My kids HIS KIDS
My son is in AAU. He has games till March. Not every weekend but some weekends. I am not happy that his father put him in it not asking me first etc. As I find it hard to afford since they all require hotel stays. But to my point. This past weekend he had one and because SO family invited us over for football I went to games on Saturday and football with SO family on Sunday. And am feeling VERY guilty and upset over it. I know that if it were any of his kids playing in anything it would have been a cold day in hell we went and did anything with my family. We would have been right there with HIS kids and his EX WIFE and her mother and on and on...
My son has a tourny coming up in a month. We as a family have chosen which ones we will go to and which we can't afford to go to. Last night So tells me that he really wants to get some tickets for something his kids would like to go to the SAME weekend that my sons games are. First it was I will get them the tickets and they can go. Now it's turned into well I think I am going to get us all tickets and go. Ok that's fine. BUT that is the weekend we AS A FAMILY decided we would go for the weekend to do the sports. Which isn't all day. It's two games on Sat and 2 games on sunday leaving much time for play.
I have decided that I WILL not miss another game that my son has due to the changing of plans skids and him. I will in fact go alone to watch my son. And he can travel the 6 hours to spend the weekend with skids without us. Part of me is SO angry about this because he didn't talk to me about it. Just made a choice. So here we are I'm off doing things with MY FAMILY and he is off doing things with HIS FAMILY.
Part of me is okay with this. And I find that disturbing.
My situation is a little
My situation is a little different but similar, we would plan things, skids would say they were going and then at the last minute drag their feet or decide they didn't want to go but they wouldn't tell their dad they didn't want to go for fear of hurting his feels. They would play it out for hours that they were trying to get a hold of their mom to get the key to get in to the house, blah blah, so we ended up waiting all day then it was too late to do anything. This has gone one for 4 years. Recently I wanted to take my kids to Santas Wonderland and skids pulled the same thing at 4:00 I decided I wasn't going to let it bother me anymore and keep me from doing for/with my children. BC I realized skids didn't care that we were missing out or sitting home, they were doing their own thing. Now I just plan my life with my kids and if skids want to go they'll figure it out and some how show up. Before I got married, my children and I would go all over the place, have fun, spend time with family and for 4 years we haven't done anything. My husband even told me once to go to Seaworld without him bc skids couldn't go and we have a son together, so he didn't even care if he missed his son's first visit to Seaworld all bc his daugthers couldn't go. Really!!??
I say do want you want to do, what makes you happy bc if you go along with him and his family and in your heart you don't want to be there or are missing your son's sporting events later you will hate yourself for missing out for him or his kids.
Just go without him, and his
Just go without him, and his loss if he misses out because he allows his kids to do that to him.
I feel for you. I have alot
I feel for you. I have alot of kids. But, only one husband. In the end, the husband comes first. That is the only way to survive a marriage without skids, let alone one with them.
A lot of shameful feeling come into play when you have skids. From both sides. Sometimes you just can't love someone elses kids the way you love your own. And your SO probably feels the same way. Try as you may, it's hard. You start out a relationship involved and even giving more to future skids because you feel it may payoff. It doesn't always.
Here's the point though. As much as I'm going through, I have learned this much. When two parents (married or not) want to do two seperate activities with their own kids, it's probably best to agree to go your own way. You accomplish alot by spending one on one with your own kids. He will also. The kids will appreciate the time alone with their parents. There's alot of jealousy and resentment for kids in blended families. You shouldn't look at it as a seperation of you and your SO. Look at it as an opportunity for you and your son to be alone together.
Bitterness will reck a relationship though. Maybe mentioning to your SO that even though you were hurt at first, you realize that it turned out to be a good thing may help. He may admit the same thing. You don't know what kind of nagging HIS kids are giving him behind the scenes.
Now, same holds true for his kids activities though. If you don't want to attend and have plans with your own family etc. you should do your own thing. Just be sure your actions are for the right reasons and not for revenge. If they are, might as well just bail out now.
I agree, that time alone with
I agree, that time alone with ones bio kids is important. But I think the issue here is that they decided as a family to attend the games, and Dh unilaterally changed his plans without consulting her. It would be one thing if he came to her and said, listen, my bio kids really want to do thing activity but its only on the weekend we agreed to go to ss games. What do you think? But he just decided on his own and basically said screw you.
I think you need to talk to him about how that makes you feel, and ask that he not handle it like that again. Decisions made as a family, should be changed as a family.
I have an AWESOME bf. But
I have an AWESOME bf. But sometimes men are just stupid and self-centered. He and I had a discussion about what to do for lunch (sandwiches at home) while our kids played on the playground. We got in our separate cars, and within 5 mins I'm finding out that he has told the girls (mine and his) riding with him that we should eat at the zoo. WHAT?! Didn't we JUST decide together that we would have sandwiches at my house? I know this is not the same, but sometimes they just don't think. Sometimes WE don't think either. But it's probably just a brain fart and he got into "my kids" mode and not "our family" mode. It happens. Definitely talk to him about it, but embrace the blessing it may be to have some alone time with your son.