As I hit SEND, SS17 came in & told me he hurt his back yesterday & is going to "call in sick" and stay home from his new job for a couple of hours. Incredibly interesting how he forgot to mention this signicant back injury last night. The self-sabotage has already begun and it's a brsnd new job. Good luck with that.

Thanks for the suggestions; SS has been extremely low/no cash this past year, so I doubt he or his friends could afford it, but snorting crushed up pills sounds entirely likely as SS reported he could literally buy any kind of illegal drug at his high school (small town so Summer doesn't slow him down). And he has sold some items online and earned small amounts of cash from BM & some neighbs recently, so who knows.

Does a detached StepUltimate say anything to DH or just let the stupidity play out?

For all my frusteration with this kid, my heart really loves him & I want so much for him to not go down the path his BM set him up to tread. However, this site is helping me clarify tbat he is not my responsibility, and his poor behavior cannot be blamed on me.

Thanks everyone. For background, DH has busted, punished, threatened arrest, gotten promise after promise that he would stop (1st two years, 8th & 9th grades) but that morphed to SS arguing that he SHOULD be allowed to smoke pot (10th & 11th grades, but his conviction can't be strong on that since those arguements were only to DH, never in my presence) and has also told us we should be glad that's all he does. Ironically, I had assumed it was only pot until that statement, but it was another unintentional "reveal" and I started vibing he probably expanded his drug resume. And my brain started adding up those little moments where I heard or detected clues. And earlier this year, SS accidently* revealed he's smoked synthetic pot. *meaning I knew he was cheating his home drug tests (coming home high but passing the test next day, plus I'd busted him cheating in the past with a baggie of someone else's urine!) so I'd been researching How To Cheat a Drug Test & learned synth pot doesn't show up on the standard home tests.

So yes, DH has been on his ass but threats, consequences, and the other punishments have just forced the addict SS17 to say much less (although he still inadvertently tells on himself, just much less frequently) and keep using. He no longer brings any friends over and we haven't met the best friends he hangs out with & smokes out with; we told him we know why (they can't spark up here) but I think it's also because we have a very nice middle-class lifestyle in a nice home whereas his so-called friends are clustered in public housing. So to bring them over would damage SS's cred in terms of not having every nice thing he could want and dinner every night.

I was all about trying to "fix" this kid, with DH's backing, but we all know how that worked out. Then I found StepTalk & realized I had almost everyrhing to learn.

DH has made very clear to SS that StepUltimate is #1 and he will not allow this b.s. to continue to hurt our relationship. The one time SS threatened to move back to BM's I'd already anticipated this stunt, and had discussed tbe plan with DH, which DH stuck to by immediately telling SS thst he can go do that, but if he does then it's "One and Done" because he's not coming back - that if he leaves DH would agree to custody change and pay her support (that SS would never see, like he never did before DH got custody) again. So he nipped thst power-play in the bud, but since tben SS's usage has continued. SS has gotten busted by room & backpack searches, but just shifts technique so it goes back to me suspecting, but not being able to prove. SS already taught me it's fruitless to confront him due to his Golden Lying Tongue. So we are both frusterated, and I'm keenly aware that BM would like nothing more than for SS to crawl back to her lair (currently the BF's house) so she could hurt DH some more, continue the Lifestyle & Attitude training of SS, stop having CS garnished & start getting CS from DH again, and the sprinkle on top which is knowing she's hurting me, by proxy.

I meant to add that me mentioning the synthetic pot made SS's BM training kick into gear; (she is the Narcissist who has to be the expert in any room) so SS took on that attitude & was duped into revealing he had tried synthetic pot. His lying has evolved and he will only usually reveal stuff he thinks you already know about, but not one word unless you busted him red-handed or trick him into blabbing.