SS17 has gone off the deep end
My DH and I have been having issues with SS17 since we have been married. He doesn't do his classwork or homework and then rushes at the end of the semester to make up all of his work. His senior year, he barely, I mean barely, qualified for a state sponsored scholarship. My DH and I decided to lighten his academic load and replace non-necessary academics with electives (crib courses such as yearbook, tv productions... need I say more). We applied for admissions to a trade school because he told us he wanted to work with his hands.
During his midterm grade report, he had 2 Fs and 1 D in 3 of his four electives. My DH told him if he messed around and lost his scholarship that we would not pay for anything with regard to college. He had spring break last week and spend hours talking to his BM on the phone who is a very bad influence. Of the 7 children she gave birth to, she has had custody of zero (0) of them. She pays no child support, does not acknowledge SS17's birthday or christmas, need I say more.
Well today, report cards came out. I got an email saying he had a 22% F in one of his classes. This is the kicker. SS17 runs to guidance and says his life is over, says we are forcing him to go to go to trade school, we are being mentally abusive, and that he wants to kill himself. WTF!!! He has no responsibility except to go to school, come home and do homework. He does not have a job. He does clean his room if you can call that pigpen of a room clean. Because of his complains, he has managed to get himself committed into an emergency care psychiatric facility.
When I married DH, SS17 came home from a visit with his BM in rags. He quite literally had no clothes. All of his clothes were either stained or had holes in them. I bought him all new clothes (designer). His closet has 3 times more clothes in it than mine and I am a woman. I paid for him to be on sports teams (something that he had never done before). I helped him find a youth group that he seems to like and have sent him on several retreats (something that his father had never been able to afford). MY DH and I have done without because we wanted his high school years to be special.
Quite frankly, I don't want the ungrateful wretch in my house. I told DH that SS17's problems stem from the fact that he doesn't feel like he must contribute in life and that he feels entitled. If he was a girl, he would have been pregnant at 15 and living off welfare just like his mama. My DH plans to send him to BM after he gets out of the hospital. Question: Are we wrong to feel this way?
No. That's exactly what I
No. That's exactly what I would do. Every once in a while one of my skids or kids complains about having to do something here, or not being allowed to lay around on their asses all day on their smartphones or video games.
I tell them that if life here is too much for them they are welcome to get the hell out and take their chances.
Just got finished checking my
Just got finished checking my health insurance policy. It appears that none of this is covered because it was not preauthorized. S**t.!@!@ Does anyone know how much a 3 day stint in the psych ward costs? My DH was disabled and I am the only person in our household working.
Mine...
Mine...
3K. SD15 just did this to
3K. SD15 just did this to us. Finally saw the bill.
Thank you so very much for
Thank you so very much for responding. So much for my 401K.
You do not have to pay
You do not have to pay anything...You are not the Bio here. This is on your DH and the BM. If he is not working, he can claim hardship and try to settle the bill. I would pursue the insurance paying without the pre-authorization. Generally you can't get them for Psychiatric stuff. They have to move fast. Challenge it.
I talked to the intake office
I talked to the intake office yesterday. They did not admit my SS17 until they gained preauthorization from my insurance company. Thank God!
I cant comment on how to pay
I cant comment on how to pay the psych ward....but I think the child has the same sort of issues as my skids.....sort of
IN THEIR BID TO TRY AND GAIN ATTENTION...THEY WILL SAY AND DO ANYTHING....they dont care if its good or bad attention unfortunately....just as long as someone is running aroung for them then they feel as if they have gained some type of control....or they see some type of direction/assistance....
but why?? Why do this to the extreme that yours and mine skid ss17 is doing??
BC they can....bc in the past it worked, bc in the past they got wot they wanted and yes...they feel their lives are not worth living....
Wot have these little brats achieved by putting in any effort for themselves....? NOTHING.
They were dealt the bad hand wen God issued mothers/fathers and its been down hill since then...
SUGGESTION....send them off to a boot camp style school for a few weeks....make them realise that they dont have it too bad after all...a bit of tough love is what I think may help....(this is a last resort for you guys) Better stilll.....march the little shit down to army recruiting and see if they will take him....Dont send him back to the mama if you can help it.....
good luck....
You are so right about his
You are so right about his behavior. My DH spoke with BM last night. Apparently, SS17 has been playing both sides of the fence for attention.
SS17 complained about having to much pressure to perform in school. If it was not so sad, I would laugh. All the responsiblity the boy has is to go to school and to do homework when he gets home. I know that not everyone is an "A" student. But to take a zero in classwork is ridiculous. What did he expect to do. Get a classwork (or participation) grade for sitting in class and doing nothing while everyone else is doing their work. Come on, even I am not that stupid. The sad part is BM is actually encouraging this BS.
SS17 complained to BM that he is not getting enough sleep and is working all night on his homework because he has to do all the housework. I didn't realize that watching TV was actually considered work. My sofa which DH and I bought two years ago already quite literally has a permanent imprint of his behind on it. The springs of the sofa have contoured to the shape of his behind because he sits in this spot every waking moment watching TV.
SS17 complained that he did not know what he wanted to do with his life and should be allowed to live in my home indefinitely while he figured out what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. This boy has bounced around from wanting to be a psychologist, a biologist, a journalist, a teacher, from wanting to be in the military, then doing something with his hands. He has managed to lose $100,000 in scholarships this past nine weeks because he won't do classwork or homework. Give me a break. I was out on my own at 16 and have worked and supported myself ever since. I worked my way through vocational school. Worked full time, raised a child, cooked and cleaned, went to college full time, and managed to graduate with honors all at the same time because I wanted to get out of a bad marriage. I understand that everyone is not this motivated but one thing I do not respect is being lazy and not wanting to take care of oneself.
SS17 complained to BM that we put him on a diet. When DH and I married, my DH relocated to where I lived. I put the entire family on my health insurance and took SS17 for a physical with his new primary care physician. SS17 was pre-diabetic and had a fatty liver. Needless to say, his doctor has been up our butts to have SS17 loose weight. Apparently, SS17 told BM that we wanted him to loose weight because we didn't want him looking like his BM who is quite a hefty lady. Quite honestly, DH and I don't discuss BM because it is really none of our business what she does with her life and we have better things to do than to analyze why BM does this and why BM does that.
DH and I are talking about sending him to his BM. I wish her the joy of him.
I just got back from SS17's
I just got back from SS17's school. I stopped by to pick up his backpack. Apparently his whole problem in life is that I am not going to pay for school and support him while he is attending school. He had expected me to pay for his dorm room, living expenses, etc... because BM had the nerve to tell him that it was my responsiblity because he lives with me and not hers. While he was on spring break, we had a discussion about this and I told him that I did not have the money. Furthermore, that it was DH's and BM's responsibility, not mine. (What I was thinking in my head but did not verbalize was how dare you and BM think this as I didn't give birth to you.) He got his report card yesterday which had 2 D's on it. His scholarship which would have at least paid for his tuition is now gone.
I just received a phone call
I just received a phone call from DH. He has just spoken with the psych facility. Apparently, the counselor said that SS17 acted out at first, then made wild accusations, and now has recanted. Now, SS17 is very concerned about his relationship with DH and has admitted he used this opportunity to try to manipulate the situation - trying to get me, his stepmother, to support his sorry butt while he was in college. God, I am pissed. He must have been dropped on his head at birth if he thinks I will contribute one thin dime to his college now.