I like one of my stepkids better than the other. Does anyone else feel this way?
From day one, I've clicked with my older stepdaughter. She was six when we first met and is now 11. She's not perfect--she tends to be impatient with anyone she thinks isn't as smart as she is, and she can be sulky and withdrawn on occasion. But overall she's a funny, interesting kid with pretty good manners. She gets excellent grades, excels in sports, loves to try new things, and has a natural curiosity about everything around her. She interacts well with others and is often invited to playdates, sleepovers, etc. She's generally a pleasure to be around.
From day one, I've had difficulty clicking with her younger sister, who was three when we met and is now seven. She is clingy, needy, complains constantly, and doesn't display even the most basic manners. It is difficult to try to correct or coach her on anything because she cries and complains that what I've said has upset her. I've come to suspect that some of this is manipulation rather than genuine emotion, which makes me dislike the behavior even more, and makes it tough to have empathy for her. She is not curious, is not interested in trying new things, does not seem inclined to do anything that requires effort, and is just plain a chore to be around. She constantly complains about some real or imagined ailment, and can always find an excuse not to do something that the rest of the family might enjoy. She is like an aged and crotchety person in the body of a seven-year-old.
We have the kids half the time, and I find myself spending more and more extra hours at work when the kids are with us. My husband has always been the primary caretaker and has asked very little of me with regard to cooking, childcare, etc., which I appreciate. But I want to have a better attitude, and I want to be able to help him out more. He's a really good man, I'm lucky to have him, and he shouldn't have to do everything alone when the kids are with us.
I also want to figure out a way to help my younger SD become more confident, resilient, optimistic, and positive than she is. Some of this stuff can be taught, right? Being like her seems like a miserable way to spend life.
I can say yes, I do like one
I can say yes, I do like one of my SDs more than the other. Basically, I don't like either of them terribly much, but SD17 does at least show some politeness, we have a bit of conversation, although she is prone to rages and can't control herself. (Both of them have ADHD). Her sister, SD16, sounds like an older version of your SD7. Sneaky, selfish, manipulative and not very easy to like.
I'm afraid I have no suggestions of how you can change things. If other people have I will be very impressed!
Good luck.
Let me tell you a well kept
Let me tell you a well kept secret. Every parent has a favorite. No reason for a step to be different.
What follows is a story and you can skip it if you wish:
In my case it was my brother. lol Really. He was the sickly one and got a lot of attention. Four years younger than me I didn't realize how much he was favored until I was well into adulthood so it didn't bother me. Unfortunately for him he never was made to grow up and when he turns 65 in a few months he'll be driving a taxi - you see being babied never required him to grow up and become his own man. This is not a unusual story when it comes to favorites I've found.
Yes, I favor one over the
Yes, I favor one over the other. The oldest SS is moody and can try your last nerve but he is smart, interested in things and can almost carry on a conversation. The youngest one is babied, he is tough to take on a good day. Doesn't listen, doesn't care to. Has complaint hour every evening while at our house and the kicker, he says..."my mom" this and that all the time. Drives me nuts. We call him the town crier as he'll tell everyone and anyone the same story over and over. He lives up his mom's butt....has no other perspective to talk about. Doesn't say anything that doesn't come from mom. If you ask him how he is he responds with "my mom says I feel..." Good Lord boy, step back from mom and think for yourself. He is almost 10.
Ahhh, thanks, all. This makes
Ahhh, thanks, all. This makes me feel better. I will continue to pretend I both like and love them equally, and will look for ways to help the younger one become more self-sufficient and positive--whether she likes it or not! I know adults who are like her and they are really unpleasant to be around. I'm determined not to raise one of those people. If I succeed and she hates me during the process, it really won't matter that much to me.
Tryingmom, your SS sounds like the counterpart to my SD. My condolences.
I only have ONE skid so he is
I only have ONE skid so he is my favorite Skid. I don't feel like I favor one BD over the other. They both have their moments with me. Some days I want to strangle the older one, and some days I want to strangle the younger one
I do have to say that their dad favors the younger over the older. Honestly I think it is because our oldest is EXACTLY like me, and she has gotten really close to DH and SS. YBD is a Daddy's girl. It bothers me that it is just KNOWN that she is her dads favorite.
I know it is probably normal to have a fav but do your best to keep it under your hat. It's really hard on the kids knowing they are NOT the fav. My OBD will text me from her dads from time to time with her feelings hurt. And there is really nothing I can do about it. Breaks my heart.
Yep. Though he does have his
Yep. Though he does have his moments, I like SS13 far better than I like SS8. They just have completely different personalities. I used to feel bad about it, but then I think, If these were anyone else's kids, would I feel bad about liking one who's just...well, unlikeable? Nope.
SS13 has a very sweet, laid-back personality. He's polite, thoughtful, and overall interested in other people. He's lazy as the day as long, puts no effort into school, and acts like a toddler sometimes, but he's very likeable.
SS8 is the complete opposite. He's mean, nasty, and sarcastic. He always has a sour puss on, and gives people (including DH and his grandparents)those stiff, one-armed, cold-fish hugs. He throws a fit whenever he doesn't get his way, screams obscenities, and will literally throw himself on the floor if he hears the word "no." In other words, he acts exactly, exactly like his mother. Even DH, sad to say, doesn't "like" who this kid is. He loves and cares about him of course, but doesn't "like" him per se.
SS8 is blatantly favored by BM. He's the Little Prince and SS13 exists to wait on him. It's very obvious and makes me want to cringe.