Be kinder than necessary to everyone! We all have our battles.

He thinks it's great to get advice from others who are "outside the situation" but have some insight to it. We hide nothing from each other, no matter how bad we think the other might respond. Soemtimes he gets upset because I am EXTREMELY forward with people and say a bit too much, but he's just the opposite so it balances out very well. If I think you're an ass, you better believe you'll know about it. I recently got into it with his ex cause she refused to pay for anything with the kids. Well....I finally told her exactly what I thought of her...she cried and had her new hubby call me back-ha ha ha. I let her know I thought she was skanky for cheating on her ex (twice) and that she was a horrrible mother because she left her kid s for a man, and never cares for them when she has them. It was a bit harsh, but really-she got that upset because she knows it's all true. My hubby was upset that I fought with her for a minute, but then he was like "I am glad someone finally told her what needed to be said" She'll get over it, or she won't, I really don't care.

But SD knows there is a step parent site. I worried about that for a while, BUT my DH actually defended me writing here to SD when she DEMANDED he make me stop. She said she knew I was writing on a step family support group and since she was the only step kid in my life, I must be writing all about her and she was irate about it.

DH simply told her this-

"If you don't want her to write about you, then don't do anything to give her something to write about."

He was only mad about it because SD was feeding him the same line BM used to whenever she would do something ridiculous and would be mad if she thought he talked to anyone about it. And I remember this from our first few years together, BM would call DH and yell about how she knew we were talking about her all the time. We weren't actually, unless it was to each other about her issues and how they affected us. So I gave him a good line back- "If you don't want us to talk about you together, stop providing so much material."

So, though I haven't always posted things DH would be happy about reading, it's rare that I do. I don't really think he reads them, though he knows where to find them. He is happy about all the wonderful friends I've made here, as well as all the writing to epiphany I have been able to do here.

"When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." ~Geoffrey F. Abert

Honestly, I don't think DH is aware of this site or that I write on it..I don't hide it from him..But I have never mentioned it to him because I really think it's none of his business. This is "my haven" and my safe place to come to vent, release the negative feelings, and to seek advice and support.

If he did find the site and read my posts I honestly wouldn't care. Everything I say on this site is the absolute truth and it might do him some good to see the responses and view point of other step parents! I always go by the saying your shouldn't snoop or you might read or see things you don't want to see..

Actually, at one time, I had concerns about his Family of Origin coming across this board and discovering my posts..But then I thought..."Screw them"...They would just have the most difficult time believing that their "Golden Child" (the step brat) isn't really perfection incarnate..They are a fat part of the reason she is such a snot in the first place..

My DH knows, and knows that I mostly post replies to others posts. But there have been a few times when he's been a dumbass for whatever reason and then sees me at the computer... he'll stop dead in his tracks and say "you're not posting about me on ST, are you??" Totally makes me laugh when it happens.

Never video tape anything you's be ashamed for your mother to see.

Never Post anything on a Forum you'd be ashamed for your husband to see.

(Unless he doesn't know about it). Find another Forum for that kind of stuff.

OR: Maybe he should read it as it'll be a good way for him to understand you better.

He doesn't think our personal situation is anyone else's business. Although I can see this to some extent, I NEED someone to help me with these issues and since he won't cooperate...

I would NEVER tell him I am on here, as he would NEVER understand. But I also try not to say anything on here that I would be embarrassed to have him read. Doesn't always work, but I DO try.

My wife also knows what I discuss as far as my Skid and the BioDad and BioDad's family.

She may not know the exact wording but she knows the gist of the content.

I would say don't sweat it. If someone gets their feelings hurt my answer would be "the truth hurts doesn't it?"

Or my standard "Facts are not good or bad they are just facts"

If they don't like the facts they should change the behavior that resulted in the facts.

Just my thoughts of course.

