this would be such a huge nightmare for me.

With us it would be inlaws for the school week, them probably me and DH every weekend.

Both work schedules are such that it would be impossible. Now, if we had to, obviously DH would have to figure it out with school, childcare etc... SD is 15 but too immature to be by herself. Sad, actually.

My SD is 23 now but she is so dependent on BM that I still pray for BM to live a long, healthy life.

BM has always counted on her own mother a lot (for child care and such) so had BM died and SD lived with us, I really don't know how it would have worked. DH did not make enough money for after school care. I suppose he would have just had to figure something out, people do it everyday.

I have never wanted kids so it would have been quite an adjustment. My DH has always been a great care giver and nurturer so that would not have been a problem but it still would have infringed on my child free life one way or another (school work comes to mind, not my DH's strong suit).

It would have been sad for SD, as she has a brother who is not DH's and there is no way in hell I would have agreed to take him in (his dad died when he was a baby).

Thankfully, it never happened (although life without BM's crap would have been grand).

It is a lot to think about and there are both pros and cons.

The SS's would live with us. We both work over 40 hours a week but wouldnt quit our jobs. SS12 can get off the bus and let himself in until we get home. He knows he can go to neighbors or call my mom who is 10 minutes away.

Nothing would change since BM is a deadbeat loser. I guess the only positive would be my SO would save $40 (for gas & food) every third or forth month as SD wouldn't go there to visit. Whoo Hoo! Let's play what would happen if BM could stop living on her friends couch, get a job and be responsible?

If BM were to die, Stepfather of SD20 would probably throw her out on her ass the next day. No doubt she'd end up here and all hell would break loose as we made it clear we were not a revolving door. There is always hope she'd go to a grandparent instead.

Agree with LadyFace. Families today for the most part have two working adults. Kids still get to school everyday and somehow manage to survive the afterschool thing. Nothing 'special' about it. I watched my neighbor lady load up her SUV this morning at 5:30 and drive off with her three little ones. No idea where she takes them but her shift at hospital starts at 7am.

I assume if the OP's husband would find himself with his three kids unexpectedly and suddenly, he'd do the same type of thing. He'll figure it out. My own DH raised his son (my SS) all by his lonesome from birth to about 8ish when I came along and DH and SS joined me and my son. We went on to have three more children. We both worked.

It's called child care and reworking your schedule. Your husband would no longer be paying for child support so you would even have some extra money to put towards it. I was brought up in a household where both of my parents worked. I think it is great for kids to see working adults in their lives. In fact my SD7 did come to live with us a few weeks ago with no notice, as BM finally realized she can't provide a safe home for her. My husband and I have rearranged our work schedules so that we can get her to school etc. I do the mornings, he collects her in the afternoons. If we couldn't do that we would have to put her in an after/before school program. As others have said, you adapt. Absolutely stand your ground and keep your job but understand that within that there may be options to be flexible so that the two of you can work as a team to look after the kids. Of course it shouldn't only you being flexible, your husband will need to take on a lot of the responsibility himself.

I agree with other posters, may families have both parents working FT.

And.... never say "never"... I was 36 and had a 5 y/o and 3 y/o when their father passed away. Up until the time he got sick, we both worked full time (both of us worked in a city 25 miles from our hometown) and I took my kids to daycare every day. When first DH passed away, I was still living in our hometown, driving my kids to daycare and going to work in city 25 miles away, doing it all on my own.

I agree that IF you are not prepared to ever have children or take on the responsibility of children, then you shouldn't put yourself in that potential situation.

Also, I think the word "can't" is often overused.... as in "DH CAN'T do school runs" -- moms do it all the time. Why not dads? I was the primary breadwinner in my first marriage and I did it all.

Sounds strange, but i'd gladly take the skids. The aren't happy with her. Not that I wish death on her (maybe I have when angry) but the kids would be a lot better with us. And I would take full responsibility for them. And I wouldn't mind, I'd do it for my partner. However I am sure I would moan on here frequently!

The kids are old enough for after school day care and the eldest is nearly old enough to start riding the bus and being home after school alone for a couple of hours. Neither you nor DH should have to quit your job or even adjust your hours for that matter.

We were both working when SS was in elementary school. We would alternate dropping him off at school on our way to work in the AM and alternate picking him up from afterschool day care what was provided by the YMCA at his school. When he started middle school he walked to and from school about 1.5 miles each way and he was home alone for an hour or two. No issues.

The demise of the blended family opposition parent would be difficult for the Skids and having some stability in the home of the surviving parent will be critical for them to effectively deal with their grief and transition through the grieving process. However, it is not necessarily a catastrophic thing from a blended family perspective. If the deceased parent was a toxic idiot who manipulated and would not work reasonably with the surviving parent then IMHO it is actually a positive thing for them to be pushing up daisies.

How I wished for a catastrophic meteor strike on a Sperm Clan family reunion (not attended by my Skid).

Agree with others, you adjust. DH and I have 3 kids and we both work. When we first found out we were having twins I didn't know logistically/financially how we'd make it work either - but you do what you have to and you figure it out.

As to whether you'd become a SAHM, that's entirely up to you. No one can force you to quit your job and stay home for the kiddos. DH may ask, but you just say no, that's not going to work, I would be miserable as a stay at home mom! Then you look for relatives, day care, school bus schedules, neighbors, whatever.

If the thought of being blindsided is worrying you, just decide now what you'd be willing to do if they were with you full time. Not quit your job, obviously. Could you cut some expense and help contribute to day care? Would you do the kids laundry? Would you want to be hands-off (like the Cool Aunt role) or expect to be an equal parent? (Either is fine, it's entirely what you're comfortable with.)

IF - and ONLY IF - the worst happened, then you'd be ready for your conversation with DH about where to go from there. (Don't talk about it now, obviously, there's no need to introduce that kind of stressful conversation unless it becomes necessary!) But at least IF it happened, you'll have already thought through what you're willing to compromise and/or contribute.

I'm a single mom and get my kids to basketball, cheer, soccer, dance, theater, drum lessons, and church. Oh, I also homeschool and work from home. I'm sure between you and their father, you will be able to figure it out.

You mean before or after the party?

I would cry.

SD15 would have to come and live with us.

OSD, SS and MSD are pretty dependent on BM and have a close relationship with her and spend a lot of time at her house, so they would probably try to be over to our house a lot more.

It would be my worse nightmare. It would probably be the end of mine and DH's relationship.

same thing that happens when a married couple loses a spouse to death. the living parent takes on both roles.

as much as id love to have BM out of hte picture, the result of course would be my SD14 living with us FT with NO BREAK. it would surely be the end of our relationship as i would not want her in my home that much.

Ya know . . it kinda irks me when people say "You should have thought of that before you got involved with a man who has children!" I have thought about it and I'll be 100% honest - if something were to happen to BM, I would be out the door.

This is because DH is a Disney Dad, and I am not permitted to parent his kids. There is no WAY could I handle the lack of rules/responsibilities/boundaries in my house full time. Nope. No way.

And bravo, Miss Kay 2 - I wholeheartedly agree with your statement "I love the man, I don't love the life, and I don't love the SS."

And I hear ya - maybe if I would have found this website sooner, maybe I would have avoided a lot of heartache.

I'm with those who said it would be a nightmare for them. I'm sure DH would be happy but it would be tough for me. Having her 50% of the time is hard enough.