I'm not even sure where to start. Engaged to my now DH when we found out to both of our surprise that he was a father. My world felt totally shattered. Wanted to end it(relationship) , but too much in love. Still didn't love the idea. The BM is the prototypical crazy who would put her son's safety in jeopardy time and time again. The first 5 years we paid her CS faithfully and took him every weekend. Then she said it was "Your Turn" to my DH and SS now almost 15 has been living with us since then. She told us we could have him as long as we let her still claim him on her taxes (that was the ultimatum) My non-confrontational DS said sure. We never receieved any CS from her and she would never buy her son a birthday, Christmas gift...would go long periods of time without seeing him, calling him...I had to insist that after the first year we claimed him on our taxes...DH would have allowed it to continue. She has had more relationships that I can count..married three of them. One was a crackhead.My DH had to insist that they not throw him in the back of their pickup truck...with her husbands other kids...No seats, not to mention seat belts. We found out from our SS (he was like 7 or 8 then) that they would pull over after DH drove away and make him move to the back seat. The straw that broke the camel's back was when she left him and his brother at age 10 alone overnight with no adults while she went off partying with some guy (not her husband). Told them to take two Melatonins before they went to bed. Came home the next am on a motorcycle with a different guy than the one she left with..this was what SS told us.. That was it. We hired a lawyer...she was found neglegent by social services..we had so much on her but DH got talked into mediating and we basically ended up with nothing. She was supposed to add DH's name to the Birth Cert, change SS last name and pay us CS. She owes around 14,000 dollars and hasn't done one darn part of the court order. That was close to five years ago. We don't have $ to take her back to court; wasted $5,000 the first time around to no avail. FLASH FORWARD....now SS is almost 15, hates me and this family..traumatizes my two BSons (half the time)and makes our lives very stressful. His BM can do no wrong in his eyes. He loves the party atmosphere at her house. We are the bad ones to him. He constantly makes comments about the clothes he has, food we serve, cars we drive, etc. I so feel like saying if your lazy no good mother would get off her butt and get a job and pay CS, we would be able to have more and do more. We barely squeak by and she somehow finds some dumb guy to mooch off of. She has her nails done, hair done, tans and smokes...but we can barely afford our groceries and we both work FT. I am so close to snapping lately. We are about to buy our first house which has been our dream for the 12 years we've been married...I'm just wondering if I can handle living with him for the next 4 years. I cry all the time, esp. when I see "happy families". I wish things were different; I wish SS and I liked each other. I am not blaming any one person in any of this...I know I haven't been the most loving wife, or SM through the years. I has been so hard, and no one understands. Hopefully some/one of you can relate. I don't know how to cope..Im beginning to detest SS...not proud of it; but it's true. Help?