I married my DH almost 11 years ago. At the time, he had SS15, SD12, SD8, and SS3 in his care. Actually the oldest is Autistic and has lived in a group home since he was 8, but we did get frequent visits from him. I have tried my darndest for 11 years to raise these children with my DH as best as I can. We have also had 3 boys..now 9, 8, and 6. The first SD is now married and has a baby. Her husband is awesome and I love him dearly. I feel as if, to my SD21, i am disposable. No matter what I do, I can never do right by her. She has chosen to block me from FB and use that as a manipulation tactic because she knows it hurts me. Their baby just turned a year and they had a great birthday party. I have to say, that there was absolutely NNNOOO drama there and it was all about that sweet baby girl. She even let me make the ladybug cupcakes for the party. It has been rocky with our relationship, but I really believe that she likes to keep me on the outs because its a good conversation piece for her and her friends, and quite a few in mu DH's family. They have all judged my parenting from teh beginning and that is what I am sopoo done with!!! When the second Sd was a junior in HS, she had quite a few goals that she wanted to accomplish...like getting into teh dental program, getting scholarships.....I did everything that I could to encourage her and also ggive her (figuratively) a swift kick in teh butt when she ws falling back and not doing her best. That led to tension and my husband, instead of manning up and being a parent, sent her off to live with his sister across town... NOT GOOD!! So now, 2 years later, she is NOT going to school, not working and is shacking up with a kid who is on felony probation and on teh sex offender registry. My husband doesnt seem to think he had anything to do with where she is now..SOOOO DELUSIONAL!!!!
SOOOOOO I get to the real issue at hand. SS14 is a Freshman in HS and is Special Needs. He has ADD and Reactive Detatchment Disorder (neglected by mom as an infant). He has been in special Ed classes from teh very beginning and I the only thing that I have ever asked him is that he try HIS best. Year after year, he has basically been doing allot of the same math work..over and over...Allot of teh time, unless he is ohysically being watched, he will not stay on task. His backpack and desk at home look like a time bomb went off in them. I know I should have disengaged a LONG time ago, but I know that my DH WILL NOT help him really..he might say he will, but he is quite a talker...and not allot of follow up!!! I was organizing my other little boys paperwork the other night and SS was cleaning his room (This literally takes him from hours to days) and I told him it might be a good time while he was cleaning his room to organize his paperwork. He pulled it out of his desk..this massive stack of jumbled mess and proceded to spread it out in my living room to "organize" it. I was giving him tips of what how to organize (lieterally for the 1000th time) and chuuming with him. I told him that when I was done with teh little boys papers, I would help him, bt he had to be working on it. I kept hearing...I'd rather be playing games right now...I'm getting tired of this..I'm getting hungry...and excuse in the world. I got miffed and said "Fine'''there's the garbage. If you're not gonna take time to organize it so you can have it for semester tests, you might as well throw it away. Right then my DH husband walks into the room, and tells him to just leave that stuff there and go and get something to eat.....tries to lecture me about being light and easy...just CRAP!!! IM SO DONE!!!!
DO...DISENGAGING..WHAT DO I DO...I KNWO I WILL HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS SCHOOLWORK AT ALL ( EVEN IF i AHVE BEEN THE DRIVING FORCE FOR THE LAST 11 YEARS), HE WILL BE DOING HIS OWN LAUNDRY, IF HE DOESNT DO HIS CHORES OR CLEAN HIS ROOM, HIS DAD WILL JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM, DAD WILL HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO REMIND HIM TO SHOWER AND BRUSH HIS TEETH, ETC (As he usually will not do so if not reminded), DAD WILL AHVE TO HELP HIM FINISH UP THE ALST 3 BADGES FOR HIS EAGLE SCOUT, AS I REFUSE TO DO ANY MORE WITHOUT THIS BOYS MOTIVATION BEING TEH DRIVING FORCXE..DAD WILL BE THE ONE TO CHECK UP ON HOMEWORK AND FOLLOW THROUGH. IF HE DOESNT..THATS NOT ON ME.....AM I MISSING ANYTHING!!!! I AM SOOO READY TO DISENGAGE FORM THIS CHILD RIGHT NOW AND I AM SICK OND TIRED OF BEING THE ONLY PARENT, STEP OR OTHER, WHO HAS ANY KIND OF EXPECTATIONS...ADVICE!!!