All I feel like I ever do Is piss and moan!
I am engaged to be married and I have 3 kids of my own and my fiancee has 2 kids. I swear sometimes though I am a "single parent to 5 kids". My fiancee is 53 and I am 36 and I absolutely love him dearly and we have been dating going on 3 yrs. now but my gosh I just don't know if he is just getting totally dependent on me to remember everything or what? on wed. nights his kids come to our home and stay the night each and every week. I tell them EVERY wed nite. to gather their shoes, coats, homework all up put it in their backpack and have it by the door so that when it's time to go home thurs morn. then it's all together. My fiancee's son was on the patch for ADD problems so I asked my fiancee every morning does your son have his patch on? his reply is "i don't know." It's like if I don't ask and remind my BF it wont get done, Then we found out yesterday that his son is not on the patch anymore that his meds got switched to Adderal. I swear he's about the most wussy- picky brat (sorry) I have ever seen! this is why.. this morning I asked my fiancee once again did you give your son his pill? "no let me go and get it" so he did. My BF says his son wont take a pill unless it's in applesauce so my BF opens up the little individual packets of applesauce and breaks the pill open like he's supposed to do (because the kid can't swallow a pill) and mixes it all up for him to eat, well the kid starts b*tchin saying "dad didn't do it right" "your supposed to put it on a spoon" and sprinkle the med on top then take it that way. All along I am thinking to myself if you were my kid I would force it down your throat! it all goes down the same hole! I was getting so pissed. so my BF got another pill and did it just the way his precious son liked and the brat still didn't take it. He just stared at it. His mother came and I talked with her about it (and personally I can't stand to look at that woman) but he's getting back on the patch again because of all the darn ruckus he caused this morning. I can't stand the way he talks back to his dad and this morning my kids were listening and watching my BF's son act like a crazy fool. I told the kid he better quit acting that way around my kids like that! I don't like that behavior around my little ones.
Anyway I don't know if my BF relied on his ex when he was married to take care of EVERYTHING? because I find if I don't remind my BF of this and that he just forgets. There are things I ask his kids to do and I ask him to do and they just all either don't hear me or they all forget! I feel like sometimes I am just here taking care of everything...and if I relied on my BF to remind me of things I set for myself I would never make it.
I don't forget alot of things because I have alot of reminders set in my phone and I write on the calendar alot. I document everything and I guess I'm just to the point now if my BF or his kids forget something and I remember, I just don't say anything sometimes because I feel like I just sound sometimes like a b*tchy mom. It seems like sometimes I am the only one that keeps up on top of things. Do any of you women out there feel like this?
I hear you
My BF35 has to be reminded to do lots of stuff, pay his bills, change my oil, call his mom, stuff like that. I guess it comes with the territory. I am used to it. My kids forget stuff and my ex was totally dependant on me to remember everything - even his own mothers birthday!
Try to disengage from doing it all the time. It is your BF's responsibilty to his kids to be sure they get there meds, school stuff ready, take a shower, etc.
It happens.
I'm always flattered when strangers that I am my skids' mom, but my husband had better not make the same mistake! Some dads have a hard time differentiating between being "the mom" and being "their mom." You are "the mom" in your home, so it's easy for him to let that slide into being "their mom" in your home.
If it's bothering you that much, just stop doing so much for his kids. That will force him to do it himself. And if he dares to say anything to you about it, you can always say, "Hey, they are YOUR kids and that makes them YOUR responsibility, not mine." I don't mind helping. Most of us don't. I've always jumped in and done for my skids. BUT... I don't have a husband who is content to sit back with his finger up his nose while I do it all. If Dad is not hands-on enough, the only way to change that is for you to be less hands-on.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
I agree.
I think all your responses are exactly what I'm thinking. It just seems like when I keep up on everything it sometimes just creates stress on me and in order to not have that stress sometimes I just don't say a word. I just figure if he wants to get the rude call from the ex them let him get it. At least the ex will be the one that they all look at and watch her mean calls, and actions. My BF is on some medicine right now for a cold and he has to take it at certain times for like another week or so, so I have an alarm in my phone to remind him to take it. Last night I decided not to remind him and well he took it but it was an hour behind. I wonder if he needs me to put it in his mouth like a child to? or he might forget. LOL!!!
I really think that when my BF was married his ex was the one that took care of everything. My ex was totally the opposite he took care of the majority of stuff, actually i think there was more balance in stuff that needed to be done around the house, just not a loving relationship at all. Then I look at my BF and he has alot of great qualities I like about him and we really connect well, but then some things don't get done like up above if I don't remind him. I find alot of times I can now wake up with a smile on my face. Where as before a few years back I just couldn't even be myself.
All the time
Yes! I used to feel that way all the time, that when when I took a step back and disengaged. Of course, you will get shamed by everyone including DH for doing that too, because a stepmom can't ever be right, right? Maybe DH needs the patch more than his son, if he is that distracted?
Why exactly would you marry this failed father, man, and adult?
Or take on his failed family breeding experiments? More importantly, whiy would you expose your own children to this shallow and polluted behavioral gene pool?