Well my BS18 leaves for college tomorrow and I am suffering from conflicted emotions. I am ready for him to go and he is damn well making sure I am good with it, by frustrating the living hell out of me since turning 18 last February. Everyone tells me that this is what they do. But, honestly, I will miss him, but he needs to go. Every time he irritates the hell out of me with something, I keep thinking, why am I going into my savings to pay all your fees (his tuition is paid for) if you are going to behave this way, then I remember that if I don't he has to live at home... :?

My SS15 started his sophomore year yesterday and with that he has matured so much since we have had him full time the last year and a half. BM sees him once a month for dinner and only attempts to be a mom, with her gifts. Even those, she manages to screw up. I am pretty much still disengaged from him. I do cook dinners and do his laundry, but that is about it. DH handles everything else. I do not do any back to school shopping beyond, pulling out what we have in the house for him. DH handles it all. So, right now, I am trying to wonder what my role is with him. My son was so time consuming, it wasn't apparent that I didn't do much for SS. But, with BS gone, it will become more apparent. Already, people get shocked, that I do not go to anything for SS, unless he asks. I do not drive him anywhere and I will not be teaching him to drive. DH does it all.

When I disengaged with SD17, three years ago, it was for the best. She is gone anyway and I have not seen her in years, except in passing around town and driving past her entering the subdivision. She is not someone I want my kids to associate with. So SS doesn't see her at all. They pass in the hall at school. SS came to me last night to tell me that his best friend is in class with her. A core class she should have had sophomore year. My response was to laugh, "that will happen when you fail a couple classes". Also, we laughed about it and had the discussion that this is why you get good grades....Which he has done, since we have had him, all A's and B's. Since we gave up custody of SD17, she has failed two classes and has mostly c's. My only other response was please tell your friend not to discuss anything with her and keep his distance, we don't need any problems.

Don't want to gloat, but BM is a complete failure. DH last night laughed when SS15 asked why she didn't take them in the summer. DH was like duh, that was my question. But, BM and DH no longer discuss the kids. All communication is done through them. DH sees SD when it is convenient for her. Recently, DH and I had an argument over his family having her come out to visit. His response was to lie to me about it. God bless the internet. So of course he was busted. I had it with his family meddling and he lying to me about it by omission. Long ugly story, let's just say the IL's blame me for SD17 suing us. I had too many rules.

Well DH cried during the argument and got my sympathy. To the extent, I agreed with him in a plan, my idea for him to try and have SD17 come back into our family. With the ultimate goal to be her asking to live here. My rules, still in effect so it probably won't happen.

Well my response is for him to text her when she got back a week and a half ago to meet him for lunch and he would mention casually her doing something with us as a family. Well, now that she had his permission to go out west to see his family, she has no time for him, only says "I will get back to you". But, she has plenty of time for her BF and friends before school starts. He still has not heard from her...My response and I said it casually to him was she got what she wanted and now she doesn't need to see you. Cruel, I know, but, he did it to me again.....

Well, I don't think anything will come of it, but, at least, I agreed and I am not the bad guy in this and I pointed out several times, that he was running out of time, she turns 18 in 7 months and this is all mute. She will not graduate at this pace and she is not living here, if she is not enrolled in college and that is his rule, not mine.

Excuse my ramblings, my point is I have no idea, what my role is now with SS15 in this house. I don't want to re-engage and I still wonder, who I am now that I no longer have to helicopter parent my own bio-child. I have hobbies and a full time job, but I just kind of feel like something is off now. Now all I am to that kid is a checkbook. So what am I to SS? He doesn't really connect with me very often, he is a good kid, but so different from my son. I have had an impact on him, in his grades and now he talks about college. Before, he could care less. Now he has a shot at a good school, with BS off to one of the top schools in the country. As long as his grades are good, he gets sibling status for admission. So things, SS, never thought of, he is now thinking of and this is pretty nice. He just never seems to connect with me as a mom figure beyond the mother's day cards and he does introduce me as his parent, never mom.

My expectations were always high with my BS18, so now DH expects it from SS and so do I. We talk about grades and how easy it really is for him. Yesterday, I even heard DH tell him that if there is extra credit, SS has to do it. No exceptions. My how far we have come from telling me 9 years ago I was hard on my child....

Excuse my ramblings, but as a single widowed mom for many years, watching my only child go off to college, is making me feel out of sorts and confused. If one more family member, inquires if I am worried about empty nest syndrome....I am not, just trying to figure it out. The good news, is I definitely can play more golf...