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i am new to this- 60 year old step mum to 14 year old

madmar's picture

Submitted by madmar on Mon, 05/27/2013 - 1:36pm

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Hi, so glad to find you! I am a new step mum and never had my own children. I was widowed at 53 after 33 years of marriage. I am now living with my fiance and we have his son over every day and it is very difficult to adjust. Any hints? The boy is adhd, a real handful and I fing myself starting to resent him. This makes me feel dreadful as a person. i am starting to argue with my fiance, too. he has a terrible relationship with the ex.
thanks so much,
Marian

Helena.Handbasket's picture

Submitted by Helena.Handbasket on Mon, 05/27/2013 - 1:53pm

Wow. First of all. Sorry for your loss. I'm widowed too.

Second ugh you sure you want to deal with that mess? At 60 I'm looking forward to my son being grown and having me and spouse time. 14 sucks!!! Sd was aweful starting about that age and ss is starting to get moody. I just keep my distance from both. Dad can ha e time with them and just leave me and our son out of it until they go start their life.

Helena.Handbasket's picture

Submitted by Helena.Handbasket on Mon, 05/27/2013 - 1:54pm

Oh and you are arguing g with fiancé because he's not parenting I bet.

You can't make those guilty dads parent. Trust me.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Mon, 05/27/2013 - 1:58pm

I, too, am sorry for your loss. And sorry for the situation your are in now!

Neither of my husband's daughters are minors anymore. There is absolutely no way I could do it at 60.

madmar's picture

Submitted by madmar on Mon, 05/27/2013 - 2:04pm

Thanks, ladies. I have felt like a failure lately. I moved 500 miles away from my friends and support, so I am very alone with this. I don't know anyone in my same situation. I taught school for years, interacted with all our friends kids for years, but holy moly! This is different!
Yes, he feels such guilt as a father- second marriage, she is 24 years younger. She left him and the child when he was recovering from stage 4 cancer. She just had the child start living with her again a year ago. She is getting married this summer. They live 3 blocks away. She nevers spends much time with the son. We do all the home work, buying of clothes, etc. Take him to his wrestling 4 times a week, etc.