Here is our situation -it is a little convoluted so bear with me. We have sole custody of SS16 (some of you know him as Zippy)-we sat down with house rules and may need to again concerning visitation.

DH gives free access between Zippy to Bio-Mom (aka-Queen of the Fruit Loops)-which is fine-she gets no CS and is not officially a "Mom" anymore in her eyes, since she gets no money and her name is not on the Mommy paper-this will change when Zippy gets a job (she lives on disability-SHE WILL THEN TALK HIM INTO LIVING WITH HER( YESS)-AND PAYING A LITTLE RENT MARK MY WORDS (she currently has her adult brother doing this)-but I digress. She does not work and is mobile and can drive but chooses neither.

Both Zippy and she have really not seen each other in 6 weeks (an afternoon here and there kind of thing). They keep finding ways to cancel their weekends together.

DH and I have the same and only fight we ever have-how to get Zippy out of the house once in awhile-we have tried EVERYTHING and Zippy just sits there like a lump on a log (a very big one at that) and Dad caves and it is another weekend of Zippy sleeping until noon -getting up and at least now, making his own huge lumberjack breakfast (this takes him until at least 2pm) ;where upon he crawls downstairs to game, watch TV or on the computer-until 11pm -same thing next day...Needless to say DH LIVES for the weekends Zippy does visit Mom and when that does not happen it is NOT a good weekend-it is the only break we get from Zippy.

Soooo my dilema is this -

Zippy and his Mom have this arrangement:

IF ZIPPY DOES NOT HAVE PLANS FOR THE WEEKEND (WTF is she thinking? -she knows this kid-see his plans above for EVERY WEEKEND)and she is free (this is key)-she will allow Zippy to come over from Friday night till Sunday night (he is as much of a lump there as at home-great fun!)Zippy has to make all the arrangements as Queen Fruit Loop doesn't do Mommyhood anymore for the BIG boy.

DH made the rule that every second weekend he is to visit Mom-Zippy must arrange for his visit to Fruit Loop Land by Thursday night so we can make plans for our weekend.

Here is usually what transpires or various versions of it

It is Wednesday-

DH says to Zippy "call your Mom tonight and let me know your plans for the weekend"

Zippy: WHAAA

DH repeats himself

Zippy: Yup Yup Yup Uh Huh Uh HUh and walks away.

It is now Thursday

Repeat above

I casually mention on Friday

"Do we have Zippy this weekend"?

DH ends up yelling for Zippy

ZIPPY CALL YOUR MOM NOW AND TELL ME WHAT IS HAPPENING TONIGHT

Zippy (rolling his eyes): ALLLLRIGHHHT

where upon according to Zippy and his mom we find out what the weekend will hold (usually a fight between DH and I)

I turned the tables this week however and DH was mad at me

Since "asking" Zippy results in no action I call DH on Wednesday

I ask him to

Get Zippy to call his Mom BEFORE DH goes to work in the evening and then GET DH to call me and tell me what the weekend will hold-AND HE GETS MAD AT ME

( Out of stubborness he didn't call me as I requested I get a terse e-mail (Zippy will be picked up ( I nearly fell over!)at 1pm on Friday (PD day here)-see if you can get your youngest son, Skippy, 24, out of the house this weekend (my bio son works at a sports bar, goes to school, pays rent-is barely home) so we can have a weekend together!)

I am thinking this is your stinking visitation rule (I would just let Zippy rot in the basement at this point) but DH NEEDS his break (from what?-watching a lump on a log who can take care of himself (oh no, he can't, he's still Daddy's only whittle PRINCE baby boy EVERY WEEKEND?)I still go ahead with MY plans whether the Zippster is there or not!

I need advice -What Would You as a Stepparent in this situation do?

should there even be visitation (really not my call but SOO ANNOYING)

Thanks

You can onl