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I wish I didn't feel this way

jewel's picture

My SS17 (almost 18) has been back from his grandmother's for about two weeks now and the stress and tension are back too. I wish I didn't feel like this. When SS was away, it was like a whole different atmosphere around here. Relaxed, not feeling like someone is lurking around which is something my SS does. I know his mother died and I, as well as numerous other people, have tried to help him in so many ways. He just refuses to even listen. We have tried counseling. He won't talk. The school says he seems depressed (even though he's fine when he's at home) we take him to a therapist again. He says the kid is fine doesn't seem depressed. I spent the first year and a half trying to help my SS. Now he just aggravates me to no end. He is almost 18 and only entering 10th grade, but not really because he didn't pass all of his 9th grade classes. He uses people and wants people to feel sorry for him. He makes up ridiculous lies which have caused trouble on more than a few occasions. He acts like a baby. I really feel like he just wants to stay a kid. I know you will all probably think I am crazy, but I would rather a kid who mouthed off or something. This one shows very little emotion. Even when he does something and his father yells at him, he doesn't ever yell back or say anything. Most 17 year olds do. He can't do that though, because that would be showing independence; a sign of growing up and he doesn't want to do that. He doesn't want to learn to drive, date, keeps failing at school even though he gets all kinds of extra help. I just can't stand it!!!!! My husband is usually pretty good at being fair. But sometimes he just doesn't notice the things I notice because he is so used to it. He will be starting school next week and if he doesn't do better this year (like pass) then he is going to have to figure out what he is going to do with his life. He has no ideas at all. Just gives you a blank stare when you ask him what he might like to do for a living. I am just so afraid he is going to end up living with us for years! I'm sorry but he makes me crazy! Anybody else in this situation? I now most of you have BM to deal with, but do any of you have this kind of situation where BM is deceased?

Comments

Lainey's picture

i know how you feel, my ss15 creeps around all the time, doesn't want to interact with anyone. i just want him to go live with BM. it makes me so uncomfortable. DH says he's shy, but i find that when he does say anything it is confrontational. i have found that it is not getting anybetter at all, my resentment is growing daily that this skid is here fulll time but he doesn't even want anything to do with me or my BD. it is causing problems with DH too. if you find out a solution please let me know, i'm dusting off my luggage.....

Abigail's picture

I have two teen skids too. They were fine until their Mother started PAS'ing them. Now they are both moody and quiet. I think it means the kids are troubled but how do you reach someone else's kid? Not sure. All I can say is that he may not think he has a problem as long as he can stay home and live with you guys until he is 30. He won't think he has a problem until someone gives him consequences for his actions (or inaction in this case)

Maybe he's milking that "poor me" thing for having a mother that died. I am sorry to sound insensitive but every child must taught to be responsible even if he is a "victim" of divorce or death in the family. Too much coddling produceses lazy kids in my experience.

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"

jewel's picture

Thank you both for the posts. It helps to know that others are going through the same kind of stuff. He definetly has the "poor me" thing down. His teachers even commented on it in a meeting we had with them. That he has a "woe is me" attitude. He does that because it gets him what he wants from most people. When he has a teacher that coddles him, he takes total advantage of it. He can't do anything, he needs more time, on and on. When he has a take no crap kind of teacher, he does much better because he knows he can't get away with all that other stuff. Which also proves to me that it is a behavioral issue not an intellectual issue. What is scary to me is that if I were not making such a fuss about all this, things would be going just the way SS wants and he would be getting away with it. My husband tends to ignore things that he doesn't want to deal with. But why am I supposed to feel like the "bad guy" when I am just saying it's time for him to start growing up! My husband feels guilty because he wasn't always around when SS was little, well he was out trying to make a living to provide for his first wife and kid. I told him he should not feel guilty about it. I basically don't know what to do with SS anymore. To me he should be getting ready to go out into the world, and as my husband even said last night the kid is practically helpless. Or is he? I don't know if he really is or if it's an act at this point.