First I want to say I am so torn by head and heart. I have a 2 year old step son. I was only dating my DH for a few months and then became pregnant. I never realized what I was gettin into. I'm only 23 with no BK yet(expecting) and this is foreign territory to me. I get soooo angry because DH parents totally out of guilt. My family has asked for SS not to come around a few times because DH does not discipline. This has become a hot topic for us because with a baby coming I know I won't tolerate the same from our son, thus his son should have to behave by the same rules. He agrees but the follow through is horrible. I'm sick of cleaning up after his son. Last weekend he got into the babys things and poured lotion all over everything and ruined a few things my family had bought for our son we are expecting together because my DH wasn't watching him. During his divorce his ex had cheated with numerous men including prostituting herself to pay for her attorney (by her own admission). Originally he had full custody and she had supervised visitation. After the guardian ad litems *who was awful* presentation to the magistrate they went to shared parenting. My DH was not utilizing his full time with his son so his ex took him back to be residential parent. He signed the papers. And then when his son is with us sometimes I feel as though my DH does not really want my SS there, and is genuinely happy to send him back to his mother. When I bring this up to my husband he says he loves his son but is overwhelmed. Like I said this kid is lacking in any guidance/discipline and my husband does not want to punish him all weekend because he only gets to see him for such little time. A few weekends ago my SS demanded milk and when I said no, he slapped the table got up and got the jug of milk out and threw it at me and told me not to tell him no. HES 2! Then when I put him in time out he told his Dad I "beat his ass." I would never spank another persons child first of all & "beat his ass?" where did he get that? Lying already?
We only get him every other weekend and for a few hours during the week. I spoke with my mother in law about the whole situation and she confirmed what I felt. When they were getting a divorce she felt as though my husband didn't want the full responsibilty of this child and didn't fight for him as she would have expected.
At the end of the day I know my DH truly loves his son but I feel most of his attitude stems toward his ex. My SS looks identical to her and acts a lot like her. In the beginning of our relationship she would send him pictures every day of my SS and her doing things together. DAILY. All the time- sometimes up to 10 times a day. She was pregnant before they were even divorced with another mans baby and now shes married as well but that didn;t seem to stop her. To me there has to be boundaries and if I believed this was truly for my SS i wouldn't have made a big deal out of it. Then she found out I was pregnant and went around telling everyone I miscarried and that she prayed for it because it was the best thing that could happen to our baby because "God knew better than to give me and my husband a child" She makes up rumors about my family everytime my DH sees her and my SS is going around saying im not nice then will get confused and ask if im nice or not.If their is a fight between DH and BM it somehow becomes my fault even if I had nothign to do with it. She has trained him to tell her shes beautiful and how pretty her hair is.... he says it everytime he leaves her house. She bathes with him and before their divorce was caught "playing" with his erections. I voiced my concerned to my DH when my SS threw a tantrum because I would not spread my legs and let him watch me go potty and then again when I went to shower and he stripped and tried to join me but I refused. My DH called children services and asked them for advice and they seemed concerned but said until he told us she was touching him they wouldn't be able to do anything.
Anyways, I believe deep down that this is not my SS fault at all. He is an innocent child but i completely resent him being at my house. It causes so much trouble for my DH and I and she always has something to say. I used to enjoy him and even though hes done nothing wrong the idea of having him at my home upsets me. Especially with my first BK on the way. I fear for him because of the crazy things his ex has done in the past and the jealously she has for him already. I don't want my DH to parent our son the way he doe my SS but as I said I didn't realize things were this bad until I was already pregnant. I don't feel my DH and I's relationship is strong enough to endure a new baby on top of his previous family. I love him but I want to protect and give my BS the best life I can and I don't know how to with my DH's previous family in the picture. I am completely regretting my actions and am so upset I am bringing a baby into this situation. How can I have such negative feelings towards an innocent child because of his parents and my own insecurites within my own marriage? Whats wrong with me?