Only allow him to use paper plates, plastic utensils and foam cups, I did this to my sd and it solved the problem!

The problem with consequences is that the adults have to follow through with them EVERY single time or there's no point. And most of us are not this organized or consistent because we don't want to have to worry about something stupid like dishes on the counter when there are SO many other things on our minds! But if this is your hill, make it a mountain and focus on it consistently UNTIL. My kids need me to take them LOTS of places. If they get snarky like not wanting to help with something I will say, "It's going to take a long time to walk to XYZ," and they know exactly what I'm saying. If you miss some dishes, don't do him any favors until they are done. But literally follow him to the sink and don't leave his side until he has put them in the dishwasher. Any time he needs a ride or asks for something, make sure the dishes are done first. He will get the picture.

You tell him to do the dishes and sit there and supervise. Then, you tell him to strip his bed and wash the sheets. Again, supervise. Trust me, that age they hate having you stare at them and breathing down their necks. They'll generally just need reminders once they get the hint that if not you will watch them do it!

I am going through this with SD13 and her monthly friend. I got so mad at the state of her trash can this past weekend! I know I shouldn't have looked in her bathroom, but I just KNEW she didn't put a bag in her can. I called her upstairs PRONTO and said, " Since you are having SO much trouble doing this on your own, I will stand here and supervise you to make sure you get it right!" I was the rudest, most sarcastic bitch to that 13yo, which I hate being. I told her I went through this shit with her 19yo sister, still do, and I won't tolerate it.

It's amazing how quickly they get things cleaned up when you stand over them.

I asked her if she thought I liked monitoring everything for her, making sure she followed through on chores? I told her I did NOT and that my free time starts every week on Monday when I return to work. I said that she was old enough to take care of things herself and I was sick of watching over her to make sure the house was clean.

I almost forgot how much power I had until that very moment. I usually don't bitch SD13 out. I told DH later on that he needs to parent more actively, I am done doing it on my own. I told him his kid would listen to him.

You basically have to humiliate the Skid. So he cries, too bad! Does your DH have a taser you can get your hands on? That might get SS moving! }:)

Also, yes, take their stuff AWAY. I have been known to put all remotes, computer keyboards, tablets and iPods in a box and TAKE THEM TO WORK for two weeks. They can play cute to DH all they want, but they're not getting their stuff back tonight. IT'S AT WORK! Next day, oops I forgot! (Use their line on them for a change...)

~ Moon

You were busted by DH while sneaking SS's dirty dishes upstairs? Ummmm. No you weren't. You were enforcing consequences for SS's violation of household rules. There was no sneaking involved.

So, next time get a big garbage bag (I suggest the 30gal size). put the Skid's dirty dishes, personal items, laundry, shoes, anything he leaves laying around in the bag and seal it then put in on his bed. He deals with it or it stays in his room. If the bag is sealed you have no ant problem. His room can turn in to a reeking space of waste until he catches a clue. I-Pad, I phone, shoes, socks, dirty dishes, snack wrappers, etc..... All in a bag togethe to fester, rot, and compost until he and only he deals with it appropriately.

There is no sneaking when enforcing consequences for household rule violatins. You are an adult in your home and what you do requires no sneaking. Inform DH that if he does not start addressing this crap with his spawn in more than a "I told him to clean up after himself" manner that when there is no room in SS's room for his bale bags full of shit that they will go on DH's side of the bed in your room and if it stays there for more than a few seconds you will put a lock on the master bedroom door and DH can move to another sleeping surface until he deals with this shit effectively.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

I had this happen when I was in college and my sister in high school. Folks went away on vacattion in the summer and my sister wouldnt do the dishes when it was her turn. It got so bad I could'nt even fit a coffee mug under the faucet in the sink to get water.

I washed and put away all of the dishes. I then went to the hardware store and bought thin metal chain( the kind some people might use to attach a dog to in the backyard so it doesnt run away) and a few padlocks.

I chained all the cupboards shut with the chain and padlocks by running the chains through the handles on the cupboards.
I left one plate, glass, spoon,fork and knife on the counter and told her when she learned how to wash those she could have access to the rest of the dishes.