Situation seems to improve but I cannot forgive my SD
Dear all,
My SD8 had selective mutism (not really confirmed by the doctor) but she never talked to me, responded, or looked at my eyes and she ignored me for the last 4 years. Her attitude in other situations was not to respond to adults (except at moms house or with her grandmother and a few other expections at school)
After spending terrible times for the last few years, where she cried for everything, she had temper tantrums, was also disrespectul to me (because she never answered to my quesstions or looked at my eyes), finally it seems she is talking now.
Last Saturday she responded to me for the first time to all my questions, did not cry and acted like a complete normal human being.
I think this is real progress, not sure if her attitude will continue. On the other hand I still think she made my life a real hell. I suffered a lot during my pregnancy because of her attitude, which my DH accepted like "something to be improved".
I feel I am not ready to forgive her. I always accepted and treated her like a princess (prepared the food she liked, bought her nice toys).
First, of course, I am surprised, she began to talk!
But how do we go on now? How can I forget all the nasty times she was a bitch to me. And this sudden change seems so weird.
I´d appreciate your comments
I understand how frustrating
I understand how frustrating this must have been for you, but I don't think you can hold it against a child of that age (ie the mutism from age 4 to
It sounds like she had a genuine emotional/psychological problem, and she has somehow got over it now. I think just move on with the new improved version of SD.
I agree with Silvercat -- it
I agree with Silvercat -- it doesn't sound like it was really her fault -- like she does have emotional/psychological issues. If you can look at it like that and remember it wasn't you -- maybe that will help. You'll have to stop replaying all of the old "records" in your mind, and make a conscious decision to forgive her.
She is a child -- and was 4 years old when it started. I get it though -- being hurt, and you give give give. But she has a condition for sure if she didn't talk till she was 8!
That would make it easier for me. Just stop replaying the old stuff -- I always "shush" myself, and that helps.
My youngest dd (now 7) had
My youngest dd (now 7) had selective mutism from the age of 2 1/2.
She went through some trauma (she got quite ill and was in hospital for a while and underwent a battery of invasive and painful tests. She has an autoimmune disorder called Myasthenia gravis.
Anyway, the selective mutism (we think) was because of the trauma of all these strangers poking and prodding at her.
She would only speak to immediate family and a few close friends who we saw all the time. Anyone else she ignored, just looked right through. She is a lot better now, but she only spoke to her kindy teacher twice in the whole year - she couldn't help it.
There were so many adults who would attempt to force her to speak, carry on about how rude and bad mannered she was etc. She couldn't help it!
This is obviously an anxiety based disorder and to continue to blame and resent this poor wee kid for something beyond her control is unfair. Try your hardest to just go with her, it wasn't rudeness, she wasn't being a bitch or a princess to you. She couldn't help it. I can promise you she WANTED to be normal, she wanted desperately to be relaxed and able to let go and just be herself ALL the time. My own little one would tell me she wanted to more than anything, but she just couldn't
So, try and forgive her. Try and allow your relationship to develop - she has made a huge leap this week. Be happy about it.
Leave the past in the past
Leave the past in the past and move forward. It can take several years for a stepfamily to get used to eachother. Sounds like you are moving in the right direction.
thank you all for your
thank you all for your comments!!. We are going to talk to the pshycologist, about this improvement. Other things are still happening: she still pees on her pants at school or at home, sucks her thumb and rubb her ears and has nightmares once a week.
The mutism was never confirmed but it seems it is over!
Thank you for your words! I am trying now to get used to this new situation, as every time she answers is a big surprise to me.