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I moved out.

stepmom2011's picture

Submitted by stepmom2011 on Fri, 03/08/2013 - 6:21am

I'm back. It's been a long time. I set a boundary finally. After sending my step daughter to juvie TWICE for hitting me... while on a family vacation she decided to beat the shit out of me! I pressed charges and NOTHING HAPPENED! It was over state lines! My husband took her home and I stayed in Arizona! I refused to come home till he set up a separate household for me. He did it. And now I am in a holding pattern.

I will not go back. And if he thinks I am gonna be here... waiting... 4 years from now? Just not gonna happen unless he takes action to prove he will protect me. He will have to take steps to build that trust again. My therapist (who is wonderful and has seen us as a couple for 2 years, but now just me) asked me what I need from hubbs in order to rebuild trust. I don't know. It's my homework for the week. I am not sure if I can even forgive him.

He is here at my place everyday at some point. But, I miss him. I miss falling asleep together. I miss his snoring! It took a lot for me to take steps to protect myself. I am not that strong. It takes an act of God for me to not go back home. I just wanna sneak in and slide into bed next to him. How do I love him so much and be so angry at the same time. I try to forgive him everyday. But forgiving is not forgetting.

Thanks for listening...

Comments

stepmomto3bioto1's picture

Submitted by stepmomto3bioto1 on Fri, 03/08/2013 - 9:32am

Oh my!! How old is your SD & what did DH do while you were being attacked by sd? Did he make excuses for her or did he try to stop it?? This is awful but Im glad you stood up for yourself & realized going back into that toxic environment is bad for you!!!

I can only imagine how you must feel. SS11 hit me once & threw things at me & all because I asked him to get his socks & shoes on so we could go to the store!! His socks were upstairs in his room & he tried to 'demand' that I be like his slave & get them for him. I stood my ground & refused to wait on him hand & foot so he went up & tote his room apart. By the time I got upstairs he had already trashed the room. He hit me & spit on me. DH was at work but when he got home he was sent back home while his 2 brothers stayed the entire visit. DH wont allow him or anyone to Ever lay a hand on me again. But.. It still hurts!! Kids should never ever be allowed to strike anyone physically!!!

Like I said- I know all to well how it feels. It breaks your confidence down with your DH, as he is who promised to protect you!!! But since this has sadly & terribly continued for you--- how can DH make sure it never happens again? Is their a BM who could have SD live with her? That could possibly be an answer- or another family member? The way things are-- its far too toxic for you!!!!

((HUGS))

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Fri, 03/08/2013 - 10:37am

DH booted SS27 out after SS attacked him. SS not only is 35 years younger but about 6 inches taller. Fortunately DH was sober and was highly trained in the military. DH said he honestly was afraid he (DH) would kill him if that happened again.

They didn't speak for a couple of years. But DH will never allow him to live with us. He's visited twice. One I actually invited him and the second time BIL brought him. I doubt if there will be a third time.

I think he's a walking time bomb.

steppingsucks's picture

Submitted by steppingsucks on Fri, 03/08/2013 - 12:44pm

I know that it has to be a hard time for you right now, but you should be VERY proud of yourself for standing up to SD. I see from your previous blog post that SD is around 15, so I'm sure that she could do a lot of damage at that age. I'm in the same boat with my SS9, so I cannot imagine if it got to that point. I also told my DH that such an occurrence would be a deal-breaker for me.

Is BM in the picture? Can SD go to live with her full-time? If so, that would be what I'd say to DH. Also going out with friends might be a good thing to get your mind off of it for awhile. Being abused is absolutely unacceptable, and you did the right thing!!! Don't ever doubt that!

stepmom2011's picture

Submitted by stepmom2011 on Sat, 03/09/2013 - 8:30pm

Thank you everyone! It helps to not feel alone. Yes, SD is 15, 250lb and 5'6"! I am 5'2" so she has 50 lbs on me and 4 inches! She is a powerhouse! I had three bloody bald spots from where she tore my hair out. I am healed and growing hair again.

DH did try to stop it. We were in the car. My cardinal sin that deserved the beating? I. WAS. HUMMING. DH knows I don't antagonize her. Nobody does. Everyone is too afraid of her! He understands why I am gone, but has no idea how to stop it from happening again. Even with counseling on how to parent this aggressive child... we have tried everything and do not know what to do.

BM passed away when SD was 9. Even BM coluldn't handle her and left it to DH to parent her. He worked from home to be with her. He has been abused by her for years, but because he is a man... won't admit it as such. He admitted that he is holding his breath till she is gone. He does not and refuses to institutionalize her. He made a promise to his late wife to always take care of her. Gotta love a man that keeps his promises but man... this one is tough.

Loving DH, and missing DH while being so angry with him is twisting me in knots! We would not be with these men if we didn't love them... right ladies? I LOVE MY HUSBAND! He is not perfect. He is flawed. He is human. So am I.

DH's mother is in the hospital with congestive heart failure. She is like a mother to me (mine passed away several years ago). It kills me that I cannot go with DH to see her. He will take SD and I (who usually cannot drive because of dizzyness from inner ear) will be driven by wonderful SS who is 20 and just mooved into a dorm only 30 minutes from the house. He left because I was no longer there to be SD target so she was focusing on him. I love both my step-children, but SS makes it easy.

If you pray... please pray for this wonderful woman (DH's mom). She is 86 and acts like she's 60. She hates illness and limitations from her body. By the way, she was visiting and her own granddaughter (SD) threw shoes at her! She never stayed the night again and is completely supportive of my decision to leave. She has blessed me with her support. It helps to know I have done the right thing. It is just so painful missing DH!

Thank you for listening again.