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how to survive a blended family event?

gaviotas's picture

Submitted by gaviotas on Thu, 10/01/2015 - 7:17am

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Blended Family Issues

hello,
in a few weeks we will celebrate a party for my SD (a religious event). After church both families will attend.
The venue is a nice and large place, so may be I can hide somewhere...
This is the first time of such reunion... I feel really uncomfortable to share with BM family. Imagine, my SD has about 4 aunts, grandparents, cousins and people I have never seen before.
Sharing this event it´s really new for me and I don´t know how I will interact. I think I will be seating with MIL all the night and have some drinks to forget the awkward moment. Please help, it´s about 6 hours (church + venue)!!

gaviotas's picture

Submitted by gaviotas on Thu, 10/01/2015 - 7:52am

thank u Sally for your sense of humor!! I really need it!! and of course a good dosis of alcohol Smile Cheers!!!

Monchichi's picture

Submitted by Monchichi on Thu, 10/01/2015 - 7:22am

When I went I sat as far from BM, SF and ex SS as humanely possible. Maybe wait and see how the BM handles it? They may play nice based on the reason for this get together. Good luck!

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Thu, 10/01/2015 - 8:22am

Just be yourself and think of BM and her family as just other guests; don't be intimidated by them or let them make you feel uncomfortable. They are just people.

I am all for drinking in situations like this but be sure not to drink TOO much. We don't want you dancing on the tables and such!

And by all means, look exceptional, be confident, and remember that you belong there.

z3girl's picture

Submitted by z3girl on Thu, 10/01/2015 - 8:36am

I've been lucky so far because it was only BM at both SD's high school and college graduations. I've never had to deal with anyone than BM herself. I know SD has a decent size family on that side, so I imagine a wedding will be uncomfortable. I personally would just keep to myself and just smiled and say hello if forced to meet anyone. My DH isn't a very social person, so I imagine it will be fairly easy to be that way.

No fun...I agree, lots of drinks. I would probably take some Xanax and keep the drinking moderate since I can judge the affect of Xanax better.

gaviotas's picture

Submitted by gaviotas on Fri, 10/02/2015 - 6:46am

Xanax is a good option too.. thanks for the tip.
I also forgot that BM is single again since July. She will be on her own and also that will make the situation weird. I suspect she will want to play the happy family.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Thu, 10/01/2015 - 9:38am

I wouldn't go.

If you must go, be friendly to everyone, if people are snooty to you then move on. There will be some of her family that will be nice to you. Be careful what you say so not to give too much info/ammo to them. Force yourself to smile and be gracious so that they only bad thing people can say about you is that you were "nice". Don't say anything bad about BM or her family while you are there, you never know who is listening. Don't take on any obvious "mothering" roles and step on BM's toes, but also don't feel like you don't deserve to be there, hold your head up high and keep on smiling.

gaviotas's picture

Submitted by gaviotas on Fri, 10/02/2015 - 7:07am

Thank you!!
Yes I will be very social and I do agree the venue is a neutral place, so with all your advices I will be fine Smile I am taking care of the catering (a request from my DH) so I also will be busy controlling the caterers.
I will also try to sit far away from BM in church, I hope I can avoid this point, as there are some places reserved for each family.
I have no relationship with BMs family. I only talked to her last boyfriend, who was a sweetheart, they broke up in July. We really miss him because he made the things easier for us, and was a good contact point. Every time we took SD home he was there and was really nice to talk to him. Now he is gone :O

gaviotas's picture

Submitted by gaviotas on Fri, 10/02/2015 - 8:23am

sorry, my previous answer was duplicated. I don´t think there is a chance of reconciliation, but I forsee she will play the lonely woman role to gain attention. :?

gaviotas's picture

Submitted by gaviotas on Fri, 10/02/2015 - 8:02am

Thank you!!
Yes I will be very social and I do agree the venue is a neutral place, so with all your advices I will be fine Smile I am taking care of the catering (a request from my DH) so I also will be busy controlling the caterers.
I will also try to sit far away from BM in church, I hope I can avoid this point, as there are some places reserved for each family.
I have no relationship with BMs family. I only talked to her last boyfriend, who was a sweetheart, they broke up in July. We really miss him because he made the things easier for us, and was a good contact point. Every time we took SD home he was there and was really nice to talk to him. Now he is gone :O

gaviotas's picture

Submitted by gaviotas on Fri, 10/02/2015 - 6:52am

he insisted, believe me. I tried to avoid church because we have two little kids that will run and make noise during the ceremony. But he insists. Going to the venue seems less invasive, but with SM single again, everything is possible...

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Thu, 10/01/2015 - 4:18pm

When I'm in socially awkward situations, I either go invisible or follow the "killing with kindness" style.

I wish that folks had nametags w/reference points such as: "Virginia. Cousin. Dad's side of the family. See once a year." I feel for you with the inundation of family.

To be honest, I have successfully navigated weird situations by connecting with some elder family member. They are just sitting there. Main participants tend to drop them off and go on. Happy for company. Glad that someone will ask them questions and listen to them. Will also praise you after the fact since you listened to their 'appendicitis story.' Course, they may have no idea who you are.

Good luck

gaviotas's picture

Submitted by gaviotas on Fri, 10/02/2015 - 8:16am

I love killing with kindness style haha... but for the elder family no luck, grandparents are about 60 years old, active and healthy! Sad

ldvilen's picture

Submitted by ldvilen on Thu, 10/01/2015 - 6:01pm

First of all, whether you want to go or not is totally up to you. I agree with another poster who said, you only have to go (and maybe not even then) if your husband insists. Secondly, I am kind'a miffed at all of this advice or laundry listing of how SMs are supposed to act a certain way in this day and age. This is the year 2015 and not 1915. If you go, you should go as what you are--as your husband’s wife and his date/escort. At ANY of these functions you should be treated as your husband’s wife. BM can look out for herself. You DO NOT have to look out for her. You go to these event just like any other married couple goes, as husband and wife. If you are treated otherwise, then shame on whomever invited you.

gaviotas's picture

Submitted by gaviotas on Fri, 10/02/2015 - 6:57am

yes, he insisted...but I am sure I will have no problem at the venue. What I think it might be a problem is to share the same bench at church.. Imagine SM, DH and me with our kids sitting together... I don´t like the idea, also with BM single again.

gaviotas's picture

Submitted by gaviotas on Fri, 10/02/2015 - 8:12am

DH and BM do not get along very well. Only txt messages for money and visits, minimun contact.
BM was never on her own before, she had had 3 boyfriends in about 6 years, so we will see for the first time how she acts without a BF, that´s pretty scary...