You are here

Do I do the leg work or let DH deal with it?

overworkedmom's picture

I am so torn! Part of me wants to keep SS as far away from the incubator as I can and rewind time back to when she was a junkie on the streets or holed up in rehab but not allowed outside communication. That was when SS and I had a good relationship. That was when our family was happy. The other part of me says- it's too late. The damage has been done, he won't ever go back now. Let is piece of shit "mother" take him every other weekend. Maybe I can have a little peace in my life.

We go to court in 3 days. Incubator wants visitation rights again. We have been letting her see SS. Quite often actually (by we I mean DH, I thought it was a terrible idea). DH has done nothing to prepare. He thinks he can go in with the old custody agreement where she gave up legal and physical custody and say "here you go! I win!". I keep trying to explain that custody is fluid and can change in an instant. She is "sober" now. She has here little section 8 apartment for her and the baby she had and gave MY HUSBANDS LAST NAME to. She works 2 days a week. She is a "good mom now" :sick:

So, do I write down all the ways she has violated the supervised visitation that we have for her now. Do I bring up how she forgets to feed him, brings him home sunburned to hell or what about when she let him play in the water at the beach when it was 45 degrees out and he came home soaking wet with blue lips. What about the fact that he went from all S's and P's on his report card to almost all N's and mandatory summer school? This is all because of her! SS's teacher would even e-mail or text me- "Did SS go to his bio mom's this weekend? He is out of control today." And every time I got an e-mail like that it WAS because of her.

But like I said. I think it's too late, we can't go back. Should I just let it all happen like I think that it will and SS go over for full weekends and take the break? Or should I do what is probably the "right thing" for him, and fight for him to stay away from such a bad situation?

Comments

overworkedmom's picture

I have been the one doing the same thing in school for SS. DH refuses to acknowledge that there are issues. Me, his teacher and the administrators had to have this intervention conference in order to get him into the individual education plan program. They all still want SS evaluated for ADHD but once again DH doesn't want to deal. He also doesn't deal with homework, discipline, doctors, dentist or anything else. All that is on me, and I AM NOT HIS ACTUAL MOTHER! I have all of the work, none of the reward and no actual say in anything. I have just been loving this whole step mom thing....

overworkedmom's picture

Thank you ladies.

It is really hard to just stop and let things happen. What is best for SS is for DH to come out with guns blazing and fight hard and knock this broad down once and for all. But if he wont, maybe it is because he wants a break too? It is just hard being the primary caregiver and yet have no control and say. I know that you all know how I feel!

overworkedmom's picture

Wow, all I can say is Holy Crap. I am so sorry that you went through all of that and still really are.

hammie's picture

Ive had to step back too. We want whats best but cant make them do the right thing. It affects us too, but sometimes we have to let them fall on their butt before they get it. Have the documents ready, if he pulls his head out good, if not...its on him.