SD13 and DH pissed at me. Awwwww poor fee-fees.....
So it's been a wonderful evening with DH and SD13. I am once again the bad guy and I hardly ever speak up. I bite my tongue ALL of the time with SD13 because she is a fragile flower. DH got mad and he and SD13 left me at the dinner table. Here's what happened:
SD13 has been told numerous times to drink milk every day. She likes it, she doesn't mind it. She just drank an entire glass at dinner. I saw that we still had an unopened GALLON left from last weekend and I brought it to DH's attention in front of SD13. He simply told her "Drink your milk." SD13 started giggling. Her hair is a disheveled mess, combed forward and not really combed at all. I think she woke up and didn't brush her hair. Then DH is opening mail while we're eating and the infamous compression swim top has arrived. SD13 gives DH a studious and comical "Thank you, SIR," to DH. I look across the table at her and tell her that $50 top had better not get lost, stolen or messed-up. I TELL her if she needs anything further to FLATTEN her (bird) chest out, she can get a sports bra.
Shit, I'll just list everything....
1) Trash can not brought in by SD13 because she "forgot" and walked right by it.
2) Milk hasn't be consumed the entire week and we've had this conversation before.
SDOG is what set me over the top....
3) SDog's diaper wasn't changed when SD13 got home! She "forgot" and it was soaking wet!!
4) DH forgot to write the numerical amount in WORDS on SD19's summer school check, so they sent it back. Dumbass.
I spoke with SD13 at the table in front of DH and kindly asked why she couldn't remember things. I told her I understood it was normal for teens to forget some things, but that she forgets a lot of common sense things. She was giggling and grinning the entire time. DH was straight-faced. It almost would've been better if he was giggling, too, then it would make more sense. But no, SD13 was acting juvenile and I all but called her a fucking idiot in front of DH. She acts 7, she takes care of herself like a 7yo would, she talks like a little kid, she screams like a girl when DH spooks her....I could go on and on. It's ridiculous!!!!
DH just mowed the lawn out of frustration. He sounds better now, playing with the pups outside. I am pissed and getting stronger every day. Oh and DH tried to show me an 8x10 school picture of SD19 at the dinner table and I didn't look at it. Get that shit out of my face.
So SD19's stupid picture and SDog still being in a wet diaper for the umpteenth time is really pissing me off. But go ahead and throw that other shit in too, while we're at it.
Idiotitis BIG time in this house. I can't take it anymore. Can't DH see how much SD13 is suffering? My frustration is also with him not parenting, thinking what he is doing is enough and refusing to see how fucked up SD13 is when it's right in front of him.
It's just not right.
~ Moon
I would leave a note for SD
I would leave a note for SD and hang it on the fridge every morning of what exactly is expected of her each day. I found that for some reason although they hate it a written or typed note works better then asking them/telling them.
Although the other day it back fired. The note said to close and lock the windows before you leave the house. She only did the downstairs. I asked her to this because it was supposed to rain. She thought I asked her to do it because someone may break in but then had enough nerve to tell me that my note wasn't specific enough. Just gotta love 'em. Ugh!
^^This^^ Save the dog. We
^^This^^ Save the dog. We could start a campaign. Fix what you can ...
Sheesh, give the dog a break.
Sheesh, give the dog a break. Please give it up. Dogs should NOT be wearing diapers... seriously.
I think your DH needs an attitude adjustment. The SD13 is truly acting like every other kid, but remember... she's NOT your kid. Your her Dad's wife. Your DH needs to step up and show a united front and discipline his kid. That is not your job in my book.
S*&^, it that had EVER happened at my house, DH and kids would have been packed and out on the front lawn. That is disrespectful and RUDE and sends the message to the SD13 that you are nothing, your word is nothing and hey we can make fun of you and get up and leave you at the dinner table. Absolute crap.
You're better than that. And you care too much about this kid. Let your DH tell her to drink her milk.
