Young kids who look up to older step siblings
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This seems to come up on this site often and because dh and I have long been contemplating adoption, it may in my home too.
I can see how the older skids get frustrated with the younger kids. When I was 16/17, I didn't want some 8/9 year old glomming on to me. If I hung out with that kid/was close to them, it was because *I* chose to be. If I thought they were getting annoying, I let them know. When I was a younger kid I didn't expect to be included with the teens or for them to include me. I played with kids my own age.
Instead of expecting your teenage skids to include your kids, why not let your kids invite some friends over to play?
I have two perspectives on
I have two perspectives on this.
I am an older brother. When I was younger, I was expected to let my brother "tag along" everywhere I went which annoyed me. My attitude changed slowly but surely over the years. I protected him from bullies, even when I knew that I would get an ass-whooping in the process. I introduced my brother to all things he loves; hobbies, books, music, you name it. The bond we have is unlike anything we will ever have with anyone else. They say, that a mother's love for her child is one of the strongest there is, but a brother's/sister's love is long-lasting. Friends come and friends go and we may fall in love with a person who will be our life-partner, but none of them share that historical connection which borders on the mythical. At my brother's wedding, I gave a speech as to what my brother meant to me, and how proud I was of him. My Dad told me that some people listening to me talk were crying. It would seem that my thoughts and feelings on the subject of being a brother is not unique to my own experiences.
So when my two bios were born, I gave my SS a similar speech, although I brought it down to a level that he could understand. My SS loves his little half-brother and half-sister. Sure he doesn't necessarily know how to handle them and I wouldn't trust him to baby-sit them, but the love is there. I see it when they play together. It's a love that is unconditional and will last long after DW and I will have departed from these shores.
I don't expect SD16 to hang
I don't expect SD16 to hang out with BD9, but I expect her to be half way decent towards her. She's mean to a little kid bc we stole her daddyyyyy, like thats my bio's fault. She had no choice in this either. I don't even want BD9 around SD16. If other children are around SD16 will go out of her way to be super nice and playful with them and intentionally leave BD9 out to hurt her feelings.
It's tough to explain to a kid why SD16 treats her this way when she doesn't comprehend it.
I hope one day they can be friends and I will encourage it but BD9 is gonna end up hating SD16 for the way she treats her. It certainly doesn't help my feelings towards Sd16 either
Hi sorry to tell you this but
Hi sorry to tell you this but i doubt she is gonna change I have the same issue my sd is 16 now but mine will treat my other bio kids better just to piss her off and in turn make me mad or have a bad day so take the power from her and just ignore it i have been seeing less of this since i started ignoring her
OMG!! I have a SD23 and she
OMG!! I have a SD23 and she does this exactly, when my BD6's cousins are with us she treats them super nice and always telling my BD6 off or telling her how to behave in front of her cousins. I have told DH that if there is any teaching to be done (regarding BD6) I would be doing it and not SD23. SD23 is still very jealous of BD6 as BD6 stole her Daddy. I have known SD23 since she was 14 but nothing seems to have changed and she is like a big kid. WEIRD!! And SD23 comes over to our place and talks about BM problems....As if we want to know....