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Was doing the dishes

NoraAstepmom's picture

Submitted by NoraAstepmom on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 6:31pm

Forums: 
Adult Stepchildren

Was doing the dishes and thinking about this site, And the storeys I read on here today. Was thinking what if the roles were reversed. How would our husband feel if he were the one having to deal with the issues that we as step moms are dealing with. I havent gone way back on this site reading all the storeys. Was wondering if anyone on here has wrote there husband a letter saying how they feel but have not gave it to them..I myself when he isnt here i say all the things I wish I could say out loud to myself pretend he is there. LOL Blum 3 am I loosing it.

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 7:57pm

Yes you've lost it - finally over the hill and its all downhill to the looney bin.

I just read a Post from women who, having filed for divorce, told her husband off as well as the BM and the kid. Nothing to lose she figured. Now the divorce is off because she's put her foot down and pretty much ended all the crap flinging and disciplines the kid something sorely needed. Daddy is just fine with it - seems he's one of those guys who needs a woman to make the decisions.

He's happy, she's happy, BM doesn't contact her any longer and the kid is getting the discipline needed. Maybe you need to tell him a thing or three?

jennaspace's picture

Submitted by jennaspace on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 11:20pm

I tell my DH everything, no holds barred. I'm here to testify, it doesn't help much! We both feel more isolated. I try to make analogies (like pretend it's your boss doing it) because men don't really get RA. They don't do this kind of RA to each other (much) so they really don't know what it's like to be barraged by it.

I did recently get a book and my DH says it's the first book that he's read that makes sense from a male perspective about how to communicate. He has counseled couples and he told me tonight that he feels guilty that he was trying to make men be like women because he was following what most counseling books and classes teach. He wished he had read this book before counseling any couple.

He is devouring this book. I'm reading through it and waiting for the part that helps us feel more connected by speaking each other's language.

He actually agreed tonight that one of the main reasons he doesn't like to talk about his family is because it's shaming to him that they treated me like that. This is covered in the book. The later part of the book is supposed to deal with how to connect for both sexes, I haven't gotten there yet.

I will probably write a post after I'm done all done reading because I think it may help us to understand our DH's view point and why we both (the genders) feel so isolated from each other.

Here's the link in case you're interested.. http://www.amazon.com/Improve-Marriage-Without-Talking-About/dp/07679231...