she shows NO RESPECT for us and acts as if the whole world revolves around her, so we are going to deal with that first....
by agrreing to meet her outide in a public place to see if she can act civil. If she can and after we are sure she can respectfully control herself and accepts we aren't always going to do what she wants, when she wants, we will start to ask her over to watch a movie or a pre-determined amount of time ( about an hour or so)
as she is wanting in our lives and hewr days of every other weekend and being treated all the time are over.
My husband agrees. If she wants to go out ( asking us to take her) we are going to ask her if she has enough money to also take us... if not, she should make plans on her own as we normally don't go out to eat and we don't live the high life...
of staying out all night and sleeping all day, like she does, so
we are all in sync now. I didn't think the fighting would help,
but it actually did.
so... now we wait and see how the meetings with her go.
Husband says he is with me and agrees what we have to do and that is since she is going on 20 and lives with her mom, that she does not expect things from us we can't give her or that she thinks we are her recreation or meal ticket. Her life is now up to her...
not us.
We are open to having her in our lives as long as she respects the fact, we have our own lives and not going to change to please her and don't care what she thinks about it.
When my husband and I do go out, we will go on DATES with ourselves as a couple... which will be a nice change as his daughter needs to go find a boyfriend if she is too big for santas lap now...
we are not her wallet, her recreation, here for her amusement.
I think everythings going to be ok now no matter what she does, my husband and I have fully covered all possibilities.
It's been a much better week this week and we plan to meet her this weekend at the mall, where we will walk and shop for something we need, which is a new winter blanket.
If she doesn't like it, she will have her own car there and can just go somewhere else.
Have you tried praying for
Have you tried praying for her? You talk of morals which would make me think maybe there are some Christian values, yet you say there is no hope because she was raised by her mother?
Maybe your best thing is to try to be a good example for her. It sounds like she probably doesn't know better. Love her through it. Or make a suggestion like, the restaurant we are going to has a dress code and I think you might feel out of place. Maybe take her shopping so you know she has something appropriate. Or let it be her choice. But don't expect your husband to choose between you and her. If it bothers you, then maybe you should excuse yourself from the dinner invitation. I understand being embarrassed. I have sons who have girlfriends that I have been quite embarrased to go out with. But because I love my sons, I held my head high with the fact that I didn't dress them, that I wasn't dressed that way - and if anyone felt so judgemental as to judge me because of that, then they really weren't people I wanted to be around anyway.
Easier said than done, believe me I know - but come on - you have to be the adult here - even if she should be, too.
we tried all that and more,
we tried all that and more, never worked...
the only thing that has worked is cutting her off and telling her no. I think its called tough love.
When we cut off her medical insurance because she wasn't paying her copays and stgopped giving her money...
she all of a sudden got better, the fits of rage stopped and she became civil.
thats what worked.
It also worked with my husband when I refused to deal with any of the nonsense. He woke up too.
This is all working out
This is all working out since our big fight...
he doesn't even want to go anywhere with her anymore. Good...
she can come over and watch us sleep and watch TV as we are working people who get tired...
she is a adult who still lives at home with her mother and has no responsibilities... if she wants to go out, let her find others like her or someone who wants to share that lifestyle with her.
Things are going wonderfully here with H and step daughter !!!!
After our big fight last week... there have been major changes.
I'm glad to hear that Jeans,
I'm glad to hear that Jeans, I did think of something funny if it hadn't worked--you could dress up (for a joke) just like she does (maybe for church) and when your husband has a fit, look at him and say, 'What?" Sometimes people are blind and you have to shock them.
Today my husband comes home
Today my husband comes home and to my amazement... he is disengaged too.. he says he has had enough of his kids BS.
and we have.
I have a lot of sympathy for
I have a lot of sympathy for you as I am also dealing with disrespectful and hostile adult stepkids and I can certainly understand your reluctance to let her back into your life after her past behavior.
I am glad that your house is in your name and that you have your own financial resources in case this ever happens again as it seems to me that DH was far too persistent at one time over this. I was also appalled that he made plans to meet her at your own private membership club without asking you!
I am glad that things seem to be working out better for you now and hope that this continues.