That's tough knowing that you absolutely don't want to leave your wife and you love her very much. But sometimes love isn't enough. She's obviously a wonderful woman, however, her son is totally taking advantage of that. That's the problem with good hearted people.

I don't know what to tell you, if you can't talk to her about it, that's a problem. Your resentment has to go somewhere, and I'm worried you'll blow up eventually and say things you regret.

It's hard to see your SS mistreating your wife. Teenagers are difficult, but she shouldn't have to put up with disrespect. Does she feel disrespected? Talk to her and say, when he ______ I want to tell him (firmly) that he's being disrespectful and that that kind of behavior/talk will not be tolerated. See what she says. That is what his BF would do if they were married (hopefully), so it's not being mean...it's setting boundaries. The trouble is, unlike a BF there isn't as likely to be a positive interaction later to lessen the blow. You don't care for your SS like you would your own. You probably wish you did, but you don't. Still, try to follow up with some kind of positive compliment or invitation to let him know you're not the bad guy. He may not respond well...but do it anyway. Even twice. Good luck. You're not alone.

Sounds like you and I are in similar situations. I also can't tolerate disrespect and my 15 year old stepson is all about it. Nowadays I can't stand being in the same room with him or hearing his voice. Mom takes care him as well. She is not the disciplinary type and he will talk disrespectful to her in all sorts and she does nothing. If I intervene I usually end up being the bad guy since an argument usually ensues between my stepson and I.

I struggled with this same type of thing with my SS for quite a while. Particularly when he got in to his teens. Let me preface my advice, or at least what worked for us, by saying that my wife and I married a week before SS-21 turned 2yo. So as you can see we all worked it out.

Since I was on the the scene from a very young age for SS I am dad. Not StepDad, no Rags, not anything but dad when it comes to my Skid. He is an only kid in our home.

When SS was in his early to mid teens 13-16 we had some attitude and disciplinary issues with him. I could not tolerate how he treated my wife. She may be his mother but she is my wife and spawn or not I will not tolerate disrespect of MY wife from anyone. During that phase my wife would not discipline and when I did she did not like it. Much like you discribe with your wife, she was compensating for her own guilt for the circumstances of his birth (16 & Pregnant, Single Teen Mom) and the issues he was struggling with from the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool (the SpermIdiot and the SpermClan).

I finally had to take her aside and give her the very clear message that if she did not like how I disciplined the kid then she better step up and get it done before I had to. That was her only choice. Discipline the kid effectively or be quiet, get out of my way and I would take care of it. Once she gained clarity she stepped up in disciplining the Skid. The fun part .... he wanted me to step back in and discipline because his mom would bring long term consequences. Though I tolerated no bullshit from him, I am a discipline and done guy unless the issue is a repeat behavior. His mom was the prototypical never forget and make him miserable until SHE was over the issue type of disciplinarian.

Even after she stepped up I did take my SS out for a man to man stern clarity session. Nothing physical, just me letting him know that he nor anyone else would speak to my wife or treat my wife in the disprespectful manner he had been using. Combined with crazy banshee discipline mom, my man to man got the point across for the most part and we did not have too much more teen boy tude problems from then on.

The worst thing a parent can do, even for a kid who truly has had it hard, is tolerate bullshit behavior or coddle inappropriate crap from their kid(s).

So, I suggest two things.

1. Clarity session with your bride. "Step up and get it done before I have to."

2. Clarity session with your Skid. "She may be your mother but more importantly she is MY wife, you nor anyone else will speak to her in that manner unless you want a problem with ME. It would serve you well not to test me on this. Do..... You .....Understand!"

Something you may want to try if you bride does not recognize your Skids disrespect is to record it. Get a micro voice recorder and next time he gets shitty with her record it. A few days later sit her down to listen to it. She may just be very surprised by what she hears out of her kids mouth when she is a few days past the incident.

Good luck.

Sincerely,