Time for some form of change.
Time for some form of change. Sounds like your going to explode under the circumstances.
Maybe some time alone. A mini vacay?
And....the dog wears a diaper? Medical reasons?
I was thinking the same
I was thinking the same thing! Get out of town and realize that SD13 is playing you like a fiddle. Laughing at the dinner table at you? That's a juvenile way to bully and get a rise out of someone. Don't take on this dog, disengage, move on. They can always make you the "bad guy" when you react. The only way to move on is to go somewhere and really just make yourself sane.
I know it has been suggested
I know it has been suggested that you crate the dog, but I can't remember why you said that wouldn't work. Has anyone ever really tried to crate train him? Not just put him in the crate, but train him to the crate? I think part of his problem has to be that he is surrounded by and intimidated by the big dogs. It is possible that he could learn to think of the crate as a safe and secure place to be.
Both the Humane Society and the ASPCA have detailed instructions on how to crate train.
Tog, you're rght. The
Tog, you're rght. The underlying problem is that SD13 is not right, she is a mess, and DH refuses to see it or get her the help she needs because.....this is working for her. It's just bam-bam-bam with the stupid shit when I get home every day. I put something in the recycle bin and SD19 had put a bunch of trash in there. This was before I opened the door to go into my house. So I bring trash in with me to put in the can so the recycle bin doesn't overflow. Anything I mention to DH to get a bit of normalcy in my home, well he dismisses it. Dismisses ME. It does't matter to him, because, guess what? DH doesn't want to parent, either. So, I bring the trash in, then I see an almost 14yo girl looking like a total mess, sitting in the kitchen. Then I see no milk has been consumed and I have a nice talk with her about why it's important and DH and I reminded you of this a few weeks ago. Then I go feed the dogs and SD13 takes off SDog's diaper to get him ready to go out. I see it's soaking wet and ask if she changed it when she got home? SDog just had $1200 worth of surgery to have a bladder stone removed a week ago, so we need to keep tabs on him. SD13 admitted she didn't check when she got home. Big no-no because then the dog is full of piss and in my home, and he still has stitches down there. Wet diaper isn't good..
Breathe, Moon. So, in my first 5 minutes home, I am letting all of these things go until DH arrives, because he needs to KNOW and maybe, just maybe, he'll parent his kid. DH never wants to hear it and I tell him I keep my mouth shut all of the time. SD13 giggling pissed me off. I wanted so badly to yell at her that maybe if she showed some responsibility, took care of herself and acted her age, she might have some friends. She is really starting to know she has the upper hand. I wanted so badly to take away her electronics for a day. I leave it to DH to do these things and they never happen. I still believe she is full of shit with her little "I want to be a boy" act, that's why I've told her that no matter what she identifies as, she is still 13 and needs to be more responsible. I can't see existing with her for ten more years.
Last night was the first night I seriously thought about getting an attorney. It's because I don't see DH changing and I'm not staying around for this circus act of SD13's. I seriously thought that after OSD19 graduated college and moved out, life would be less stressful. Maybe her being home for the summer with the hedgehog is what has me on edge, most likely. Her shit is still all over the garage. I can let it go and resist the urge to put something in the back of my car each morning and throw it out at work. I don't want to be vindictive.
I really would be wasting money if I moved out and rented a place for a year. It's hard to find a home with a yard that allows four pups. I have thought of buying a place, but why do that before this one sells? I would fight to keep this house so I could stay here with my dogs. But if DH and I sold it, I would have money towards a new place. It's all confusing and big dollar signs. I'll keep looking. Then there's the retainer for an attorney to get separated or divorced. I don't even know where to start. That would eat up my money in a blink of an eye. I keep saving, though. I am going t put my paychecks into my own account as long as I can and give less to this "home." DH can support me, too.
