No more b!tching about the same things. It's time to put up or shut up DH!!!
So last night I finally had it with DH. The last little straw that landed on the camels back. It was an action that pretty much sums up our relationship not matter how small it was.
DH picked me up from work at 6 pm. He had all of the kids in the car. He states that he didn't have time for dinner so we are all going out so we did. As we are walking to our table SS says, "daddy will you sit next to me" and of course DH says yes. (I know this seems small, but this is how it always is with SS and DH.) At that point I decided enough is enough as DH sat inbetween SS and SD. I know that before DH even left the house to pick me up SS was glued to his side in his chair so it's not like DH didn't get to spend time with him. Why couldn't he sit next to his wife at a freaking restaurant.
You know I really don't ask for much. Be my husband and parent your children. I'm tired of not coming first and quite frankly I'm over the fighting about it. I am not asking him to neglect his kids but I am asking for him to find some time for me and not just leave me with the left overs.
I didn't talk or look at him the entire meal. When we got home all of the kids took as shower and of course when SS was done he resumed his place at DH's side. (So that would pretty much every moment DH had throughout the day that he spent with SS as usual.)
After everybody was in bed, I chose to sleep on the couch for the third night in a row I sent DH a text explaining that I will no longer be unhappy and miserable in this relationship. If he can't manage to put me first then I will but don't expect me to just sit there and wait my turn because I won't be there. I'll be doing something that I enjoy doing. If he can't give me what I need (emotional support, acting like a husband) then fine. I'm sure that there is someone out there that will.
I feel so good. I feel like a huge weight has lifted off of my chest and that I can finally breath now. I'm excited for the first time in I don't know how long. I can read books now (which I love) instead of waiting for my turn after the kids go to bed. I can make friends and go out with them. I can get into some hobbies of some sort now.
I AM NO LONGER GOING TO COME SECOND.
I WILL NO LONGER BE WAITING MY TURN WITH MY HUSBAND.
I DESERVE BETTER.
I DESERVE TO HAVE SOMEBODY BE EMOTIONALLY INTIMATE WITH ME.
I DESERVE TO HAVE SOMEBODY LISTEN TO ME.
I DESERVE TO HAVE MY NEEDS MET.
I DESERVE TO COME FIRST.
Man does that feel good.
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Oh and I loved his, "why
Oh and I loved his, "why don't you make time for us remark." Really!!! You're always hanging out with SS. I mean always and it's notmy job to go over kick SS ou of your lap and make the kids go to their rooms to play just so we can spend some time together. I am always available to spend time with DH and quite frankly they aren't my kids and if he wanted to spend time with me HE needs to make it happen.
He just wants me to do it all. "Tell me when SD is is being direspectful because I don't see it, point out when the kids aren't listening because I don't see it, tell me what to do and how to parent because I don't know how, and now it's tell my kids to go away if you want to spend time with me." So besically what he wants is to have to put no effort into anything, not make any changes because he can't see it, have me do all of the work, and expects me not to get upset about it. Yeah. Not going to happen. He can figure his sh!t out on his own.
And I agree with that
And I agree with that statement 100%.
You go! Enjoy every moment of
You go!
Enjoy every moment of finding you, finding your path in life. Either he'll choose to join you or you'll be well on your way to a happy life without him.
Course when So's dd is up his ass, I just pick her up and move her reminding her I come first (though SO is usually on top of this issue ever since I did it the first time after watching her fawn all over him rolling on his lap kissing him over and over and over. I finally just said "off your dad go play." picked her up sat her on the ground and asked him to watch a movie with me. She stomped her foot once and he went off, "you will never stomp your feet at me or Lalena your behaving like a spoiled needy child and that won't fly with me, she moved you because you were driving me nuts, I love you but your my kid not my gf."
Sometimes he needs to see an action to get a point, sighing and rolling my eyes hadn't worked for an hour so I acted.
Okay, Unhappy - now we are
Okay, Unhappy - now we are going to hold your feet to the fire. Don't just make the threats about going out and doing your own thing - actually DO THAT. And I would skip the family restaurant meals if I were you.
Do you have siblings or parents to visit with? They are a Godsend for me when I just have to get the hell outta Dodge.
I do have family but they
I do have family but they live in another state so that's kind of out of the question. I don't have any firends because I have devoted my all to this relationship but that can change and will change. I will be doing my own thing from now on and either he realizes that he's about to lose me or he doesn't. Don't really care.
Foxie, This isn't going to
Foxie,
This isn't going to happen this time. I'm over it. If he can't be the man that I need him to be fine. I'm 31 years old, not over weight, am pretty good looking, and I have a well behaved child. The odds of me finding someone that wants to be with me and not a 6 year old are pretty good.
