Wishing SD were never born!!

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So DH and I had an AMAZING, fun, relazing week together .. & then SD comes. Sound familiar?

This morning SD comes into my bedroom and starts playing with my dog on the floor while I am still in bed sleeping. DH is downstairs on the couch watching TV. I told her politely a couple times to knock it off, and I told the dog too (to make it sound like I wasn't picking on her since that is what people seem to like to think). Of course she doesn't listen, so finally I get up and her and the dog run out. I slam the door and lay back down.

When I get up, I come downstairs and start cleaning (my Saturday morning routine). SD will not stop following me around, to the point where when I turn around I am literally tripping over her. I'm trying to clean & it's annoying the crap out of me. I told her a couple times to knock this off as well. Again, she doesn't listen. Finally, I get pissed because I can't get done what I want to get done & I storm out of the kitchen saying something about quit following me around.

DH says it's not a big deal. NOT A BIG DEAL. Seriously??? I told this girl NUMEROUS times to quit following me around while he sat on the couch and did NOTHING. She is not my kid. She's here to see him, not me. I have shit to do. If she's annoying me, he needs to do something with her.

Then DH said I'm just gonna have to deal with it & that really pissed me off. I'm still pissed and this was almost an hour ago. I told him he's mistaken, that I don't HAVE to deal with any of this, that's not my kid, I am here because I CHOOSE to be, I don't HAVE to deal with any of this!

Am I overreacting? Remember, this is a DAILY thing when she is here, which is 50/50 (week on, week off).

Honestly Cheri, I don't feel

Honestly Cheri, I don't feel like I pay that much attention to her. I will take her places with me every once in a while, but normally when she is here I like to get away. I have been going to visit friends, going to the gym, even working just to get out of here on these weeks!

But regardless, I just feel like he needs to find something for her to do aside from bugging me. Like I told him, she is there to see him, not me.

I'd say give her a chore

I'd say give her a chore right by your side, like while you wash or rinse dishes have her put them into the dishwasher. The while you scrub the tub have her clean the toilet. If you give her a chore she might actually WANT to get away from you, but I suspect she is craving any attention. Your work might get done sooner and yea, what's with dh on the couch???? He should be helping with like making breakfast while you clean and having sd frying the bacon while he makes the pancakes, etc. She is just lonely. When my kids and ss get lonely they start hanging around me, not so much anymore b/c they're older and have their friends, I just had them work alongside me. It does one of two things, it either makes them leave b/c they're not going to do chores or it makes them happy after an hour of being close to you and then they'll be happy on their own for awhile.

I know what you're saying

I know what you're saying sterling, but my SD just turned 5 so having her "help" will just take HOURS longer than I want to spend on it.

I really just want her to leave me alone }:)

But yes, I'm sure she just wants attention.

Exactly! Maybe that's what it

Exactly! Maybe that's what it is that has me fired up. When SD isn't around, I don't care as much what DH does while I am cleaning, but when she is there I get so angry! I just want to scream DO SOMETHING!

After our arguement, he left with SD to take her to the store and he just called and said he realized he was wrong and he's sorry. Whatever. I'm just glad he got her out of my hair for a little while.

He doesn't realize that I need breaks from the skid- I don't have the love, tolerance, or patience for her that he does because SHE IS NOT MY KID!

She sounds like a good kid

She sounds like a good kid though and if you work it right you might have yourself a great little helper eow!!

Thanks, Foxie. She loves

Thanks, Foxie. She loves making cupcakes and stuff like that & we do stuff like that a lot. If I am doing my hair/makeup she will come in and ask if I can do her and I always do. I just have a thing with cleaning I guess- I just want everyone out of my way so I can do my thing.

