Well I'm happy to be writing this to you on Monday and not crying in my soup. This was the SS birthday party weekend that myself and BF were having. The "X" didn't pull anything stupid and I'm really happy to say that we were able to take the kids right after hockey on Saturday morning and kept them until hockey on Sunday night. We did a ton of stuff and then the party on Sunday afternoon was a success. All the family came and the cousins all played together and they all had a ball and SS was so excited. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend. I must say that "X" wasn't to bad, Saturday, she of course forgot stuff that she had to deliver to them, which she was late doing and then of course she had to text 3 or 4 times that night and then 3 times bright and early the next morning, but all in all she was okay. She has gone back to being her bitchy self to me, trying not to make eye contact and sort of stomping around. That didn't bother me though, I know that I do the best that I can for those kids and am good to them and that's what matters.
I'm so grateful though that everything went well. Now we won't get to see them until Sunday night at hockey for an hour and a half. BM is taking them away for the holiday.

.....The bad.....
.....Okay so how come I was crying last night while we were at hockey and then when we came home??....I'm not sure if I've mentioned this in my other blogs but I've been married twice and had made the decision not to have kids and then last year choose to have a hysterectomy due to serious health issues. So why do I feel like this all weird and mad and sad and just feeling like all that I did was for absolutely nothing because the minute we got the rink and BM walked in the door it was like I didn't exist. I understand that BM gave birth to them and is their mother but why do I feel like this.... Am I that selfish that I would think for one second that they could understand or be all excited and remember, when they are only 5 & 7 and have like a five minute attention span. Plus they shouldn't even have to think about this shit but why do I. I believe I made the right choice in not having children, I came from a divorced family, with mom being an alcoholic and Dad in denial, then married my first husband who was an alcoholic and then my second husband did not want children and had a really bad family upbringing and had some relationship issues as well, so I believe that my choice was correct for my life. And even if I could have children right now I wouldn't anyway because I believe it was not truely in the cards for me. I'm a believer in "everything happens for a reason!" However I'm searching for the reason behind all of this though......:-) I'm not even sure what I expected or wanted,all I know is that when I was standing at that rink looking out on my BF working with his son on the rink and BM working with daughter on the rink I thought what the hell am I doing here, no one gives a shit about me or all the hard work that I went through to make a short period of time come together ...........OMG I am selfish. I should just be grateful that everyone had fun and the kids played for hours together....and truely I am happy, its obvious I have some unresolved issues that I need to deal with. It's that god aweful approval thing I bet. Don't get me wrong BF said what a great job I did and thanked me and said everyone had a great time..... Well thank you for listening.