I've done the sitting back down in my chair quietly for three years now and I refuse to do it any longer. None of the exuses are going to fly anymore. I will not just be used to take up the time when SS is not with us or is sleeping. I have always been a fighter and I don't take crap from anybody. Some where along the way over the last three years I lost that about myself. Well guess what? I found it last night. I'm not happy. I'm not happy with my husband and I am not happy with the life that I am leading right now. But guess what? I can find happiness. I can be happy. It's all about the choices that I make and choose not to make. DH can either get on board or become exDH. I don't really care anymore. I AM PUTTING MYSELF FIRST.
yes you do deserve all of
yes you do deserve all of those things...I think 2013 has a little trend going here on step talk ...appears everyone is putting their voices out there to be heard
How often does he have his
How often does he have his kids?
Every other week Monday
Every other week Monday through Monday. So we have them half of the year. So how it works is when SS and SD are with us it's all about SS until 8 pm, which is their bed time. Then and only then can DH find the time to spend with me. Weekends are the same unless SS is outside playing or DH's football game is on. On the weeks that we don't have SS DH has all of the time in the world to spend with me but he's usually on the computer looking at football stuff or playing his online poker game until my BD goes to bed at 8. Well actually it can keep going after that. Then there are the phone calls with is mother, father, brother, and friends. Those can take up a considerable amount of time especailly if he's on the phone with his father talking about football.
Oh and I almost forgot the 20
Oh and I almost forgot the 20 minute tickle cuddle session with SS after 8 pm. That's DH's way of tucking him in.
I am kind of on the fence
I am kind of on the fence about your situation. I really do believe that if he only sees the kids EOW, then most of that time should be about the kids. Note…I did say most and not ALL. Especially when they are that small. But your Dh seems to take it to extreme with the boy. Kind of weird.
Do you get pretty good quality time on the weeks that you do not have his kids?
If by good quality time do
If by good quality time do mean fighting constantly, DH being on the computer, talking with his mother, brother, father, and friends all of the time, and falling asleep? I would say no. That's no good quality time.
And he has his kids every other week. That's six months out of the year. I could see things being this way if he had them every other weekend. That's four days a month. I would be a lot more understanding.
Oh, and in his eyes he doesn't have a wierd relationship with SS. He feels that SS is the only one in the house that shows DH unconditional love so that's why he spends every second he can with him. :sick: Whatever.
I just read your above post
I just read your above post that he neglects you on his off weeks also. Are you pointing that out to him too, or just focusing on the kid? Seems like skids may no be the main problem really.
Willow, I've gotten to a
Willow,
I've gotten to a point that I really don't care to point anything out to him. Here's how it goes when I do.
ME: DH I see this happening.
DH: It is not.
ME: Yes DH it is.
DH: Your just crazy.
ME: Whatever DH.
A couple of days/weeks later.
ME: DH I see this happening.
DH: It is not.
ME: Yes DH I see it.
DH: You're just crazy or you just have it out for my kids.
ME: Whatever DH.
A couple of weeks/months later.
ME: DH we need to talk.
DH: I don't want to deal with it right now.
A couple of months later.
Now I'm pissed at being ignored and there's no more DH I see this happening. I'm upset and frustrated at the situation. This is usually when I get accused of being bi polar and told that I need medication.
Eventually.
Something happens that is so extreme that DH is forced to listen and actually realize that what I have been trying to point out was indeed happening and now he has to actually do something about it.
This whole experience can take anywhere from a year to two and a half years before he actually listens to what I have to say.
Unhappy... Is that job still
Unhappy... Is that job still open that you were talking about last month or so? That just sounds like a terrible way to live.
I doubt it. I'm sure that
I doubt it. I'm sure that they'll be hiring again though. Eventually.
I love the fact that he keeps texting me all p!ssed off about my decision to do my own thing and not wait around for him. So far he's called me crazy and bipolar. I think he threw in that I needed help some where in there. What I don't get is why he's so upset. I have been asking for more time and attention from him for two and a half years now. It's not like I just sprung it on him. And becides, everything will stay the same. I just won't be waiting their to fill his time when SS isn't around.
Unhappy, I sense you are
Unhappy, I sense you are getting close to the boiling point....you are awfully young. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't be one of these people on here that just complains and complains year after year.
You seem like such a sweet person and your situation sounds like crap. No offense. You don't deserve to waste your life way like this. I truly believe that a better life is waiting for you out there. Maybe just start slowly here and there adding in new things to slowly MOVE OUT AND AWAY from this jackass.
Who wants a man they have to
Who wants a man they have to beg and plead for their attention anyways? Screw that!Its one thing to be attentive to their kids, but this man is ignoring you. MAYBE he's GAY???
He's not gay. He is going
He's not gay. He is going about this all wrong. He is acting as if this is the first family with his kids only it's not. Maybe spending every waking second with his son was okay in her first marraige but I beg to differ about the second. I've tried to explain it to him time and time again that we need our time to build our relationship and it shouldn't be every other week and after 8 pm on the weeks that he has his kids. But he just doens't get and I don't think he ever will. Don't really care anymore.