Best regards,

As some things would be very recognizable if anyone i know were on here. My BF knows i'm a member but doesn't know what i talk about and would probably be pretty upset to see how i truly feel about my life, LoL

"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege"

I actually cut and paste the text of one of the posts yesterday and emailed to my H because it was identical to our situation. I told him....see.....we're not the only ones going through this BS. He emailed me back with LOL....stating that SD13 must have a twin brother we don't know about.

I didn't tell him about this site for the longest time. I kept it to myself because on this site I can safely scream out my frustration about how horrible my SD is most of the time. It helps me deal with her day to day BS without calling her the names I would dearly love to call her. Trust me the list is long.

But slowly, after I disengaged from any parenting (long story I really, really should blog) and my H finally accepted my decision, I was able to share some stories from ST. It's not that I didn't think there were other difficult skids, BM's and BF's, but I didn't realize how often we all have to deal with identical issues.

So thank you all for your posts. Without this site I might have very well packed my little bags and walked out a long time ago. Truly, I was ready to trash my marriage because of my skid.

Never eat more than you can lift.
Miss Piggy

My husband is glad that I found a place where I can get advice, and vent frustration. It upsets him to see me upset, and he is aften upset about the same things I am with BM, so he thinks it's great that I have someone other than him to talk to about the bm bull s$^&.

And I told him I was posting...

He does think we pick on children but that is because he wants no scrutiny of SD17. Sometimes I read him things that are said and he agrees.

He doesn't like me on the computer all the time but does not dare! tell me not to. He kind of thinks we are some kind of hen party on crack!

I don't say anything here that has not been said to all parties involved, well maybe a little edited if I say it directly to them. I have asked him to read but he is not that interested and has his own things he likes to read and not much time.

The best thing is that even he now realizes our situation, and even SD and BM, are not 'unique' or 'special', they are just 'divorced'. He was thinking for years all this was his fault, every bit of it, and I don't see how he can be responsible for the actions of 4 adults, just because his wife kicked him out twice and divorced him 13 years ago.

SD and BM encourage DH to feel guilty because that conveniently lets everyone else off the hook. Since I have been here, he is now forced to look at their contributions to the problems. He takes complete responsibility for things he did, but he no longer feels he must sacrifice everything for their 'approval'.

And I really don't care what they or anyone else thinks because no one cares to ask anything about him or his surgeries, job loss, problems, just how much money can they get out of him.

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

I've actually printed off some things that I wrote as well as the responses to it. He's about halfway afraid to look now.

He definitely knows the web address but he doesn't pry.

"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac

My FH knows I go "someplace" to vent. I have often cut and pasted responses from posts for him to look at. I think this site has helped me tremendously to vent because I think I would have taken a lot more anger out on him if I didn't have my friends here on ST to talk to. I don't have any friends that deal with this crazy drama. A few that have been divorced but they all moved on with their lives and never even wanted to talk to their ex's. All they cared about was CS and come pick up your kid otherwise they didn't even want to speak to their ex's - which I think is awesome.

He thinks it's a "woman" thing to do. And, like previous posters, I only post the truth. He's more scared someone here will tell me to leave him (which I have) but totally due to him, not to the blog.

One can only hope!

but he doesn't know exactly which site it is. I'm sure he could find it if he wanted to, but he is a non-prying kinda guy. I tell him what I write on here soemtimes and what people respond. Or I talk to him about other people's situations, and we discuss them in relation to our own.

He knows I needed a place to come to relate to people that are in the same situations. Also, I only write the truth, so if BM or he finds it, tough cookies for them! The truth hurts!

How would they know if I don't tell them. Could BM search and find that I post here? It could hurt our case if I am writing nasty things about her here. Please tell me so I can delete all my writing and rewrite how much I love and admire her, all of her personalities

I would love for my DH to know, maybe he would stop acting like I'm some evil stepmom!!! I love this site, it makes me feel normal, lol.

DH wouldn’t like or understand that I need a place to vent. He doesn’t like to think of me in terms of ever being annoyed/frustrated/emotionally drained (basically anything negative) when it comes to his son. The funny thing is other people are allowed to have these emotions and he seems to understand. But the person who deals with him the most (me) is held to a different standard.