Advice from another step site
There are some goods points here. I thought I would share. 
Keep skid chains on your tongue; always say less than you think. Cultivate a low, persuasive voice. How you say it counts more than what you say.
Make promises sparingly, and keep them faithfully, no matter what it costs.
Never let an opportunity pass to say a kind and encouraging word to or about somebody. Praise good work, regardless of who did it. If criticism is needed, criticize helpfully, never spitefully.
Be interested in others, their pursuits, their work, their homes and families. Make merry with those who rejoice; mourn with those who weep. Let everyone you meet, however humble, feel that you regard him or her as a person of importance.
Be cheerful. Don't burden or depress those around you by dwelling on your minor aches and pains and small disappointments. Remember, everyone is carrying some kind of a load.
Keep an open mind. Discuss but don't argue. It is a mark of a superior mind to be able to disa gree without being disagreeable.
Let your virtues speak for themselves. Refuse to talk of another's vices. Discourage gossip. It is a waste of valuable time and can be extremely destructive.
Be careful of another's feelings. Wit and humor at the other person's expense are rarely worth it and may hurt when least expected.
Pay no attention to ill-natured remarks about you. Remember, the person who carried the message may not be the most accurate reporter in the world. Simply live so that nobody will believe them. Disordered nerves and bad digestion are a common cause of backbiting.
Don't be too anxious about the credit due you. Do your best, and be patient. Forget about yourself, and let others "remember." Success is much sweeter that way.
Camelions
change their colors to suit their enviornment. I feel that at times that is what we are expected to do and if we don't we are the bad guy/gal. I feel their are times I have to swallow my pride, ego, and insecurities to suit everyone else even at times asking me to compromise my feelings. I know there are times that is the best thing for everyone including me. But their are other times where I feel no one is watching out for my feelings.
LOL, ya know, I feel the same way about alot of this too
I often feel like we as the step parent are supposed to be seen but not heard, which is crap in my opinion. I guess what I got from it was that I need to be me and not worry what the bm, skids or in-laws think about me and that I don't have to be perfect and if they don't like it who cares. Not sure where I got all of that out of this but it made me feel good.
Maybe I should go dust off my apron, lol...
Needed a good laugh and holy crap I am not perfect :-)
You know I really needed your insight and you made me laugh which is exactly what I needed. Thank you. Not sure how we get to the point where we need to feel perfect but few, I cannot deal with that!!!
Did you get this from the "Stepford Stepmom" Website?
Because that's exactly what came to mind when I read it!
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
Can we order this?
That is perfect, I have been accused of wishing for the first wife to be gone and for the kids to be ours all the time!! The maid is an added bonus. Does she also change the sheets?
Alice did it all!
She cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, did the food shopping, played with the kids, even went on vacations with them.
No wonder Carol was always smiling. In fact...do you EVER remember seeing her truly upset, stressed out or irritated???
Damn- I want an "Alice" too
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
Nice thought. BUT - I'm in the been there tried that...and now
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
now that I have wiped the mud and shite off my face and out of my hair from having them smear it on me, I can see clearly.
I can clearly see that if I acted in that angelic fashion there would be absolutely nothing left of me.
And I really kind of like who I am (and she's finally coming back after a long absence, due to fear of H's reactions). A woman who stands up for herself.
If I had followed a lot of these suggestions
My DH and I would never have been able to resolve our issues. I had to be a total bi!@# at times for him to get my point. I have a problem with sugar coating - I really don't do it all that well!! Some of the points are great though. I like the one about making promises sparingly and about not gossiping although I admit that is very hard to not do, especially when it comes to the BM. I am trying hard to be nice about her, but somehow when you know she does illegal things with children it's just hard to be pleasant and nice.
"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac
Actually
I was kind of raised to be this way, and I swear my mom was this way. I aspired to this for years and got so stomped on, ripped off and basically abused that I finally stood up for myself. A lot of people do not like me as much since I 'changed' to be assertive.
People want YOU to be this way so it is easier for them to take advantage of you. They are NOT this way and that is just conveniently 'who they are' - yeah right!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin