Need a good vent
GRRRRR...REALLY need to vent right now.
SS11 has been wishy washy about band. He says he doesn't want to do it b/c his mother won't get up once every two weeks to bring him in early for rehearsals. The other 75% I'm the one bringing him in. Regardless, it would cause too much of a problem for her, so he doesn't want to do it. I should've known when they forced him to blow off his 5th grade concert last year. This happened last year as well with math. He scored in the 98th percentile in the state math exams, so they put him in advanced math. The math was too hard for her, cuz she's just *brilliant* so he started blowing off assignments. When the math teacher addressed us with the issues, DH and I were all "We'll kick his butt, and help him out," while she responds "I just asked him and he doesn't want to do it anymore, and I don't care if he does." SS8, major athlete was in jr. basketball Saturday mornings, but b/c BM had to pull her lazy ass out of bed, and only brought him one time, he mysteriously doesn't enjoy team sports at all anymore.
We had a psych eval done and are fighting for full custody, and are just waiting this out. But, my GOD! How many things are they going to quit before the court decides that two half lives do not equal one happy childhood? These kids do have an extra-curricular activity, it's called having divorced, non-communicative parents, with 50/50 custody and it SUCKS. >:(
She probably makes him feel
She probably makes him feel like it's a big hassle for her, so he feels guilty and won't advocate for himself.
I'm always hesitant to sign SD6 up for anything, because BM will drop the ball on her and not follow through, or will want to put her in something different, and will coach SD6 to say that she doesn't want to do whatever I'm trying to get her to do. It's very frustrating.
Your last paragraph really drives it home, though. "Two half lives do not equal one happy childhood. These kids do have an extracurricular activity. It's called having divorced non communicative parents with 50/50 custody and it sucks."
That's exactly what our bm
That's exactly what our bm did. She finally got EOWe visitation w SS13 last year but would make him feel guilty about his activities so he would say that he didn't want to do them AFTER we signed him up. This happened with football and karate. Then he decided not to play basketball, baseball and football( the following season) because she didn't want the hassle of taking him to games on her Saturday.
It used to piss me off but it's not my kid and I have no control. If he'd rather tag along and watch my kids play rather than let his bm know how he feels, then it just saves me time and money. I don't really care if he does anything extra at this point as I have minimal time and don't like to waste my money. It's also too stressfully to fight with her or SS (because she is mandated by the court to take him to his activities. But she doesn't).
Thanks ladies. I really feel
Thanks ladies. I really feel like I'm at my limit. DH was recently diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis, which has been incredibly stressful. His meds aren't working, she just upped the dose, and if it doesn't take, he'll have to go in once a month for IV infusions. Adding that to the fun of dealing with skids who are at the mercy of their BM, on top of more stress of blended family issues is just pushing me over the edge. It's even bleeding into work, and things I ordinarily would just let roll off me, are things that are now really stressing me out. Docs gave me xanax to deal with it. I feel like when I got divorced I had this huge support system that really helped me through. Now that I'm remarried, I think my support system thinks I don't need them anymore, and I'm just floundering with a constant state of unsettled mess.
Ok new crazy shit from the
Ok new crazy shit from the ex! BM calls school today to request copies of tuition and after school care receipts. Quick recap... BM will pay us no CS pays for nothing for the SS12 and now wants copies of receipts for the things we have paid for so she can get reimbursement through her work and then give the check to DH to help cover cost. If I wasn't sick as a dog right now I probably would have flipped out it's called FRAUD! I just looked at my DH and laugh and told him do not even touch the check or any money she gives you she's about to hang herself and they will just love her in prison. Wow she put a whole new spin on crazy! I just wonder how I can speed up the process???? I know evil of me to think that but hey I AM THE EVIL SM!!
And now I can top my previous
And now I can top my previous vent. SS11 calls dad at 10:30 tonight. Informs DH that mom bought herself a piano, and "no offense, but BM is a better piano teacher than SM". (SM has a degree in music education, is a general music teacher, and has 20 piano students, BM has her GED from homeschooling, and anything she knows she slowly but surely taught herself). I mean, REALLY? She convinced the kid to drop band, something he was REALLY good at, and then proceeds to reinforce how much *better* she is than me, while teaching her child that all the education and training I have doesn't amount to jack squat, because she, with virtually no training can do it so much better than me. What is wrong with her? Am I so intimidating a human being, she has to compete with everything that I do, and put me down in the process to her kid to beef herself up? How sad is that????
Sounds to me as though BM is
Sounds to me as though BM is self conscious of herself and attempts to use put downs to build her self up. Problem with that is when the children get older they will either understand that it is messed up or become like her and get a head for a short period of time and then ruin relationships.
As long as you and DH show them the positive it will go a long way in helping them understand what gets them ahead in life.
dup post sorry.
dup post sorry.
We gave up on having sks
We gave up on having sks involved in things a while ago. SS was in baseball (little league at 6) and it was a nightmare. He missed 6 games one summer bc of her.... (they live with us but had visits with her and she just wouldnt take him). He was so upset about it, and the other kids were not very nice to him bc he was helping them lose! He immediately wanted to quit.
We are just holding out until they hit middle school and can do actual school stuff-- not clubs. Hopefully then we can get more out of her. I dont know---- it really sucks for sks.
So. Psychiatric evaluation
So. Psychiatric evaluation came back. Get this, DH's was "Too perfect" according to the evaluator, and therefore thinks he's trying too hard to look good. BM had access to the kids before he brought them, and then she had them for 11 days straight on vacation when she brought them in for hers. So, they were apparently ill-behaved during DH's sessions, but very well behaved during BM's. Plus, they refer to their SDad as "Daddy"!! Seriously???? How can any evaluator NOT see that as a form of alienation? OMG. This is so effing frustrating. Our lawyer says not to worry, he doesn't put much stock into it, and he can easily rip it apart, because she clearly didn't follow protocols that she's supposed to follow. Meanwhile, BM and her husband have been getting a little too comfortable in their position, probably because of the results. Will this never end?