Read my blogs that are bookmarked if you need to catch up. SDog is just a little Napoleon shit who started marking in my house over a year ago, to prove he is master over my large male dog. He went into diapers last summer. DH took them off last weekend after surgery and he promptly pissed twice in my dining room!
Going to see my parents and nephew today. Fuck the "let's be a couple" date with DH. I want to get away from this house for a bit.
~Moon
I agree with Cat. It is not a
I agree with Cat. It is not a waste of money to get out and rent. It may be just what you need. Or have a serious discussion with H. Tell him to get the renters out of his townhouse and move in because you want a divorce. Sell your townhouse and buy h out of your house. And talk to an attorney. Just do one thing at a time.
What you are doing now is not working. For you. For H. For anyone really. Hugs girl.
Moon...I get so mad for you!
Moon...I get so mad for you! I know what it's like to not be able to enjoy your own home because dear daddeeeeee fails miserably in the parenting department! Oh course, I have been seeing more and more lately where HHB gets it around here...DH has piles of clothing over the edge of our garden tub because when he decides he doesn't want to wear something, he can't bother himself with hanging it back up...there are even clothing tags IN the garden tub that he took off his pants...freakin' bathroom garbage is 5 steps away! Oh wait...at the time, it was full with DH's fast food cups that he can't seem to take to the larger kitchen trash can (keep in mind...our bedroom is right next to the kitchen)! No wonder HHB's mess never bothered him!!! That is just part of it! Day's crap never gets picked up unless I throw a fit, or I pick it up myself, which I stopped doing a long time ago! If I didn't work, well then maybe I would clean up. But seeing that I work more than DH and make more money, I'm not going to buy the "I'm the man of the house, you should take care of me" crap!
And I know you work just as hard, Moon! I wouldn't be surprised if you told me you have the same problem with your DH! Seems that we disentangle, and they don't really care because they are just like their spawn! They don't mind the mess...they don't "see" the mess!
And while you have said your DH is glued to sports, mine is glued to TV in general! He can sit hours in front of the TV...I don't get it! But when you watch DH in general, you easily see why things with the skids have gotten to the point they are!
I'm sitting in a park near
I'm sitting in a park near home, & I should have been home an hour ago. I texted DH a while ago to tell him I was on my way and he replied, "We are watching a movie," meaning he and Our Lady of the Rodents. I texted and wanted to know if they had cleaned out the garage yet? SD19s crap has been there since Wednesday night, and DH replied, "No, she just got home." From spending the night with friends at school to celebrate a friend's birthday.
Then DH calls me as I'm driving and asks again if I want to watch the movie with them? I said I didn't and DH said he would clean the garage tomorrow. I just sarcastically replied, "Really?" DH got all in a huff and we ended the call.
Then I get a smart-ass text from him, asking me to go get groceries because that's one less thing to do tomorrow. I don't need any damn groceries. I'm good. He knows damn well he does the grocery shopping and I do the laundry on Sundays. I texted back that I didn't feel like it lol. DH replied, asking if it was OK for him to watch a movie? I told him to quit being spiteful, all I wanted was the garage to be cleaned up and every day I get another excuse! SD19 still had all of her college shit dumped in there, SD13 has six bags of clothes for donation that have been in there for two months and DH has bags of clothes, too.
DH sent me a picture not five minutes later, being a smart ass again. It was a BARE garage floor! I texted back, "Now that was easy, thank you."
I took a left turn and headed for the hills on a nice country drive instead of going home. My gf who is a realtor called me and told me to rent if I need to get out. She also says she knows a damn good divorce attorney! Thank goodness for networking! I'll continue to save my money and try to REALLY disengage at home. 34 days to go.
NOT MY MONKEYS, NOT MY CIRCUS
ETA I just got home and chatted with SD19 for ten minutes and she left to go dog sit. DH was picking SD13 up from some new friend's house out in bumfuck. I'll live to see another day, thank goodness!
Breathe, Moon.
