PASed Dad on Father's Day
Father's Day is coming. What does a new wife do for the PASed Dad? My daughter (who's dad is not in the picture) and I had a day planned for him, we are taking him to a local classic car show and I wanted to purchase the tickets (this is a suprise for DH, he only knows we need to know so we can buy tickets for something). This meant I needed to know If sd was coming or not. So DH texts sd and her mom to ask if she would be with him on Father's Day and to please respond by "x" time. No response at all until the next day with BM calls him to scream at him for other things then says "you make your daughter respond to you on a time line?!?" (Like that's unreasonable?) then DH says "I didn't get any response" to which BM replies "That's your answer!" Huh.... So.... We can't ask for a timely response because we have to wait for no response? In my logic out here in reality that leads to NOTHING HAPPENING.
Anyway, this morning my DH says we "blocked" SD out of Father's Day. Meaning he's given into the crazy logic again.. Sd and her crazy ass mom blocked her out of Father's Day with her dad. Not us. In any case I am left with the impression that he feels we did sd some unjustice by asking for timely response. He feels bad. So what's a wife to do? I could proceed with the plans, but I feel like it will just be a sad event for him to celebrate without his daughter (I get that). Or I can give him some movie tickets and a gift card to BW3's and tell him to celebrate with sd next time he sees her. And leave the whole holiday alone and act like any other day.
Tell me - what is the best thing I can do for HIM on HIS day?
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Skids gave DH their gift I
Skids gave DH their gift I purchased for him last weekend. BM planned a trip for the skids with her BF/Fiancé on Father's Day to the local pony league baseball team. Talk about PASing, BF is more important that Dad.
I'd leave the celebrating Father's Day up to your DH and SD, let them work it out. You can acknowledge the day and let him know how much you appreciate his efforts as a Dad.
Give him 24 hrs to digest
Give him 24 hrs to digest what he said and calm down. Then approach him with ..."DH, DD and I had plans for you for F/Day. There was a time frame we wanted to accommodate and wanted SD to have the first claim on your time. As you feel that answering an RSVP is unjustified for your daughter here is my gift to you... you have the entire day to celebrate with your only biological child. DD and I have other plans now. But I am sure you would have enjoyed the classic car show. So our gift to you is 24 hrs for your daughter to celebrate you being her father ... Enjoy!"
Then take the money you would have spent and go out with your daughter. It is time he realizes who REALLY cares. I bet he will ask SD if she wants to do anything and he will not hear a word until Monday morning. So his F/Day will suck. Lesson learned.
My ss15 does not speak to dh.
My ss15 does not speak to dh. I doubt there will be a call on father's day wishing him well. Fortunately he also has our dd11 as well as my two dd15, and ds14 who he has been with since they were 2 and 9 months and they completely view each other as father/child. I worry at him at these times of the year though. Mother's day was hard on him as well because he has an estranged relationship with his crapbag mom-which it may come as no surprise but I didnt have a so great mothers day as he couldnt work up the effort to do much more than wish me a good day-(he did get me an awesome belated present like 2 weeks later when he came out of his funk).
This year, my dh and my two oldest kids will be leaving for a week long church event at the beach! at 7am on Fathers Day. I am really pretty ecstatic with how this worked out-my dh is chaperoning so I think he will be quiet busy and not have much time to think about ss15 and feel sad about him. Perhaps you can think of something that will completely distract your dh that it IS even fathers day. I will be giving dh a card to thank him for his awesomenss as a dad to our kids-my kids have no cash so I know they will not be buying him anything-but I am sure they will wish him well and his other gift is a mission trip to Honduras that he will be taking next month.
I completely agree with
I completely agree with this.
I am going to see my dad on Fathers Day.
I won't be acknowledging it for DH. His adult kids have never given him a FD card. Or anything. They are 19, 20, and 23. They are disgusting. But, there is nothing I can do. He chose to marry a crazy woman. He chose to not set boundaries until 2 years ago. I do feel so bad for him, but at the same time, these kids are not wired right. They are never going to be nice. Better to deal with it, then to fake it and pretend it is a nice day for him.
My deluded MIL will call him, tell him she wants to have a barbecue....she will have the barbecue and spend the day questioning him about the "kids" and telling him they are going to find God and be just fine.
Sorry if I sound jaded. I just don't want anything to do with his kids. He has done so much for him and all they do is treat him horribly.
I would say that even if he
I would say that even if he had told BM that it was a surprise from you or that it was something you had planned, it wouldn't have changed the outcome.
My DDs baby shower is Sunday...didn't even look at the calendar as my Dad and my bios Dad are both passed away, we just don't do FD....anyway, it is a co-ed type of picnic shower at a local river. I gave DSO the option to either go see 1 of his boys in jail or come to the shower. He chose to attend the shower and isn't even making SD come with us and leaving her at BMs.
Take him out on F-day anyway.
Take him out on F-day anyway. Get his mind off the mess he calls an ex wife & try to get him to see his daughter & your daughter as separate entities altogether as he shouldn't look at your daughter as a reminder of not having his around. That's not fair to your BD either.
-Have your BD make a coupon that this sunday is StepFather's day & you're celebrating it to the max!! Yay!
-Have BD make another coupon that entitles him & his daughter to a day of Father's day (valid until June 16, 2014---don't want to piss off anyone for time lines) with any gift of choice "under a million"
Keep it light & keep it moving. As a new wife, you'll have plenty of BM drama for sure.
I acknowledge my DH for
I acknowledge my DH for Father's Day whether his daughters do or not because I think he is a great father.