^^^THIS IS ME!!!^^^ My

^^^THIS IS ME!!!^^^ My husband knows I cannot stand skid, but God, how I would love to just let it ALL out, tell him how I really feel. I know it would do no good though, I would just be a bigger bitch than he already thinks I am when it comes to skid. We are the same way, the only good times are when skid is with BM or MIL, but even then, the tension looms, because by the time he is gone, DH is frazzled, I am disgusted, and already dreading skids return. I too feel like my life has been ruined because of my choice to marry a man with a child. My fault, my choice, but still ruined all the same. I hide in my room too, but skid is only 5, so, it will be a very long and awful exile and I know it is not a long term solution, especially is DH ever tries to make it where skid is here more, which BM is going back and forth on right now. If that happens, my marriage will not survive because DH will not put me first. I grew up in the same kind of home like you described, and feel that is the normal way, and cant seem to get used to this child centered mentality DH has, especially when he sees that it is killing his marriage. I mean my parents LOVED us, but my Dad would have defended my Mother to the death, and most certainly demanded respect, they were the team and we were their kids, not Dad and me against Mom. If I did even a minute fraction of what skid does I would have spent my life being knocked end over end and deservedly so. I have daydreams all the time of how things should be, and I know they will never be as they should. I tell everyone on here don't get married if you are not and that if I could go back I would take my own advice. I also feel like such a complete mindless idiot for ever thinking I could live this life. Granted, when I began dating DH skid was 2 and it was not this bad, it has all came to fruition after I was already in too deep.

That's me too, fedup. I dread

That's me too, fedup. I dread SD coming and can't wait for her to be gone. So I surely don't want her up my ass all week. Sorry but that's just how I feel. DH needs to take care of his own damn kid.

thiaflindz68, I feel the

thiaflindz68, I feel the exact same. Our time without SD is great and I would give anything to have it that way all the time. We have SD here 50% of the time so it's a lot. I wish she would just go stay with BM. I saw the same thing as you growing up too- my parents were together since high school and married, they always put each other first and I saw that growing up. It's so different with step families. It's like skid was here first so she gets put first. That's a bunch of bs if you ask me. My parents put each other first and had the strongest marriage I ever witnessed (dad passed away 3 years ago). I also have feelings about wishing I did not marry a man with kids. I don't even have kids. Why did I ever think I wanted to deal with all the drama?

The reason a 5 yr old is

The reason a 5 yr old is following you around the house is because you are the ONLY one paying attention to the girl. And she will continue to annoy you because she has nothing better to do. Her father is ignoring her watching TV. She is B.O.R.E.D.

Actually I have in issue with your DH sitting on his arse while you clean up. He should be doing something else rather than watching you go through your routine. In time (and as you get older)his lack of help WILL get to you.
But if you REALLY want him to keep SD occupied maybe his Saturday viewing can change a little to watching movies aimed at 5 yr old girls. After all (as you say) this IS his daughter.

I feel sorry for her. It is like everyone there doesn't REALLY want her there. Now if she was 12 I would say this is to annoy you. But she is only 5. And even if it takes her longer to do a chore (re: Foxie's post)at least SOMEONE is invested in her being independent and able to take care of herself.

Thank you, oneoffour! I can

Thank you, oneoffour!

I can definitely see that she is bored. She just kind of walks around the house with nothing to do. I will take her places with me sometimes, but honestly most of the times when I leave the house it's to get away so I really don't want to take her with me very often. Wish her dad would step it up.

Can you enrol her in some

Can you enrol her in some kind of club / activity at the weekends and get your DH to take her?? She sounds bored... and irritating The devil makes work for idle hands and all that jazz..

falaise, that is a really

falaise, that is a really good idea.. SD played soccer the last couple years but that's only a couple months out of the year and I don't even think she wants to do it again this year.. Maybe I can find something else for her to do and have DH take her

I recently enrolled my DSD in

I recently enrolled my DSD in theater school every Saturday morning - it's 3 hours long. Costs a small fortune but her attention-seeking behaviour was driving me to distraction and I figured performance school might channel it into something more constructive than driving the rest of us round the twist! I'd be lying if another benefit wasn't that she was out of the house all morning :jawdrop:
My DH takes her so Saturday mornings are nice and quiet in our house now!

