Grown stepdaughter behaves like my husbands partner
I have a 32 yr old stepdaughter. Her father and I have been married for a little over a year now. I find myself stressed over things I don't agree with. My children are 22,21&17. My oldest is married, my son is n college and my youngest lives w me and husband. My kids work and are very self sufficient. I taught them to have things you work For them. My stepdaughter is married and has a son w autism, who is very smart. My stepdaughter doesn't work, she is always texting my husband which drives me nuts, she comes to my home and stays up w my husband drinking on weekends til wee hours of next morning. SD also wants to go party w people n 20-30s w her dad. I don't do this crap, I avoid all of that but he carries on with it as if its nothing. Her husband works and he to doesn't go to places and do this. I'm at my wits end....I asked husband for getaway to lake and we left for overnight trip. We had a great time!! I was thankful for alone time. I am off on Saturdays and w our work schedules its the only day we have together, but now is always something to come up ans shes included. While driving to the lake he says SD and he planned to Rent cottage for weekend of partying. With several 20-30 ur old kids....with!! I wasn't asked or included. I was told.....I'm so sick of being the third wheel....I feel like they r the partners a lot of times and I'm just n the way. Is this normal? I'm not jealous of her at all, she just needs to respect boundaries and that is something she's not used to. I mean geez....I love my kids and do spend time with them but I respect the fact that they have their own lives and things that they are doing. There is none of that w SD. It's her way or hell to pay. I get so sick of hearing I'm stressed out bc of sons disability....he's smart. He isn't disciplined as he should be. He hits people and gets away w it. He doesn't try it with me because he knows better. She wanted to take her son to counseling because of Internet and because he was gonna fight w a kid over a girl. That's normal stuff, hum maybe set time limit on the net and realize the child is almost a teen and not little so he's gonna have fights. Am I being ridiculous about this? What should I do?
he says SD and he planned to
he says SD and he planned to Rent cottage for weekend of partying. With several 20-30 ur old kids..
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That is just weird. Do you think he is involved with any of these people and how long as he been doing all of this?
I am assuming you both are probably early to mid 50s. Maybe this is a mid life crisis. Either way...it is totally wrong of him.
Well the weekend he is
Well the weekend he is partying, plan yourself a grand weekend. Spa time, lunch and shopping, etc.
Boy, oh boy, been there, done
Boy, oh boy, been there, done that, got the scars.
What they are doing is very wrong on every level.
You say you have been married about a year. How long have you been with him altogether? What what 'their' behaviour like before the wedding? Has she ramped up her attachment?
I've a feeling you are set for a life of misery with these two unless you are strong enough to stop it, and for that your DH needs to love you enough to listen to your concerns and be smart enough to put boundaries on his daughter.
IMO, and without knowing the whole story, he will always please himself and use the old 'you're jealous' crap to cover it up.
What did you do in your
What did you do in your situation? How does a woman deal with this bs? I work five days a week and don't wanna come home to my house with her there til wee hours of next morning. I don't want to be second fiddle and I do respect time with our own children because they need it. Just not every day.....ya know?
SD (Daisy) was 12 when I met
SD (Daisy) was 12 when I met her, 34 when DH died. She acted like his 'No. 1 partner - mini wife, maxi wife' from the get go. In fact I think their weirdo relationship started way before I came onto the scene, and she wasn't about to let ANYBODY get in her way.
I did the whole thing. Understanding, patience, kindness, generosity, friendship. I may as well of been trying to make tea in a chocolate tea-pot!
There's so much I could tell you, but it would take a week of non-stop typing and a big box of matchsticks to get through half of it.
The point is, this man LIKES things as they are. He's getting to 'hang out' with young dudes, reliving (or desperately hanging on to) his lost youth. Boosting his ego, whilst he has the little wife nicely in place to come home to when it suits him. He is not concerned about your feelings. He will shriek 'JEALOUSY' at the first sign of protestation from you. BULLSHIT. SD is treating you with contempt - with his FULL permission. He's a 56 year old man forgodsake. What's wrong with spending his social time with his wife who he no doubt wined & dined to perfection before the rot set in.
Mama3, have a serious think about what you've got yourself into here. Start raging back a bit, and if things don't change, run as fast as you can away from this knobjob.
I only wish I'd have had the knowledge I have now at the beginning.
Tell your hubby she is 32 and
Tell your hubby she is 32 and it is time to cut the apron strings and let her live her own life.
I am 41 years old. My husband
I am 41 years old. My husband is 56. I've read about emotional incest. We dated for only a few months but have known each other for a long time. I didn't notice their attachment to much at first but as time has gone on its been a gradual process of them spending time together. I did say something about it a few months ago and we had a argument. I did tell him to get their heads outta each others a$$ (sorry if offends). I was called jealous as well as like all other women. I'm not a jealous person, I'm just tired of being the third wheel. I began doing things with my kids to avoid being around her or going to her house. Her house is filthy!! I told him I refuse to sit in that filth any longer. He will spazz if one things outta place at home but will sit n piles of junk everywhere at her house n not say a word. She told me the other day that they ( meaning her, her husband and dad) were takin care of expense and arrangements on the cottage. I was furious!! He didn't include me or even ask how I felt about it. Is like I am in the way. I feel like if I say anything that pertains to her I will be judged and he will throw a fit because something was said about her. I'm not perfect, I was married for 18 years before I divorced a abusive drug addict. I raised my three on my own and I never encountered this situation with my kids. They were all taught the basics they need to make it in this life and they didn't need me to know every little detail of their life. What does a woman do to deal with somwthing thing like this ? How do I make him see what he is doing without it coming across the wrong way?
He's already teaching you not
He's already teaching you not to question anything about her with his raging reaction. Don't put up with it, and don't put up with the 'jealous' crap.
I can't see this man changing. He's probably a narcissist -yeh I labelled him and no, I'm not a phsyciatrist, but he's still probably a narcissist. Look up the traits.
If you recognise him, give up now and get a good life for yourself. If not, then you need to lay down the law.
Sorry, double post
Sorry, double post
He's trying to flatter
He's trying to flatter himself by hanging out with younger people, pretending he's that age all over again. He's playing like his daughter is his girlfriend. CREEPY!!! The good news is you've only been married to this man for a year so the emotional and fanancial investment is not what it would be if you had been married to him for 20 years. That means you can set boundaries now without too many risks. Tell him you expect him to treat you like his wife and honor the marriage. No more weekends partying with SD. If he can not agree to this, either kick his butt out or run like hell.
I couldn't put up with this.
I couldn't put up with this. It's not going to get any better. Time for an ultimatum.
very common what you are
very common what you are experiencing. tell DH to go and spend as much time w SD as he wants. When he wants some lovin, let him know you are tired or have other plans. If he wants to get all this loving from DH, let him get his other needs met elsewhere too.