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Hey everyone,
I have been deciding whether or not to post. I am 27 SM to five skids, 18,18,16,9,6. I currently live with FH,40, and the three oldest skids who are from his first marriage. I also have a bio-son who is 7. We have been together for three years.
Two youngest skids live with their mom. Currently all of their dealings regarding visitation and CS happen between them. There is nothing done through the courts. That said, I get alittle fustrated.
FH always goes out of his way to keep BM2 satisfied. He will pick up kids whenever she asks (which is fine) and often works around her schedule.
During the summer FH's job closes for one month without pay. FH has a sort of oncall job on the weekends which has been very slow if he gets any work at all. For the past two weeks he has not been able to give her much CS. I feel like when situations like this happen, he goes out of his way to keep her happy. She recently had car trouble so he would call and find out if she needed him to pick up DSD from camp(luckily he didn't offer to help otherwise I would've FLIPPED). It drives me nuts that he kisses her ass so to speak. I hate it. She should know that under normal circumstances he would always pay on time and helps as needed.
I guess maybe it is my jealousy that is taking over at this present time. I hate it. She has a bf, who happens to be the man she left FH for. Let him worry about it! I just feel like he is trying to placate her so she won't bitch about what he is not giving her, does that make sense?
Anyone else have an SO/DH like this? How do you deal? Ugh
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Hi
Welcome to steptalk. I haven't been here long, but have found great relief in just getting some of this stuff off my chest. Misery DOES INDEED love company. There are lots of people here who have many different experiences. You can get some good advice here and just vent when you need to and everyone gets it!
As far as your current situation, I have never dealt with that. I would advise that you all get CS and visitation and other responsibilities in writing. With everything down on paper, he doesn't have to try and make up CS by doing other things.
Don't allow that woman to rule your lives and future.
"They say God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I just wish he didn't have so much confidence in me."
Thanks!
I actually came over here from ivillage because they can be brutal! We have discussed getting everything in writing and filing through court but it can cost us and money is so tight right now. I think it just angers me that he feels like he HAS to do this to make his life easier. I try to calm down before I talk to him about it because I want to make sure its not my jealousy or insecurity acting out, KWIM? He thinks of it as she has the kids, so she makes the decisions. It gets me so mad sometimes.
BM isn't as bad as others I have read around here, the thing that bothers me is that if he pisses her off or doesn't do what she asked then she starts claiming that he is still in love with her and is using the kids to get to her. But she should know from being with him all those years that FH is an excellent dad who will do anything to be there for those kids. I just hate when she goes on that rant, which is why I hate when he will go out of his way to appease her because I am pretty sure in her mind she thinks she's right. I know that FH loves me and only wants to be with me, it just angers me to that she has the nerve to go there.
I hope this makes sense, I know I am rambling, lol.
welcome!!!
I sounds like he's doing it as a way to "keep the peace" and also as a way to keep it from going legal. If it does, I would bet he would be on the losing end of it.