Things I Must Admit
1. I am so embittered about bm and her constant abuse of me that I have caught myself making flash judgements about pregnant women and other moms- for instance, right now I am sitting in a lobby next to a mom who is texting away while her husband takes care of both her kids. I caught myself thinking about how she'd be if she was divorced from him and he was remarried- wondered if she would be a spiteful, mean, horrible bm who hated the new wife simply for existing. I know how messed up this is. I am not, by nature, someone who judges books by their covers. I am working on it.
2. My brain is so frazzled from the first day of summer, with all four kids all by myself, that I cannot even remember what I was going to write next. My SSs are good, kind kids but they are very needy and have had so little consistency (they have 50/50 and divide it right down the line- so when they leave us after the better part of a week, they leave having made strides in independence, hygiene, neediness, clinginess...but then they come back after spending time with her and it's like they've taken steps backward.)
3. Ah, I remember! At times I wish that BM would just go away. I don't wish anything bad on her, and I would certainly not want my SSs to be in pain over missing her (so that is why this fantasy of mine is just that, a fantasy) but I am so very tired of all this. Thank the Gods for this board, for my sense of self and that I know right from wrong, and for the fact that I know enough to seek help for my bitterness and don't want to see myself consumed by it. If this awful woman could do that, things might improve. But I don't expect that to happen anytime soon.
Does it help at all to know
Does it help at all to know that even tho I have to deal with the most difficult, jealous, control-freak of a BM, I am a BM to a 15 year old myself. And I am NOT any of these things! I love my daughter and respect her relationship with her father and his girlfriend.
Ginger, that makes two of us
Ginger, that makes two of us and I know there are more out there. I am a BM who is really hopeful that my ex will find his true love someday, that she will be kind to my kids. I just don't believe that the bond between mother and child can be broken. I believe in nature and chemistry and blood being really powerful. I don't feel threatened by whatever it is some of these women do.
Best wishes in your dealings with a psycho BM!! Thank you for taking time to respond.
MJL
I am a BM whose ex-husband is
I am a BM whose ex-husband is married to the woman he told me he was leaving me for when I was 8 months pregnant (had the baby the next day), and yet I have not said one negative word about her to my daughter, have been cordial to her on the phone, am pleasant and cooperative with my ex and his wife, and encourage my daughter to love her Dad and respect his wife.
So if I can be normal and business-like with my ex and his wife when they truly did do me dirty, then it proves these BM's who trump up all these imagined jealousy scenarios and psychotic conflicts are just delusional and nuts.
OK, and I have another child by someone else (yep, 2 kids/2 dads, shit happens even when you are a college-educated professional with a "good" upbringing) and we're on very friendly terms as well.
Count me in on the shaking-my-head-in-disbelief-at-these-crazy-BMs camp. I wish ours would go away, too, and I might not even hope that it wouldn't cause emotional distress to the skids. It might be worth it.
I also wish BM would go away.
I also wish BM would go away. The emotional distress it would cause the skids would be far less than the emotional distress SHE causes, not only to them but to WAY too many people in this world.
And I am also a BM. My son's father has been married for quite some time (we never were). I don't have any feelings whatsoever regarding her except maybe pity. I don't know her so I cannot judge her. Too bad Psycho Bitch wasn't like that...
Salve for my soul, ladies-
Salve for my soul, ladies- thank you!! I hope your situations all improve with time. MamaAlthea, truly inspiring- thank you for sharing your story. Skylark- love it. I agree. I do think that ours is causing way more distress through her actions.....I need not say the rest!