NO NO NO!!!!! They DO NOT
NO NO NO!!!!! They DO NOT get to sit the fuck around and watch a movie while her shit sits in the garage after almost FOUR DAYS!!! Oh, I would be so over this guy!
I am soooo pissed for you right now, if you can't tell!!! Tell him it would mean a lot to you if he would wait until the garage is cleared before they watch a movie. If he doesn't do it, take all the shit, throw it out on the curb, and call the attorney that your friend told you about.
I don't know how you've lasted this long.
Oh, Moon...I just want to
Oh, Moon...I just want to drive over to your house, and take you away for coffee or something!
Seriously...going to sit and watch a movie when that crap in the garage needs to be put away? I don't know how you didn't go completely off on DH! I don't think I would have been able to keep it in! And now SD19 is off to dog sit? Really? The dogs need constant supervision? Um, you go 2-3 times a day to the house to let the dogs potty, you check the food and water each trip, and then you get back to what you should be doing...like put your crap away! Like I said, BS20 had his stuff put away within 1 hour of getting home! He knows I wouldn't stand for that stuff sitting around! I know you don't want to hear it, but both you and I know that garage isn't getting picked up tomorrow!
Your DH, like mine, is an enabler! My DH used to do this crap with HHB all the time! She was supposed to be cleaning her room, but instead he would let her sit out with him to watch a movie! Any other time, she would disappear to her room, but if she was supposed to be doing work? Oh, yeah, THEN she would sit and watch a movie with him...as long as she got a pass on her work!
I can't even be mad for myself right now after reading this! Yeah, the crap DH pulled today...as you know, we've been getting tons of rain in these parts. The front yard grew up so bad again that the walkway to the driveway was completely gone again. We had a break in the weather this morning/noon, so I tell DH, "Need to take advantage of this break, and cut the grass again." He just keeps watching TV! Tired of walking through wet grass up to my knees to get to my car every day, I get up, change clothes, and go out to work on the yard. I'm more than half way done, and DH comes out in his PJs and asks if I need help! Seriously?! I tell him he's not even dressed for yard work, and send him in to get the ant poison to get rid of some new mounds that popped up. When done, I brush off as much grass as I can...I'm itching head to toe because I'm allergic to it. I go in to start my shower. DH comes into the bathroom..."You're taking a shower now? Hurry up...I need to take mine. Being outside made me sweaty." Really?! I couldn't bite my tongue..."Really? I've got sweat rolling down my back, my undershirt is soaked!" DH..."Well, you know I sweat more than you do!" WTH? You didn't do any real work! And...only reason I didn't ask BS20 is because he had to be at work at 8 am today...by the time he finishes today, he'll have a 45 hour week. He hasn't been at home during any rain breaks to cut the grass because of work, or he would have done it for me!
Why did we marry these guys, Moon? Why?
What's up with all the silly
What's up with all the silly giggling at inappropriate times followed up by needs smacked off grins this SD13 does?
Does she think she's all so cute and funny or does she believe Dad approves of the ha-ha stupid act?
I think you guys missed above
I think you guys missed above where I said DH texted me a picture of a BARE garage floor, so it got cleaned up before I got home. Within ten minutes. I was thinking the same thing, that no one (meaning SD19) should be sitting watching a movie when their shit is still all over my garage. That's why I was so pissed with DH. So, mission accomplished. I also think SD13 showered this morning after I left. I wasn't looking forward to dinner with her, but she had cleaned herself up.
As for SD19 being at the pet's house, she said it would be easier to just let them out in the morning, rather than sleep here, get up and drive 5 minutes to our friend's house. Enabled, lazy teen, let's not forget. She says she's already had a couple of rebounds since she and her BoyF split on May 6th. A couple? It's only been two weeks. Even if she's just sucking face, that's a little fast. I think she's saving herself for marriage, but who knows what she's up to. I'm glad she has it all figured out.