LOL I hear ya! I came home

LOL I hear ya! I came home from work with the worst headache last night and DH wasn’t home yet (he picks up SD from his parent’s house when he gets off work). I straight up told him not to rush home with her because I have a headache and don’t feel like hearing her. Some people just don’t get it but I have such a low tolerance level for this kid. I really don’t even like kids lol people might question why I got involved with a man with a kid if I don’t like kids and believe me, I wish I knew in the beginning how it would be but it’s too late to think about that. I just want some peace and quiet!

EXACTLY!! I'm not mean to her

EXACTLY!! I'm not mean to her or anything, it's just that I need breaks from her! She's not my kid! I tried explaining to DH I don't have the same tolerance level he has just for the simple fact that she isn't mine. It's like he can't understand how someone could not want his little princess up their ass all the time.

& same with me, whenever I say something, I'm the bad guy. Every single time.

I find it cute that your SD

I find it cute that your SD follows you around its endearing. I can understand you needing your space when she is around, but honestly, your step kid could be a hell of a lot worse. Just read some stories and you'll see.
I am guessing that your DH had his daughter younger, early 20's. It seems his behaviour hasn't matured to your level. And by now I would think having a kid forces you into adulthood(i had mine at 22). Him just sitting on the couch watching TV while you clean and entertain his daughter, is an indicator of what he will be like in the future, if you don't say something. (Which it seems you have).
My DD father was like that sort of but we didnt make it to her first birthday. Thats why I say that.
I would stop cleaning and entertaining untill he contributes more and tell him that you are doing this untill things change. Its all about your tolerance level, if things aren't equal in terms of responsibility thats how resentment is built. These are just my two cents, mind you I am dating someone 20 years older than me and I dont think I could ever go back to someone around my age again.
best of luck!

I find it cute that your SD

Thanks for the input! I

Thanks for the input! I understand what you’re saying. It’s just that me, personally, I have anxiety (actual clinical, diagnosed anxiety and yes DH knows this) so I don’t find it cute to have a kid following me around all day lol actually I feel more like I’m going to have a panic attack! My chest gets tight and I feel like I’m going to explode.

As for DH, he had SD when he was 25. BM is 6 years younger than him so she was only 19 when SD was born (if you can’t tell from the ages, SD wasn’t planned- not by DH anyway).

I don’t mind doing the cleaning and whatnot around the house, all I am really asking of DH is to find something to occupy his kid while I am doing what I need to do, whether it be cleaning or working (some days I have to work from home), whatever the case may be. I tell him how I feel all the time, but it’s like he only listens when I actually get to the point of flipping out! I can tell when I am getting frustrated and I try to let him know how I am feeling, but he doesn’t respond to that. He will only do something when I actually get to my breaking point.

Like Saturday, I was telling SD and him all morning, no one listened to me, finally I got so pissed off I stormed out of the kitchen and that’s when DH decided to take SD out to get a freaking build a bear.

Wow, I just recently got

Wow, I just recently got diagnosed with anxiety as well. Mine was Mirena related(do not use that as a method of Birth Control). Mine has subsided recently untill the chemicals from the Mirena get out. Being in a step situation really exacerbates anxiety, it sucks because theres really nothing we can do but accept the situation(which can take a while). I take a long time to heal haha. I ironically learnt something in my university class recently(public policy class), but I think its applicable to all situations, acceptance and tolerance are two different things. You can tolerate something, but it doesn't mean you have to accept it.
If you learn to occupy yourself with something when his daughter is around(which you have been by cleaning) hopefully that will alleviate some of the stress. I used to get anxiety too whenever the skids were around, but I find by engaging with them and interacting with them, it actually alleviated some of my stress(which may have been imaginary).
Sorry if Im not coherent, I go on this site at work haha!
Also, in my opinion I believe those that suffer from anxiety tend to put too much pressure on themselves to either a) be perfect or b)please everyone around them.
Best of Luck!

