Another interesting thing I learned this weekend
DH informed me that BM toldSD19 that she needs to get her stuff out of BM's house by the end of winter break.
Background: DH and BM divorced when SD was 2. Shared (50/50) custody was ordered with no CS, although DH agreed to pay education (private school) and daycare expenses. BM remarried when SD was 4, DH and I met when SD was 5, married when she was 8. Had first BD when SD was 10. When SD was 11, BM moved an hour away with her two kids from the second marriage and left SD with DH and I. So custody changed to 65/35 but we still did not get CS from BM. Second BD was born when SD was 13. When SD was 15, she decided she wanted to live with BM. BM refused to take her until the court ordered DH to pay CS, so we had SD 6 months beyond what was supposed to happen. When she left, she took ALL the stuff of hers she wanted and lots of stuff that didn't even belong to her. SD lived with BM and finished school and saw DH only infrequently (at one time only seeing him three times in an entire year). While with BM, SD got mad at BM for not agreeing to rent her a hotel room for an after-prom party and for taking away her cell phone when she got caught drinking underage. SD moved out of BM's house and in with BM's parents, who promptly bought SD an iPhone and everything else her heart desired. SD lived with BM's parents for over a year before moving in with BM to finish up the second half of her senior year.
SD decided to go to college about an hour from BM (2 hours from DH and I). Tried to drop out after first semester but DH convinced her to stick with it. After the first year, SD decided to switch to the college in the town where she'd attended high school and where BM lives (back to being an hour from us). SD has been at this new college for one semester and BM is telling her to get out. EXCEPT, SD lives in the dorms, not even with BM.
I tried to get DH to tell me his theory as to why BM is doing this, but he wouldn't bite. I can tell you a large part of it is that BM is fed up with SD's take, take, take attitude. SD has bragged to DH via text and to his face about how she uses people for what she wants, including BM's parents. Like when DH told SD he wasn't going to just buy her a car when she turned 16, she said, "Fine, I'll just tell grandma and grandpa to buy me one and they will."
I think you really have to be something to be kicked out of your own mother's house. DH of course would never do that, but as we now live five hours away, SD coming to live with us is NOT an option. Not to mention somebody would likely be dead or seriously injured within a week and it would NOT be me.
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Comments
Lots of BMs kick the skids
Lots of BMs kick the skids out when they aren't money makers anymore.
YES it could be that your SD is a spoiled brat and her mother doesn't want to deal with her anymore...but, really, most of them just say, "OK, I'm not getting any CS off you anymore so get out!"
DO NOT let her move in or you'll never get her out.
If she lives in the dorms, she can go visit BM's parents on breaks from school. Sounds like they'd love to spoil her some more.
She's a user just like her
She's a user just like her father.
I kicked my oldest daughter
I kicked my oldest daughter out of the house the first time when she was 17 yrs. old. After years of her treating to call the law if I pissed her off. I was sick and tried of all the bull shit and the way she talked to me. She stayed gone two weeks and was begging to come home. Her senior year was a nightmare for me. Because of her flat out disrespect. I knew my daughter knew better because she treated no one the way she treated me. Her father was not and had never been in her life by choice on his part. So there was never any help or reinforced rules or back. As a parent I did everything I knew to raise respect children. I'm sure this BM is just feed up with sd bullshit and the way sd treats people. Its very hard to do that as a parent but sometimes its best. I have to say my daughter and I have a great relationship now and have had for years she is 28yrs old now. My daughter didn't have grandparents or a father that may would enable her bad behavior that mght be why my daughter came around so fast. I have nephews that are ungrateful shits and think their intitled and do what they please with no reguard for others.
I do question if someone people are just wired wrong from the get go??????
Stepdown, it is entirely
Stepdown, it is entirely possible that SD19 is blowing this out of proportion to get sympathy from DH. Wouldn't put it past her at all. Regardless, he IS feeling sorry for her, so it is working. Luckily he hasn't asked if SD19 can come live with us. He KNOWS the S*&t would hit the fan then.