"take into consideration the kid has no social skills because he spent birth through age 9"

Then it sounds like you should be blaming the people who allowed that to happen...his PARENTS. You can't expect 9 years of bad parenting to be undone in 3.

To be honest, much of what you wrote makes me wonder if he has autism that hasn't been diagnosed. I'm no doctor but much of what you wrote about him is synonymous with the symptoms/signs of autism. Especially this: "Don't take into consideration the kid has no social skills because he spent birth through age 9 being parented by electronics.. he can not read people and know when they are sending non verbal - or verbal cues to knock the shit off.. nope. He just keeps running his mouth and acting like a jackass.." His parents could have picked up on the signs, but not have done anything about it and just let the electronics take over. Or it could be both autism and bad parenting. I don't know. But it is definitely something DH should look into. If SS does indeed have autism, getting the proper treatment, help and support could really help him. My cousin has autism. He uses electronics all the time. He cannot pick up on nonverbal cues. He "runs his mouth." He is certainly not a jackass. He is someone who needs and deserves help in coping with a real disability. I have Asperger's Syndrome. I struggle with nonverbal cues as well and love my electronics. I have my quirks that are surely annoying to others. Does that make me a jackass? Nope. I am someone who needs and deserves help in coping with a real disability.

Your SS may well be a person who needs and deserves help in coping with a real disability. At the very least, he is a person who needs and deserves help.

You can hate the kid, but I don't think it'll get you anywhere. But being angry at one of the people who made him that way- your DH- might. It might get him to realize that his son needs help.

On a whole, I DO think too many parents are quick to diagnose children with ADHD and the being on the Autistic spectrum (which includes Aspergers and PDDNOS) when they don't actually have it (actually, this statement is only partially true, Every person on this planet, to some degree, is on the spectrum for both every mental disorder known to mankind--it' just the severity that defines whether or not they get diagnosed).

I think the overdiagnosing is a huge epidemic in America. I've worked with kids who have ADHD and Autism/Aspergers--try a child who doesn't sleep for 24 hours at a time because he just can't stop, goes from 0-60 in intensity when even slightly excited, eyes constantly moving from stimulus to stimulus, kids who freak out and hit the walls when their schedules are disrupted even slightly, etc. Yet some parents, and I see many of them because they sign their kids up for our classes, claim their kid is on the spectrum or has ADHD, when it's clearly they either don't parent, or they don't know HOW to parent, and subsequently their kid has behavior issues that are isolated, or coupled with maybe one or two other individual behaviors.

Newsflash: If your kid has trouble making friends, that doesn't mean they automatically have Aspergers--making friends is a SKILL that needs to be taught. I can't stress how many times I've heard "My child doesn't make friends easily because he's on the spectrum/has ADD/ADHD, so other kids don't understand him." but when placed in a cooperative activity (in. my case, martial arts), they do just fine. It drives me up the walls.

Even if the kid does have ADD, okay, what are you going to do about this diagnosis? The diagnosis is not the end game itself. It's not meant to be used as an excuse. It's to identify a problem so that the people can begin to work on a solution to better everyones lives who are involved.

My SS15 has "Several symptoms of Asperger's" (my husband would only let me get him tested if there was no label put out there) and he can not read social cues at all. We have worked extensively with him and with multiple counselors. We haven't been able to fix the inability to read non-verbal and facial communication but being open and understanding with him has helped relieve much of his anger and fear. Imagine yourself being dropped into another world where not only can you not speak the language you can't even see or hear what everyone around you is saying. That would make me pretty angry and frustrated. I agree with not2sureimsane... on the martial arts. Martial arts are great for autism spectrum because it builds self confidence, self control and they get exercise.

Have you tried flat out ignoring the bedtime game? He's controlling you and probably getting quite a kick out of any reaction, what would a few nights of just not letting him get any attention at all for it hurt? So what if he doesn't put pjs on and brush his teeth for a few nights, I promise his teeth wont fall out. I finally just told ss15 "I'm not going to fight with you, since you have made the choice not to take care of your teeth you will have to get yourself to the dentist and pay for it with your own money." Done, I have no idea nor do I care if he is brushing his teeth I focus on helping him function as close to normal as he can.