SD14 Induced Anxety
It's been a while since I have posted anything on here. Things have been tolerable because SD14 hasn't been here in I don't know how long. But now her return is soon upon me and I'm dreading it with a passion.
All it takes is for someone to mention her name and immediately I become anxious & stressed. I hate that I have given her such "power" that I am affected so strongly by the thought of her. My hubby has picked up on this and I have made it very clear that it's because there is so much "bad blood" surrounding her and hurt caused by her.
It's gotten to the point now that, although I have cared about her in the past, I find I care less and less about her each day. It is apparent that she does not truly care about me by her actions and the things she has said about me. Of course, she tells everyone that she loves me but I know deep down that isn't true.
My hubby is making this all very difficult for me by asking for my thoughts & opinion to which I have told him once again that I don't even want to know anything going on with her because it's too stressful for me. It's the whole damned if I do and damned if I don't scenario. I just can't and won't put myself through it again.
I'm making a list of things to do to keep me busy and away from her. Maybe having her here could be a good thing. I'll get things done I want to get done. On the other hand, very few good things have come from her being here so I'll not get my hopes up too high.
I am this way about SD19.
I am this way about SD19. She has been 45 minutes away at college for a month, living on campus, but I dread when she will visit. I have had a chore list for SD13, DH and myself for a month and it's basically to hold SD13 accountable....but I fear trying to implement this when SD19 comes home. She is nuts and entitled like you wouldn't believe. I fear that she has BPD or ODD or a combo of the two. She spent last summer in the LR, hogging the good couch and the TV most of the time. I am hoping she works more over winter break but I don't see that happening. My employer is giving us the time between Christmas and New Years off with pay, we don't return to work until Jan 5th, but already I am dreading her being home with me. I want to be able to enjoy my home but I can't when she is around. If I try to tell DH she can't hog the LR, she should be working, etc, he just sticks up for SD19 saying that it's break time and she needs a rest?
From what? Real life is going to kick her square in the ass.
~ Moon
I always hear about how awful
I always hear about how awful SD's life is with BM and how she deserves a break. Poor thing has to deal with her BM getting on her for bad behavior. That's terrible.
Unfortunately, I have been
Unfortunately, I have been places on antianxiety meds because of my skids and all the bs with their BMs.
I feel like I'm close to
I feel like I'm close to asking for meds or just running away.
Boy howdy, do I feel ya! I
Boy howdy, do I feel ya! I have been about to have a heart attack all day just thinking about my SD16. She has been staying at G-ma's since last May and I can't tell you how wonderful it is not having her around trying to destroy everything I have worked so hard for. Sometimes I think it would be easier to divorce DH and take my kids. That's how bad it is! When her name comes up I feel an overwhelming sense of hatred come over my body. I am a lover not a hater! I try to practice love not hate so this just brings my anxiety up soooo much. The only way I get through it is thinking about how it won't be FOREVER, even though it feels that way.
And let me tell you, their sweet ol' daddies DO NOT like hearing how much you despise their precious daughters. It's like, who the hell else can we talk to about our feelings?? I guess that's why we are all on here bitching and moaning about how shitty we feel at times.
I do the same thing as you. I make up a list of to-do's, focus on my homework (at the library!) or find random reasons to leave the house so I don't have to deal with it. People call us selfish because of this. Why is it so selfish to not want to be around poisonous people? Maybe we are, but life is all about limiting anxiety. Hold in there, she'll be out of there in 4 looooong years!
Daddy is more upset about the
Daddy is more upset about the negative things I say about his DD than what his DD has done to me. He fights with me about her behavior than he does with her. Am I the only one who finds this unfair and ridiculous?
I just hope that the show
I just hope that the show starts real soon. I need some entertainment bad.
Yep....2 of my teenage Skids
Yep....2 of my teenage Skids are back Sunday after an absolutely freakin lovely 2 week break....I am feeling sick and getting shitty with life just thinking about those turds
Wasn't able to post new topic
Wasn't able to post new topic so adding this one...
SD14 shares the upstairs bathroom with me during her EOW visits when taking showers or getting ready. (Dad uses the downstairs bathroom.) I have been struggling with SD getting into what is clearly my belongings after being told numerous times that this is not acceptable. She has been supplied her on personal necessities and been told that if ever she needs something to tell her dad and he would get it for her.
Every time she is here, I find she has been into my things.
I have labeled my drawers and keep all my things in the shower on specific shelves. She has still taken or used my things and when confronted with this she plays stupid and states she didn't see the label that is impossible to miss unless you cannot read but would still know that there was a label.
I have now gone so far as to put a colored ribbon on my drawer handles and shelves in the shower to show what are my personal belongings and a totally different colored ribbon on her drawer handles & shelves to show what are her personal belongings. To make it even more obvious, the items in my drawers are in a zipper pouch that would have to be taken out and unzipped before something could be taken out. (Even as I'm typing I feel ridiculous admitting to this. But it gets better.) I made up a contract of sorts which my DH & I have agreed to and have signed stating that it is his responsibility to remind her which is hers and to stay out of what is mine and ensure that she does.
I have no doubt that she will still get into my things which will make her even more guilty seeing as, unless she is vision impaired and/or learning impaired(which I know that she neither of these), it is was to obvious to miss the signs.
This weekend will be the test as to whether or not my DH will hold up to his part of the agreement. I have my doubts as the past has taught me that he'll make excuses and nothing will change. If nothing is changed, I will go as far as putting a lock on the upstairs bathroom and demanding the DH and SD share the downstairs bathroom.
Is this as ridiculous as I feel it is? Have I been given any other choice but to take my things out of the bathroom and be the one to feel like a guest in my own home?
All I really want is for my DH to make SD respect me and my belongings. Is this so unreasonable?