Do you favor/use joint or separate financial accounts with your spouse, and how should they impact SKs behavior towards us,
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namely, when it comes to inviting us to weddings, graduations of theirs, etc., when our spouse has helped pay for that event/their education, but we have separate accounts?
My DH and I have separate bank accounts. Always have.
But if my dad helped pay for my college education and/or wedding, I'd get my stepmother a seat next to him at those events. Regardless of whether they share joint accounts or not. I think it's tacky to do otherwise, and a nice way to acknowledge what my dad did for me is to get his spouse a seat next to him. I do not care for her for many reasons, but do not think it's right to ignore her. Plus, I'd be socializing with a lot of other people too, so she would not be the sole taker of my attention.
To add, any event I invite my
To add, any event I invite my dad to, I invite my stepmother as well. Regardless of who's paid for what. But someone posted on the main forum about joint/separate bank accounts so that got me to thinking about this.
Your answer is right on - it
Your answer is right on - it is noone's business, especially the kids. My family has always included DH is all of the events I've gone to. On the other hand, I was not very welcome when it came to SD's wedding but I didn't particularly want to go anyway. It has occurred to me that many SD's do not like their SMs even though they respect them enough to include them in their life celebrations. I wonder if it ever occured to my SD that through all of the years that I let her rudeness and meanness slide, I included her in our special events only because I thought it would be rude not to. I never particularly liked her (mostly due to her treatment of me), but I did it out of respect for her father. One exception was my 60th birthday. Today, if she showed up at one of our celebrations I would walk out. That is because I now value myself enough not to allow her disrespectful behavior around me, and especially because DH has never had the courage to clue her in. If it appears rude, so be it.
I also believe in inviting
I also believe in inviting the person closest to them. For example even though I have never had a single conversation longer than a sentence with my best friend's boyfriend, I would definitely reserve a seat to him in a wedding or another event. It's just common courtesy, regardless of who contributes for what.
I do believe in sharing finances and the reason behind them with our children. My parents sharing their successes and failures in their finances was why I was business and money savvy at graduation (22 years old) two years ago and began growing investments (with an accumulated net worth more than many people a decade older have at this moment in time) while my peers are struggling with budgeting and sinking into credit card debt because they were never taught. And it isn't as easy as just saying "tell them what they should do" as we know kids learn mostly through example of the people closest to them--if you don't want your kids to lie, don't lie yourself. Otherwise it doesn't matter if you hoot and holler and smack them around for lying because they'll do it anyway.
I just take one look at DH who was neck deep in credit card debt and no accumulated net worth, his brother who filed for bankruptcy, my cousins who are at least five years older than me still living with their parents, and the general people around me who were sheltered from understanding family finances and I know I don't want my kids to be like them. Lol, it's why DH says he leaves all the financial decisions and teaching to me.
My younger sister is also making a good living dealing with stocks and bonds because that's what our father does.
We also share ideas of what we are doing periodically and bounce it off each other--investing in a Roth IRA was our most recent topic which I followed in the end since that is what my parents did on the side against a sep or regular IRA.
Anyway, it worked for our family, but we have business in our blood.
I think it is wise to share
I think it is wise to share budgeting strategies and savings/stock options with the kids. I am very thankful for the financial education I recieved from my Mom. But I don't think sharing specific information about my personal finances is necessary.