I went off on SD13 when she started giggling last night, asked her what was so funny and to please share what was going on between her ears. I think I just make her nervous. She SHOULD be nervous. She's going to be so disappointed in the real world. Both SDs will be disappointed. They are very naive and helpless.
~ Moon
I missed it. Maybe I was so
I missed it. Maybe I was so furious that I missed a line or two. Lol!
Did I miss a blog...how does SD19 like her new 'apartment'?
Moon, Your life is like the
Moon,
Your life is like the movie Ground Hog's Day. Same shit, different day, over and over again.
Granted there are only limited things you can do to address the DH and SKid related issues but there are a few that would decrease your stress significantly.
1) Get rid of that fucking dog. NOW!!! No one gives a shit about it to any extent at all and it's bladder issues are a major root cause of fights between you and your DH. Gone. NOW!!! Please. No doubt there is some rescue service for yippie little piss hounds. Dump it at the pound and let them call the Yippy Piss Hound Rescue to deal with it. My parents gave me a Toy Poodle for Christmas when I was 6yo. That dog developed a notable disdain for my dad and decided to demonstrate that disdain by taking a dump and a leak on my dad's pillow. Once. That dog was gone within an hour of dad discovering the present it had left him. He ended up at the home of friends of the family who had two toy poodles. That little pissy shit hound was replaced with an awesome Belgian Shepard puppy a week later. Now that was a cool dog. Take a lesson from my dad.
2) Quit worrying about boobs on your 13yo Skid. Not your boobs, not your problem. And call SD-13 what ever the fuck she wants to be called. Skippy, Barbie, Confused, Axlerod, Pricess, what ever. Or just stick with her real name and let her deal with whatever issues she chooses to have with that.
3) Quit stewing on the SD's and DH's shit. Post rules and enforce them.
Rule -1 No poor hygiene at the table.
If anyone shows up in any condition other than appropriately bathed, coiffed, and cleanly clothed they leave the table with no food and get none until they return bathed, put together, and cleanly clothed.
In military school they did drop trou short arm inspections periodically to make sure that the New Cadets where bathing and changing their skivvies effectively. I would pity the kid that failed one of those inspections. The shower parties for the pig that followed a failed hygiene inspection were epic. It was amazing how disgusting some of the new cadets were when they showed up at school and it was mind boggling to me how their parents could expose the rest of the world to their disgusting spawn. My parents would have had me in the back yard under the spray of a pressure washer (if they had been available then) scrubbing every micrometer of my body with a Brillo pad if I pulled the shit your SD-13 pulls or had the hygiene of some of those disgusting pigs whose parents dumped them off at military school.
4) Do not engage the SDs or DH on anything SD related except to point out and enforce the rules. Whatever they are. Make the rules, enforce them, and do not let anyone slip any deviation from the rules past you. Don't get mad, stay assertive and give them the message that happy will hapen when they pull their heads out of their asses and use them for more than a place to grow hair.
5) Use your Smart phone to inundate DH with data on the Skid related crap. Take a pic of the garbage in the recycling and send it to his phone with the Note: Garbage in the recycling. DEAL WITH IT!! Picture of piss puddle: DEAL WITH IT!. SKid mess anywhere. DEAL WITH IT!!! Any chore not done to schedule and standard (like ... THE YARD!) send an picture and DEAL WITH IT!!! Nothing goes undocumented or unforwarded. When he walks in from work you say "Do not even think about sitting down or doing anything until each of the issues in your telephone inbox are dealt with TO MY SATISFACTION!!! DEAL WITH IT!!!
Then turn on your favorite show, grab a bottle of wine and a box of BonBons from the freezer point at DH, snap you fingers and tell him to GET WITH IT NOW!!!
Or just call and have your locks rekeyed and tell DH you are done and he and his spawn can get out now. Beating your head against this immovable rock is doing nothing but giving you a flat spot on your forehead.
GHD continues until you find an effective way to deal with it. I suggest that you try something along the lines that I have suggested.
