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Counting down the days... ughhhhhhhhhhh

stepmomsoon's picture

Submitted by stepmomsoon on Wed, 05/29/2013 - 2:52pm

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Blended Family Issues

Well.. soon (I think) we will have full custody of the skids (ss 12 & 14)..

Why do I put "I think" in parenthesis..? Because no one knows what the hell is going on.

The only thing we do know is BM is moving an hour and a half away in two weeks (we have known this for 2 months now) and she will no longer participate in shared parenting.. (we have had 50/50 shared parenting for about 2.5 years)..

And.. the kids (according to BM) can decide where they want to live..

Skids have NOT and will not tell us what they want to do. Dh and I are not moving and will maintain our residence in the same community all kids have called home (all meaning my bd and his kids)..

Soooo... no clue of BM's intentions for visitation.. and obviously she doesn't want the kids if she isn't pushing for custody..

Dh and he can't communicate because she lies and makes shit up.. every conversation turns ugly with them..

No one discusses anything.. skids aren't talking to BM about it or to DH about it and the parents aren't talking... and here I sit frustrated as HELL because "uh hello.. this is my life too.. I would like to know what the hell is going on here!!!"

I feel powerless and have no control of a situation that is going to significantly impact my quality of life.. WTF?

We have submitted paperwork to the courts for a review of the parenting arrangement as well as to establish custody.. and we have a court date..

But damn.. can there be some kind of communication.. anything? These are peoples lives and schedules here..

Help!

Aquastepmom's picture

Submitted by Aquastepmom on Wed, 05/29/2013 - 8:05pm

OMG, I would be going nuts right now. My question is what does DH say when u ask him about it? Is he also not communicating with you? I tell you what, I have moved one time since being with DH, and I didn't consult with anyone because as long as we have transportation, SD will have a way to our house. However in your situation, I think you should be a bit more vocal about this because it will affect you the most, bump the kids. LOl Sorry, but really you have to think about yourself sometimes too. I constantly felt myself being pushed out of decision making in the beginning, but now I am fully involved, especially if I'm expected to share responsibility when caring for SD. I do her hair, we school shop, Xmas shop, and a lot more all year, so yeah, I made myself involves. Now, if I was in a situation where I could not be involved in decision making, then I would definitely take a step back, and not do anything for SD until either DH or BM decided that i do have a say so, which my DH is very supportive about my decision making because we work as a team. It was hard to team up at first when he brought an teammate with him into the relationship, but now we are the team and SD knows that we make decisions, not just Daddy or Nik, but us both together.

stepmomsoon's picture

Submitted by stepmomsoon on Thu, 05/30/2013 - 7:29am

I am absolutely losing my mind!!

Dh is frustrated too... when BM dropped the bomb that she was moving 2 months ago, they really tried to communicate, but it didn't work.. she is delusional and lives in la la land..

They went back and forth about 5 times about the schedule and she pretty much refused to take the boys at all because they are involved in sports and she doesn't want to have to run them to conditioning and practices.. (bear in mind she has an outside sales job and works from home - she can take them to practices/events)..

DH has sent her emails about the weekend schedule and has heard nothing..

indie68's picture

Submitted by indie68 on Wed, 05/29/2013 - 9:09pm

That's crazy. I would be UP MY DH'S ASS about getting an answer. You're right, this does significantly impact your quality of life and it's not fair at all to you! I hope things turn out in a positive manner for you!

stepmomsoon's picture

Submitted by stepmomsoon on Thu, 05/30/2013 - 7:32am

I have been up his ass big time.. but he can only do so much.. if she doesn't communicate, he can't force her..

She is an idiot.. plain and simple.. she could care less if/when she gets the kids.. I think in her mind she is "free of them" once she moves..

Little does she know, we are going after her for support and have put a schedule together that the courts will review.. she isn't just abandoning her kids..

smom802's picture

Submitted by smom802 on Thu, 05/30/2013 - 9:27am

The best I can offer is to make sure you over communicate with the kids...letting them know that they will alwyas have a home with you and your DH. That your concern is for their well being. In my state they are old enough per the courts to decide their custodial parent. You would be surprised how well kids can participate in these types of 'grown up' decisions. Maybe you and DH just need to take control. Good luck. You have my prayers. It is very hard to not have any control over these situations that affect your time, scheudle, energy, and finances.

stepmomsoon's picture

Submitted by stepmomsoon on Thu, 05/30/2013 - 10:22am

We have been communicating with the kids.. well, DH has.. they don't really like me or talk to me about anything.

We have told them we want them here with us and this is always their home.. although truthfully, deep down I don't want them full time because of all the BS and drama they present.. but oh well, not my choice, I suppose. Hopefully once we have them full time we can get a handle on their issues. If not, I might be the one to leave.

The skids haven't flat out said where they want to live.... only made comments about playing sports next year.. I mean come on, is it too much to ask for them to committ.. it's less than two weeks away and their mom moves out of state!! It's like they are weighing their options till the very end.

I want/need to know what's going on.. where are they going to live full time? What is the visitation schedule? This is insane..

I am to the point where I want to be the one to say to the kids.. "are you living here or at your moms?" but I know that isn't my place.. I want to say to BM.. "what the hell? are you going to make some kind of effort to see your kids?"... but I know that would probably not go very well as she hates me.. I have already told DH he needs to reach out to her and try to get some feedback.. We do have a court date regarding the modification of the shared parenting agreement, custody and child support.. but that's over a month away.. ughhhhhhhhhhhhh

Soooo.. here I sit in limbo..