inexperienced with the family court system
Hi everyone, just looking to see if anyone has had any similar experience or can offer any thoughts on how this may unfold...
I live with my husband and my SS8. We have no bio kids together and have a shared custody arrangement with his ex. There is no CS as we share time with the child and thus share the costs to raise him. All other costs, after-school activities, healthcare, sports, etc. have been split 50/50.
The ex-wife is remarried and has another child with her new husband. A few months ago, she stopped paying for her portion of the above shared expenses. She said that her new child's daycare costs a lot. She also cut her working hours down, now to only 3 days per week. She said we owe her money.
She said she will be taking us to court for CS. I think we have a solid case why that is ridiculous, but am worried anytime there is a stranger determining what happens in our life. Also, I read that it is true we would have to pay her money b/c she has another child! That is where my question lies, if her new baby means she cannot support her first child - can she just bail on paying for the activities and health insurance? It has been a no CS and split costs 50/50 plan for 6 years. I don't see how a judge can pretty much have us pay to support her new baby. Does this really happen??
It all depends on the laws of
It all depends on the laws of the state you live but maybe. If your state has a webpage you may search there to see if the guidelines are posted. I was able to pull the form the court uses to calculate CS for non custodial parent and instructions from the site. In our state the cost of the child is you get credit for parenting time, paying insurance, and additional children. It might help you estimate how much the change in circumstances will affect things.
The biggest determiners are the % of income and the % of time the child spends with each parent. If you are paying for insurance this is usually treated as support paid. There are adjustment for subsequent children but that is actually very minimal.
You really won't know unless you speak with an attorney about the specifics.
Very funny Scotty. Now beam
Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes!
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Sorry you are going through
Sorry you are going through this. I could have written your story myself. Unfortunately BM took my DH to child support after years of him providing for our home and hers. When she decided to have a baby with her current husband and things became tight he receives an order to appear at the CS office. We are fighting but according to the laws in our state DH will have to pay her something because he makes more money than her.
My advice for you is to document every thing and be prepared to show he does support his child. Be accountable gave you great advice as to any extras being gifts and there's no requirement for her to show what she spends CS on.
Wow!! thanks guys! I was
Wow!! thanks guys!
I was reading online that another child in BM's house means DH has to pay more... I didn't realize that they were saying another that they share! Now I feel silly! I thought she could keep haivng babies and keep decreasing what she contributes toward the raising of my skid.
Luckily, she texts and emails all of this; from her moving from full-time to part-time work, saying we should pay her b/c her daughter is costing so much money, etc.
SS spends 3 nights a week with us, she complains about the cost of that extra night she has him, but when we offer to take him and the cost she said no way. She knows that is the key to he getting money. She pretty much thinks being a mom is a paying job
Beaccountable, I love your point about the gender bias -- will definitely keep that in mind.
You know, its so crazy. My husband and I are far from perfect, but we always put the kid first. Thats why we kowtow to a lot of bio mom's bs - to spare him the stress. I don't understand why 4 mature adults cannot just agree to split the costs of raising a kid and let that be good enough. Maybe I get the answer to that when I reach the pearly gates! ha!
She could declare undue
She could declare undue hardship because she has another child to support and has reduced wages, but I believe that only works if you were the ones chasing her for CS and not the other way around. Nothing is stopping the BM from moving on with her life, but your husband is under no obligation to support her new-found lifestyle (which is how I am reading this). Calculation of CS is pretty cut 'n dry but as others have said, how CS is determined depends on the state and the individual situation. For instance, I can't just one day decide to quit my engineering job and decide to deliver pizzas part time for minimum wage and expect to have the CS I pay reduced. The same works the other way. If BM quits her job or reduces her hours (thereby affecting her pay), your husband shouldn't expect to pay more. In fact, your husband *should* be paying less because the total income of both your husband's and the BM's salary is calculated into the CS. At least this is my understanding. If your husband hasn't done so already, he should talk to a lawyer.
they were supposed to
they were supposed to alternate the tax deduction every other year, but my DH decided it wasn't worth the argument so he just let her take it for the past 5 years. This year we will claim him again, especially b/c we are paying way more than 50% of his 'expenses'. Glad that too does not go automatically to the parent who has that precious one more night per week!
another question for anyone who may be reading and have experience/knowledge. We started a college fund for skid two years ago, there is a pretty good amount in it. We offered account info to biomom, in case she and her husband wanted to contribute as well. She turned down the offer - but recently said 'how can you afford to save for his college but not give me child support'. We countered with its not that we can't afford to give you cs, but there is no order for it and we don't feel the need to give you money for your lifestyle. Does the money we put into his college fund in any way 'count' against us? or is it too seen as support?
thanks again everyone!
It is highly likely that your
It is highly likely that your DH will have to pay CS to his XW now that she has bred herself in to financial strain. Unfortunately that is just the way it is in most states and in most cases. Unless .... your DH files a preemptive custody motion. If he gets primary residential custody and BM has visitation then it is she that will pay your DH CS regardless of who has the financial big stick.
Not a high percentage tactic but maybe worth a try.
The college fund will likely have no bearing on the CS topic. One thing I would not do is provide BM with any information on your household finances that you are not required to provide by the courts. TMI can be a major aggrivator when the idiots in the blended family opposition get their panties in a twist over something.
In our case my SS-21's BioDad tried incessently to get his CS obligation reduced due to his incessent breeding with a series of womb donors. Our son is his oldest and our only. He has three younger also illegitimate spawn by two more baby mamas. Every time he spawned and then tried to get his CS to my SS lowered his CS actually went up.
We have always made far more than BioDad and he was still held to providing for his eldest child through a CS order. Who makes what has far less to do with CS than custody does.
I suggest that you get on your states on line CS calculator and run some analysis scenerios to get an idea the likely outcome of BMs effort to get CS. Most states use some form of the income shares model which generally does not change CS much for the addition of a non joint child to the mix. The combined income of the bioparents is what determins CS levels. Even though my DW makes far more than BioDad when her salary went up, his CS went up because of the increase in total income available to support the SKid. That is one of the interesting things about the income shares model.
The information you find from playing with the online support calculator for your state can help you develop a counter strategy. The issue in the situations is that logic and intelligence has no place in family law so be prepared for idiot decisions from the judge.
All in my experience and opinon of course.
Good luck.