i've got 3 bios myself. I would never say that the first was more special than the other two. All equally special to me. My dh and i did not get to do the firsts with one another, we both came into the relationship with children. But the child we have together is incredibly special as she is the "first" that came from us.

I have no experience with having a skid and no bios, but i will say this. YOU will go through such a miraculous change and feel such a love like you have NEVER felt before when your first, or ANY BIO baby comes. Everyone else in this universe will become secondary to you. DH should be as excited as you are, I wouldn't worry about that. He LOVES YOU, and WANTS to have a baby with you. Forget that skid, you will never give that kid a second GLANCE once you have a baby of your own. Won't matter to you what DH does, you will have no time for skid. YOUR baby will be your priority.

It seems only natural that he would lavish attention on any child that he has not seen in two weeks or whatever. Plus you're going to be hyper-sensitive to this so I have little doubt you're going to have a problem with how he acts.

Let me let you in on a dirty little secret. Every parent, yes every parent, has a favorite. Most cover it well and others not so much. Nobody can predict how your husband will handle it and yes being the second family he may very well consider your bio-kid a second class child and treat them as such.

My generic advise to childless mothers is to find a guy with no children. After all there are millions out there so why go through all this drama? The age of his first born gives me hope but you are going to have to be very giving of his time towards his first. This will be especially true if his first is a boy.

Your child will have the advanage of a full time father in the home - his first born will have at best a day or two per week. I think the success of this is for you to put your natural tendency to fend for your blood offspring and let your husband do what he feels necessary to maintain a relationship with his first child.

If you can't put your own feelings, instinctive selfishness, behind you then I highly recommend you find a childless man to father your children. Please don't be insulted by the word 'selfishness' - its only natural for a mother to want to protect and nurture their bio-children and you're not an exception. But to make this work you've got to set that instinct aside or your venture is doomed.

Men don't really get that excited about pregnancy and babies the way that we do. I think the more important thing will be whether or not he takes care of you and caters to you while pregnant/after birth. My husband was just amazing to me during my entire pregnancy. Be sure to warn your man ahead of time that you have absolutely ZERO desire to hear about how his ex's pregnancy went or what he did then. As long as he follows that rule and takes good care of you, you will be a happy mama. Don't stress too much about it.

Also, if you have a baby, that will be the baby that is there all the time. Don't be afraid of your husband giving more or less attention to whichever child. They are completely different ages and will get very different types of attention. You don't have much to worry about.

Good luck!

I think as long as you guys are able to communicate about it, and he is aware and sensitive of your feeligns, and has constantly improved n it, that it's not a bad deal all around.

However, I'd get some other things, like the issues you listed, solved before committing to having a child with him. You don't want to stand there and say "This isn't how I imagined it was going to be."

With that said, DH and I are expecting our first. He wasn't there for any of the firsts for SS (a result of a fling gone psycho), not the pregnancy, not the birth, not anything, and he had assured me a long time ago that our first would be the most special damn thing on the planet. He kept assuring me even until now.

But let me tell you, men are just not going to be as excited as we think they should be. He has no idea what the cramps are like, the insomnia, the nausea, the mood swings, cravings, heartburn, and abject fear of a creature growing inside you, living off the good and the bad you feed yourself is like. He tries to be sympathetic, and even excited, but for them, it's hard to be excited when it's not right in front of him. He was excited about the baby clothes my mom bought for like... two minutes. Attention span of a gnat. He'd much rather talk about finishing the house (he says it's for the baby, but I see the way he gets excited about installing a new sink, and I'm all "Nope, just for you.")

It's abstract, and they can't interact with the baby or affect it's growth like you can in pregnancy, and therefore there's a level of separation and their interest can only be held so long about something they currently have no control over. But your SS is there and he can tangibly interact with him, so you're going to feel, even during pregnancy, that it seems to be mismatched or unfair. So please be aware that will probably happen, but know that when it is born, and your DH gets to bond with your little one, that he will fall in love all over again.

(At least hopefully, hewon't be the kind of dad that ends up ignoring your kid because he feels guilty about the skid. If you have an inkling he might be like that, I say don't have kids with him unless you are okay with that.)

I feel this way sometimes. I have a SS and SD so I can't give him his first born anything. He bought a house with his ex, he bout cars and boats with his ex. I can't give him any of those firsts. We actually had a long discussion about this when we were planning our wedding. He was so not into it and actually wanted to elope. I sat him down and explained...look I have never been married, have no children, waited for this day for my entire life, dreameda bout having a family. I told him this is a new relationship..different tahn the last and if he can't get excite dand be involved then we shouldn't get married. Of course he woke up and now I think we're good. He is more excited abut having a baby than I am. I still have those moments, but I think as a second wife those thoughts are normal....we just have to deal with them and move forward.

I used to worry about this but FDH and I talked and he said that this will be different because he didn't love BM, they accidently got pregnant and they planned on an abortion and she changed her mind last minute and he was angry because he didn't want to be a dad at 21 (if you ask me his dumba$$ shouldn't have been bumping uglies with anyone if he wasn't ready to be a dad, but I digress... Anyway, where as with us, we're going to plan to have a baby when WE decide to not because I was too irresponsbile to take birth control/put on a rubber and we are going to raise that baby TOGETHER, so i know it'll be different. The baby you guys have together will be just as special if not more because he is going to be with that baby everyday as opposed to the weekends or however your sched id... Another thing it will be a first because it's the FIRST baby you guys have TOGETHER. ::hugs:: Don't worry!!!

Will speak from my experience on this one. My DH has two teenagers and I am childless and wanting...I think.. :?

Some days I feel like we need to start trying for a baby. Then the next week comes and I push the thought of being a parent far out of my head. So I get confused in not knowing if I'm wanting or if its my biological clock ticking. In the past with DH during the times I'm wanting to try, we have discussed this very topic. I came to realize that I was struggling with a couple different things.

During the times I'm running from the idea of being a parent, I'm grabbing at straws to why I don't want to try. The big one for me has been DH has been there and done that but I haven't. It made me feel like sloppy seconds so to speak. I learned it is my problem and for me, its an ego thing.

I would strongly suggest that you have a heart to heart talk with your DH about this and tell him how you really feel, your fears, and ask for his support where you feel weak on. You may have talked with DH but as long as you are still questioning or feeling unsure, there is still work ahead. I think it is great that you came here seeking advice and you are not alone.

Here is one thing you can do on your own time or with you and your DH. If you do this together, do it individually before either of you share it with one another. Write down on a notebook every pro and every con you can think of about having a baby with your DH. Take as much time as you need doing this even if it takes up to a month. I say that bc I don't know if your mind keeps going back and forth like mine does. Once the list is complete to your satisfaction, you can read it out loud to your DH or have him read it out loud to you. I would take the conversation from there. You may choose to take it to counseling, keep it between DH and you, or seek advice from family/friends.

I did this project and it helped me sort out my thoughts. My DH did not realize how to be supportive until I was able to show him where my problem lied. He changed my heart and thoughts since. He feels that yeah he has kids but ours would be a first in ways he missed out on. His EX wanted to be a single parent that gets paychecks too. So he assured me that it would be a first for us in ways that are all the more special. He would give the world to be a real family unit, come home from work to kids and a wife, and have what he feels was taken from him.

I wish you the best of luck and lots of happiness