Going to see the "Fam" worried about SKids
Ok, so all 6 of us are going to see my family 4 1/2 hours away this weekend. This is the first time we will be staying with my family as a couple/blended family.
He just told his kids last night... he told me this morning that his kids seem like they don't want to go. (Side note, BF is not crazy about going either... but I am done with him not doing anything for ME)
I actually feel bad about it. He told his kids, "to bad, you are going whether you like it or not" :jawdrop:
I was surprised, but I don't want them ruining my family's Christmas this weekend. I am sure it is that they would rather stay home in familiar surroundings, but it kind of pisses me off too.
This is turning out to be pretty stressful, I wonder if it would not be better to just go me and my girls.... but that would also be letting BF off the hook and safe in his little "self" world.
I got on him a few weeks ago when he asked me to stay home on Christmas Eve when he went to a friend's house for a Christmas with his kids. I told him that he was keeping me out of his "special friend's" circle. Then I pointed out to him that he never goes with me to see my family, even the ones that are close. We only do things HIS way. My daughter had martial arts graduation and I asked him to go, she loves him so much... he would not... so I blew up at him.
So last weekend he went to my daughter's Christmas play... he was grumpy the whole time... complained about my Ex-MIL (which I actually understand).
So what the heck? We only do things with HIS family? If I didn't do things with his family, I would not do much... most of my family lives far away... and why the heck should I NOT have this?
Anyway... maybe he silently conveyed that he does not want to go either to his kids... It just pisses me off.
Well too bad I think for him
Well too bad I think for him and the skids. You guys been together a long time? Do you think its because its a long drive or do you think maybe he doesnt like your family? What would happen if you guys got married, would you guys never see your family? Its not like you drive there all the time and drag him there, I think he should suck it up for the every once and a while that you guys do see them. I know I personally wouldnt like the drive but I would go with my dh, it makes me wonder why he didnt want to go to your daughters play. Does he like to stay at home mostly or jump at chances to do things with only his kids?
Some awesome questions...! We
Some awesome questions...!
We have been together for almost 5 years, living together, with all the kids for almost 2. They have all met my family when my family comes to US. He wants to stay home to "work on the shed"
Yeah, ok... we have 2 closets in our bedroom that he has not worked on in 9 months.... no exaggeration there... 9 MONTHS!
We all drove to Florida together this summer... 16 hours....
You do make a good point about going to things for his kids... he hates going to those things... he hates crowds. And talk about a home body... He will go days at a time and not leave the house.
However, at one point... he was going to take vacation this week... and go see his Dad in New York... which he would have DRIVEN! He mentioned doing this AFTER I asked him to go with me...
It never ends....
I do understand the kids not
I do understand the kids not wanting to go... I guess my complaint is mostly about him.
It is a long drive, they have to go back to school after we get back... There are kids there, and my 2 will be there. It is going to be a new experience for them... and I can see that as scary. Part of me thinks that they just want to stay with their family, who caters to them all the time.
My stepmother... (ironically) I can't stand... but there will be a Christmas party where I am sure they will have fun. Where we are going there will be other kids and games and stuff.
I guess I also see this as the entitled brats whining "I don wanna go!!!" "WHAAAAA"
Get over it....
Exactly! That is why I got on
Exactly! That is why I got on him. We did do a Christmas with his family, but this one friend's house, he wants to himself. He tried the, "well maybe we should try this when it is more convenient" My answer was, "Over the last several years it has not been convenient, why not now?"
I am being sick of being on the side... I am finally standing up for what I want. He is not saying that he won't do it. He says he will go because it is important to me.
I thank you for your post.... glad I see it correctly!
I agree, I see red flags.
I agree, I see red flags. You should not have to "get on" your BF to get him to be part of your family. He should be happy your family wants to include him and his children in your Christmas. He needs to show that he is committed to you and that you, your children and his have formed a family. Has he ever said why he doesn't want to go? Do your parents go overboard with attention to your children and gift giving while ignoring his? Maybe his kids feel left out? If that isn't an issue, then sorry to say, looks like he is not as serious about the relationship as you are. Might be a good time to get things out in the open and discuss where you guys are going with this relationship because living together and with both your children needs to be secure and strong or go you both should go separate ways.
Exactly...leave his sorry
Exactly...leave his sorry butt home. He can deal with his kids. You take your kids and GO!!!! Have fun, and don't look back! Maybe he needs to realize that you WILL venture out without him. He's controlling you with his "all about me" actions.
I had two husbands who
I had two husbands who wouldn't make the "sacrifice" to see my parents or extended family very often but theirs was front and center. Sign of a very SELFISH person. I wish I had insisted they participate in MY LIFE. Now I am married to the person who would have loved my Dad, but he died before I met DH. I used to drive 100 miles with two little kids in the winter because my selfish one wouldn't come with me. Out of his comfort zone. It's a two way street and your H's lack of generosity troubles me. As well as leaving you home from a friend's house? Why?!! Was BM there?
No, it was a "old friend" of
No, it was a "old friend" of BM. It is so complicated. He sees this family as his psudo-no drama-family. What ever...
So he's not quite ready to
So he's not quite ready to take the definite stand that you and he are together? Still compartmentalizing? Time to either cut the tie, BF, or bring you on board fully! IMHO, of course!