Thank you!! I have had

Thank you!! I have had anxiety for almost 4 years now, ever since I watched my father die (long story but it was a drawn out, painful death). Some days I am completely fine, but others I am a mess and I admit that! Dealing with the drama of stepfamily life most definitely exacerbates it. This is why I try to get out and do different things on SD’s weeks with us, but it’s hard because we do have her 50/50, not just every other weekend and sometimes I don’t want to have to leave my own home just to get some peace and quiet. I like what you said – “You can tolerate something, but it doesn't mean you have to accept it.” – I think this definitely applies to my situation. I am only tolerating SD because I love her father. In reality, I hate the fact that he has a kid with another woman and I hate that I have to deal with BM drama nearly every day of my life. I just hate it! Thank God for this website because I feel like no one in “real life” understands!

You have the potential to

You have the potential to have a very special relationship with this baby. I hope you take advantage of her interest in you, for both your sakes
That being said, it's good to know your limits and needs. If cleaning Saturday morning is your special time and you don't want to have a little recruit (oh how I hope you will at least try "training" her to clean a few times. You will not believe how excited a kid gets over rubber gloves. My skids will clean ANYTHING whistling away like two of the 7 dwarfs as long as rubber gloves are involved lol) then him having a plan for special sat morning father/daughter time would probably be best. Poor little lonely thing. She can come clean with me!
Good luck!

Thank you. It’s not that I

Thank you. It’s not that I don’t do anything with SD. I just need frequent breaks. DH says SD is looking for a mother figure (long story but to make it short, BM is a complete piece of trash and does nothing for her kid) so that’s probably why she follows me around and seems so desperate for attention. It is sad, I know. I don’t mind taking her places with me and doing things with her sometimes, but I can’t be with her all day every day. It gets very overwhelming.

My SD 11 lives with us during

My SD 11 lives with us during the week and goes with her mother on weekends (Fri after school through Sunday). Very peculiar since, in my opinion, a mother should have her child, but that's another story. Part of my frustration too is that her mom does NOTHING for her, NOTHING to contribute and I get stuck with the day to day responsibilites. Its my house, my food, my PGE bill that I pay, etc. I work full time and have to jam to pick her up from school every day (I also pick up my Bio son, 10), and cook dinner every night. But, once dinner is done, I'm done. Usually by then, my husband is home from work anyway. I make sure my son is busy doing something, like homework or cleaning his room, etc. and I go to my room and hide out. I feel bad too because my son loses out a bit because most of the time I really just want to get away from her. She is obnoxious, spoiled and has an attitude, which I cant stand! I cant wait for Fridays to come (its the one day I get a break from picking her up from school, plus I know she'll be gone for 2 days, but then I dread Sundays, which is when she comes back. At least in my situation, she knows not to even come in my room without knocking and thats only if she needs to ask a question, etc. She certainly wouldnt be in there while I'm asleep! With the attitude she has now, I dread what I'll be dealing with in a few years. My husband dotes on her enough as it is. I try and disengage as much as I possibly can. I grab a glass of wine after dinner and retreat. It's how I get through!

I completely relate to you

I completely relate to you Jada. I'm equally frustrated at my DSD's Mom's lack of imput, she does the bare minimum, if that.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that goes on strike and pours a vino as soon as my DH walks through the door!

Oh hell......my bio daughter

Oh hell......my bio daughter does that to me. Last night I went off on her after she stepped on the back of my flip flop for about the fourth time. I said "get the hell outta here! Go watch Spongebob or something!" I was in the kitchen trying to fix dinner. Jeezus! You have to be up someone's ass pretty far in order to step on their flip flops! You are right christinen, it is very annoying! And this is with MY kid......I can't imagine how pissed I'd be if it was one of DH's ex wife's kids. UUGGHHHH!

Exactly, hippiegirl! Lol! She

Exactly, hippiegirl! Lol! She follows so close that when I stop walking she literally runs into me and if I turn around quickly I will practically trip over her. She does the same thing to DH. Freakin drives me nuts!

^^ I like that too lol

I like that too lol

well, first of all, I think

well, first of all, I think she really likes you! That´s a very positive turning point, you can give her some tasks to do, she will feel more special.
Congratulations, it seems you have her under control, even if you feel disturbed.
That´s the opposite to me, If I am in the living room she runs to another room, does not respond to me, etc (she has psychological issues)

Try to take advantage of this situation and relax, as you say it´s 50% of the time.

You are here

Wishing SD were never born!!