Am I going crazy?
Although husband and bm have skids 50% of the time each, they are with us 90% of the time. Some of the excuses for not seeing the kids are believable- I mean I can't question whether someone else is sick. It's suspicious when they are sick for 3 months but still plausible. There are other excuses for not seeing the kids, however. "My good friend Suzie (name changed) died and I must go to the funeral" Husband knows Suzie and is very sad about her untimely death. After a few emotionally charged phone calls from husband to mutual friends, he discovers that Suzie is still alive. BM stopped returning texts and phone calls as husband tried to figure out who is actually dead. We are still not sure.
Then, her house flooded. It stayed flooded for about 3 weeks. This was followed by another illness. Then she was working late. In the meantime, she told her kids that husband is not allowing her to see them. '
I want to believe her but honestly it seems too convenient that she is sick/ flooded/ at a funeral when the kids are supposed to see her.
By the way, we do not live in a place where it floods. (I guess anyplace could potentially flood so I should not say that).
Part of what makes me feel bad is that- OK, I'll be honest- I don't believe her- but I have to tell her kids that they cannot see her because of floods when they are not dumb enough to think that a house with no basement can be flooded for 3 weeks when it does not rain very often.
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Our BM did this to us for
Our BM did this to us for about 8 or 9 years and finally I couldn't take it anymore and was going to divorce my DH over it.
BM ran around having the time of her life and going through man after man and on vacation after vacation while I raised her kids and took them to school, doctor, etc. She even got her full child support and we had them 95% of the time. My DH was glad to have the kids and never saw a problem with it. But in reality, he didn't have them - I did. He was gone working and going to the gym. I became a baby-sitter with no rights and no authority. BM would tell them not to listen to me and to treat me badly.
I built up such resentment for it that I started hating my DH and my stepsons from the stress of it all. I wanted OUT and I even interviewed lawyers.
I've been in marriage counseling for a little over a year now, but the resentment is still so strong I'm having a hard time getting over it. My DH has bent over backward trying to make up for it and he tells her no every time she wants us to take the kids extra. But truthfully it doesn't make up for all the years I was soooo taken of advantage of and I was desperately ill for many of those years with one collapsed lung.
Make and stand now and DEMAND that the CO be followed to the T. The resentment will build and you will end up hating your DH.
When it's her time, it's HER problem. Any marriage counselor will tell you that too.
Our BM moved 35 miles away, but kept the kids in school by us. She tried as hard as she can to get out of driving them to school and picking them up ever day on her time, but I flat out refuse to now.
What she is doing to you is not fair and you DH needs to grow a set of balls and tell her no before it ruins your marriage.
Why is her time more valuable than yours? Screw her.
The thing is- I actually
The thing is- I actually don't mind parenting the kids. I work long hours so it's tough but I feel like they are better with myself and my husband than they are with their mother. We have them 90% of the time, and husband pays a small amount of child support each month to this woman who never sees her kids. We talked about how it would be easier if he had full custody- BM will cancel things at the last minute making it difficult for us to make plans for the weekends. On "her" weekends we just don't know whether the kids are with us, or not! Unfortunately, BM has what seem to be unlimited financial resources (how dad ended up paying her child support is beyond me) and uses a vicious lawyer. If we tried to sue for custody, we would spend a lot of time in court and would spend a lot of money on legal fees with no guaruntee that things will work out in our favor. I've found that if you have a lot of money, you can get your way. Also, if we try to sue for custody, it might make BM decide to take the kids more often as she will be forced to confront the fact that she is perhaps not cut out for parenting.
As long as we look the other way and he pays child support, she leaves us alone more. I consider it him paying her to leave us alone. But it is hard because as a step parent I do not have any rights. I actually supply the kids' health insurance but I need to ask permission to take them to a doctor. If they are having a problem at school, the teachers contact their BM as opposed to me who has them most of the time. I help them with their homework, make sure they have school supplies, drive them around... I work many more hours than their dad does so he is home more often than I am, and therefore cares for the kids more often.