Extended family issues
Forums:
Does anyone else have issues with their extended family trying WAY too hard with the new stepkids? With my stepdaughter my family tries harder with her than they do with the actual grandkids, so things are basically centered around her to make sure she doesnt "feel excluded." Well she's only with us half the time so how can we possibly include her in everything? She actually gets more presents and attention than the other grandkids because my family is basically overcompensating. My husbands family on the other hand is the opposite and clearly favors SD (their bio grandkid), so my other 2 kids are treated as less than in both places.
I wouldn't say that my
I wouldn't say that my parents PREFER my stepkids, but they are very, very welcoming. I am not so sure about my partner's mother. My partner's stepmother however, has been very welcoming to my son. People are different. I am glad my parents are welcoming.
If you feel your parents are overcompensating, then I would look to address that perceived unfairness - because kids get worked up unreasonably about unfairness. For example, my mother gave my YSS some money for his birthday. Neither BS nor OSS felt slighted by this because this was 'fair'. She handed out £5 to OSS and only OSS - just gave him the money a couple of days later. Both my partner and I were a bit taken aback by this. My son was particularly upset by this. And YSS was puzzled and perplexed by this, too. This is the kind of thing my mother does - partly because she likes to stir trouble (she's a narcissist) - so we were able to explain it like that.
I don't think any of our kids would be upset if bio grandparents gave more money to bio grandkids than step grandkids at birthdays, but all feel they would like to be acknowledged. When it's 'token' gifts - they all expect to receive the same.
Definitely overcompensating
Yes, I definitely feel like it is overcompensating and my whole family does it. I'm especially worried about the fairness to the kids because my oldest BS does not have contact with his bio dads family. So my SD gets favored by my husbands family, is extremely spoiled by her mom's family, and then gets special treatment from my family and seems to think she's entitled to more because of this. I dont want my son to receive any special treatment or people to feel sorry for him, but it just seems so bizarre to me that everyone feels so sorry for SD having divorced parents while no one even acknowledges that my BS was completely abandoned by his dad?
My parents accepted my SS as
My parents accepted my SS as theirs from day one.
They met SS when he was 16mos old. My niece was born when SS WAS 18mos old and we married 5mos later.
The only differential treatment between SS and their BioGKs was in heir will. He was named separately in their will to protect their estate from the SpermClan. When he asked me to adopt him then he was dropped from specifically being mentioned in my parent’s will.
None of the GK’s are mentioned as everything splits between my brother and I.