Driving me crazy
Not sure where to start.
my fiancés daughter (10) used to visit each weekend. All of a sudden she's decided she doesn't want to come over anymore. She's blocked my kids on the phone, won't answer my texts and rarely answers her dads texts / calls. He goes to pick her up and she refuses to come.
not sure if this all because we are getting married in a few months but the thing is no one is allowed to question her decision. Her mum says she has anxiety issues but it can't be that bad as she stays with other relatives including my fiancé's parents , sister etc.
her mum said the thought of coming to ours makes her vomit , have anxiety attacks the lot. Fiancé has asked why she won't come she she just says she doesn't know and everyone leaves it at that.
i just don't get it. How is a 10 year old able to dictate not seeing her dad who is such a good dad.
She's said she is going g to be our bridesmaid but won't stay over at the venue. Not particularly wanting her mum picking her up from our wedding. I am at the point of telling her not to bother being a bridesmaid as she's completely ignored us all but likes the idea of being a bridesmaid on her terms. I'm not really prepared to be treated this way .
when she did visit and I'd ask her to do things with me she would openly sigh and pull faces so I'd see her upset. She would also be very sarcastic with me if her dad wasn't around and then like butter wouldn't melt when he was around.
anyone had any experience of this? I can't help but feel offended by all this and it's causing so many rows with me and my fiancé because he says there's nothing he can do .
I don’t get it either
Not the same situation but my ss14 isn't questioned either. And they just leave it at that. At this point you have to let them worry about it. If her dad doesn't want to get to the root of it then that's on him and not you. You haven't done anything to her. And if she is at the house don't offer to do anything with her. Let her be with your dh and you enjoy some time alone. It's not what you had planned but when the parents the child to make all of the decisions the only thing it will do to you is cause you stress.
You're right, it's the fact a
You're right, it's the fact a child gets to decide on visitation and it's that lack of structure and the fact she could say to her dad she just doesn't want to see him. It's making me go crazy
Her mother is projecting her
Her mother is projecting her angst over the wedding onto her daughter. If her mother was more accepting of the situation, the SD might not be acting up so much. BM has her caught in a loyalty bond trap. Her father needs to make things clear to BM that he is moving on but that does NOT mean he is abandoning his daughter. If he keeps playing BM's games he will lose his daughter. This a big thing to handle and will play into your future with him. Read the different forums and get a better picture of dealing with a high conflict bm.
He's always telling her
He's always telling her things to reassure her and I always give throb their time but it's the fact she refuses to tell anyone why she won't come. I think it's her only power but you're right it's really affecting our relationship as I can't see how this will all pan out long term
You need to research Parental
You need to research Parental Alienation (syndrome) or PA / PAS. There's a lot of information about this out there (both on this site and on the web) and some advice on how to handle it. Unfortuately it's very difficult to combat.
My sd’s were already pas’d out and had cut off contact
With their dad 2.5 yrs before we married and 1.5 yrs before marrying me.
one time before we married i did ask him if he wanted to reach out to sd's to invite them to our wedding and he said no.
they made a choice to end contact over lies and pas and were 9 & 19 when we married, they disappeared and cut off all contacts and existing phone numbers.
one of my hubby's sil was feeding intel to bio mum about us but hubby said his daughters chose to end contact and ue wasn't gonna have them ruin our wedding day and they wouldn't be invited because they chose to have no relationship with him.
sd's told their dad years ago that they knew bio mum lied but they chose to penalise their dad over rubbish pas
Do you ever think your
Do you ever think your husband regrets the decision or is he glad he chose to do that. After a day of hell and his kid and the ex having all the power I've made it clear that he is fine to continue the relationship with his daughter but I don't want any part of it. I've been ignored and treated with contempt for months and I'm not just having her turn up on my wedding day. It was making me ill with depression the way we are all treated.
Ball-less daddy syndrome.
Ball-less daddy syndrome. Pathetic.
Time for DH to slap BM with a contempt motion every time she fails to surendet his daughter as the CO stipulates.
I feel the same way!
My SD will literally play her parents with little remorse, and they just cave!!! They allow her a child to call all the shots and it is so maddening and my fiancé just doesn't see it that way, which drives me even crazier! Because he can't believe a 7 year old can be manipulative. But whenever she doesn't get what she wants/gets her way.(i.e. new toys, iPad time, phone usage, buying her something new, or taking her somewhere fun.) She shuts down and starts crying saying its because she misses her mom so we can drive her an hour away to go back to her even if she just got there. So I guess I dont have advice but just know you are not alone.
Why are you participating in
Why are you participating in and tolerating your DH catering to his manipulative failed family progeny?
If she were mine, she would get no choice but to assume the position for a spanking or go to her room and work out her crybaby shit,.
smh