Great Grandmother's Death Bed
O.K. I know the subject is a little bizzare. Since I have joined I have always gotten great advice so once again I am counting on all of you:-)
BM's mother died when BF and BM were together at the age of 52. Now my SS and SD have been close and really only knew the BM's grandmother (their Great Grandmother). We got a call this week on Tuesday which is our week without the kids from the BM stating her grandmother was not expected to live more than 24 hours and she wanted to drive the 2 hours to be with her until tonight - Thursday and did we want to keep them. My DH asked me and I said, "Of course". I mean horrible situation of course we would do so DH is BF. Now in the back of my mind I am thinking what if she dies is she going to want the kids there, if so how are they going to get there, etc.
Fast forward to this morning....BM calls my husband and asks if we could bring the kids to see their Bilogical Great Grandmother as she is asking to see them and also wants to see my husband and meet me. My DH states let me talk with SAD and I will call you back. We talk and of course I am thinking...do the right thing, and the right thing is take them over meet her, etc. So, I call the BM back and she says, "Thank you for bringing them and BH was so close to her and she asked to see him and I have told her all about you and how great you are to the kids and she would like to meet you". Ugh, what can I say but, "Of course".
Now, I know I was caught up in the emotions of it all and so I said yes. I am now thinking What the heck did I get myself into, they are divorced and she should ask someone else to take the kids on the 2 hour each way drive after they get out of school today and why in the heck after they have been divorced for five years would the grandmother ask to see BF and meet me?
Am I all wet here? I know the adult thing is to suck it up and do it, but I also think on the flip side we are being manipulated by the ex-wife. She did say when I called her back that her Dad would drive back and pick up the kids but then I am thinking what if she did die while he was gone and then I would feel bad.
O.K. I know this is long so I am done. Thoughts?
I kinda of see it as
if a one of the kids family members dies either side of the family that the other parent would want to be there for them. H and I were together 2 years when BM's mom died. H had been with BM for like 12 years so H, his mother, and myself went to the funeral, I prepared food, and we brought SS home with us after the funeral. Now my BM is crazy, mean, selfish and hateful and that is putting it nicely but we were there for SS and so H could pay respects to BM's mom.
BF
BM's father died a couple months before they were divorced and we had only been dating a few months at the time. BF called his parents and the three of them went to the wake together but not the funeral. BF and I both felt he should make an appearance out of respect for the family since they were married for about 10 years.
Go meet the nice old lady - what's the worse thing she can do to you - tell you you aren't as nice looking as BM??
LOL
Manipulation
I just feel that it is manipulative on the BMs part. All she does is state that the family would be together if it weren't for the BF and it is his fault and tells the kids that. He has not spoken to her (BMs Grandmother) for five years since they were divorced. I think it is the wrong decision as it is not putting our relationship first. The best decision would be for us to take the kids drop them off and tell the BM we will get the kids there but we will not be in.
Obviously the best for the kids is for them to be there and the BM and her entire family will be there so why is it that we have to be there?
Honestly, I would just take
Honestly, I would just take the kids, walk them in, say hello & say you're guys are going to get going so they can spend time as a family. It clearly states you guys do not consider yourselves part of the her family and lets you do whats right for the kids as well. Just a quick drop off, meeting and say goodbye.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
That is great advice and now I feel horrible
The DH called the BM and stated we couldn't bring them and the BM didn't state that her father was in town and could take them until we stated we couldn't bring them. They were picked up by BGF and Step Grandmother and taken the two hour drive to see their Great Grandmother. I feel bad and cannot figure out if I am just trying to make a point or if it is just something she should have never asked.
If she knew her Dad was going to be in town and could have picked up the kids why would she put us in that situation? That is what I have a hard time with and my DH as the "Guilt ridden parent" she could push his buttons. To me it states she hasn't moved on and does not have anyone in her life and wants him there. Ugh. I may be overexagerating but it is still hard.
I know in my heart taking the high road is the right answer it just doesn't feel right to me.