Please do something different. What you are doing is failing miserably.
Take care of yourself.
'Skippy'
Not your boobs, not your
Not your boobs, not your problem.
LMAO!!!
Rags, I guess you still don't
Rags, I guess you still don't understand that DH will NOT enforce rules, NOR will he listen to me in my own home. I have been speaking up more about things that need to be done, like the garage yesterday, and also trying not to sweat the small stuff as much. DH choses to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it. I have always told him that even though he goes to the gym most mornings and looks 10 years younger than his age of 52, he is LAZY. He does not want to parent his DDs. He is a Disney Dad.
So, I can shut up and stew and really try to disengage completely, or I can parent three nimrods in my house every day. It would be easier to completely disengage, although that has been difficult, too. I see SD13 not having any boundaries and being clueless. I see my investment, my home, being treated like shit with no one cleaning it. It's hard to shut up.
Instead, I will attempt not to care about these F'ed up SDs at all and continue to save my money. I'm going to need it for rent and a bad-ass attorney.
~ Moon
"Parent three nimrods".
"Parent three nimrods".
That made me laugh.
I am glad you can retain a sense of humor through this.
Don't shut up ... evict!!!!! Your home, your call. Make it.
Just take care of yourself. No one else in YOUR home will.
I am just worried about you as this whole nightmare seems to be spiraling toward a foregone conclusion.
Moon, I've been thinking
Moon, I've been thinking about the giggling thing. It could be that she's manipulating you but you could also be dead on that she's nervous. I giggled a lot when I was a teen when my mom was mad/telling me off. It drove her crazy. I didn't do it to drive her crazy. It just happened. I think it's part of a persons innate instinct to diffuse a situation by being friendly and being a teen without a mature prefrontal cortex to tell yourself to cut that shit out.
I'm going to use that the
I'm going to use that the next time SD13 starts giggling, "Oh, my bad. I just realized your prefrontal cortex isn't done developing yet!"
SD13 is seriously juvenile and her staying in her fantasy world is dumbing her down even more. Glad her bar is low enough that she can still step over it. DH called SD13 today while we were out and she was on speaker phone. She sounded all down in the dumps and miserable. I'm wondering if she's feeling left out because her big sis is going out with friends and not hanging around the house. Thank goodness!
I commented to DH after he hung up with SD13 that she sounded mopey and it was a beautiful day. She should be outside playing with the dogs or pulling weeds or something. DH said something to the effect that she's just different. I said "Maybe in your gene pool that's ok!"
My Dad had the best line yesterday when dealing with his almost 10yo grandson, my nephew.
"What, did you take a gigantic dump this morning and leave your brains in the toilet?" I was howling and so was my nephew. I'm going to use that one on SD13, it won't be long now!
>"What, did you take a
>"What, did you take a gigantic dump this morning and leave your brains in the toilet?"<
Consider this stolen.
Yeah, and he's my STEPDAD.
Yeah, and he's my STEPDAD. Raised me since I was 7yo. I act just like him!
I too am a big fan of your
I too am a big fan of your dad. As for you acting just like him .... my Skid acts just like me. It drives his Sperm Clan insane. }:)
Moon, make another rule: if
Moon, make another rule: if something is not in its place, it's garbage. Period. Dot. Tired, whiny, took dump and left brains in toilet...NO EXCUSE. This is YOUR house. Eff DH and his Disney Dud (NOT Dad) p!ss poor excuse for parenting style. Take back your house; take back your life.
SD/S - whatever it wants to be - doesn't drink milk? Stop buying it.
SDog - a) leave him outside, b) leave him in SD19's room, c) take him to the pound
Go about your life as if they are poltergeists. Gosh, did a Poltergeist leave this on the floor? GARBAGE. Hmmmm...a Poltergeist must have left this crap in the garage. GARBAGE. Why is this on my kitchen counter? Must be those darn Poltergeists. GARBAGE.