I just refer to the BM in my life as "She who will not be named" because she's like Voldemort to me. Even bringing myself to say her name feels awkward.

The BM in my life is a bully, who also loves to complain that people are bullying her. She called me "aggressive" after I moved to avoiding and ignoring her.

She's also convinced that she is the only one working to cooperate and co-parent, even though she regularly sends DH demanding emails to pay for activities he wasn't even aware SSs were participating. She is "keeping a list" of all of the things she's paid for that he's refused to pay for...she doesn't know that I, too, am keeping a list of all of her demands for money, including demands for things she decided the children needed or should be doing without any consultation with DH.

I found a therapist who understood the issues - she was the one who told me that BM seemed to be exhibiting "borderline tendencies" - but she told me that there wasn't much she could do to help me, because my reactions to BM's behavior were completely normal and that BM's behavior was not going to change. She said that the only thing I could do was to try to remove myself from the situation entirely...which she admitted would be difficult to do, because as a wife, I'm supposed to support my husband and he needed support in dealing with BM himself. She suggested he find a friend or family member who could provide a sympathetic ear.