Normal boy stuff?
I need to ask a general question about young boys and their likes/behaviors. Yes, I realize each kid is unique. But there are some commonalities that tend to exist within genders. Anyway, I'm a female. Grew up with nothing but sisters. I do have one nephew (and a raft of nieces), but he's 14 now and I really wasn't around him all that much when he was young. So, some of SS8's behavior is a bit of a mystery to me and I could use input and wisdom from those who DO have boy experience.
He mostly behaves pretty well. He's spoiled beyond the telling of it and very entitled, but for the most part is well-behaved. If I ask/tell him to do something, he'll do it without complaint or sassing back. Very good about saying "thank you," etc.
Like most kids, he loves watching videos online. He's been into WWE and WWF wrestling shows for a couple of years now (DH and I would rather cut our own eyeballs out) and he'll find related videos. He also has found these videos of grown men engaging in sort of war games where they do things like shoot each other with paint guns without protection, then howl in pain while the others laugh. SS thinks this is hilarious and giggles through the whole thing. I think it's repulsive.
DH commented that he could tell I didn't like the videos (must have been the stink eye I was shooting at the TV) and I said I didn't. That I thought it was disgusting to watch grown men hurting each other and laughing about it. DH doesn't like them either but basically said that it was a boy thing.
SS still lashes out physically at his father and mother — not as much as he used to, but within the last 6 months, I've witnessed it twice. I tend to think that's not normal for a kid who's 8 years old with no developmental delays.
My nephew was into the wrestling thing for about a month when he was 6 or 7 and a couple of boy cousins were, too, so I get that. It's the other stuff that bothers me.
Like I said, I just want to know if that's typical. If it is, no biggie. I'll just leave the room or block it out and go on with my day. But if it's a sign of potential trouble ahead, I'd like to know so I can keep an eye on it.
Thanks!
It's a boy thing
for the most part. His lashing out physically is a different issue that the parents should address but the videos and all of that? Totally normal. My brothers and son all loved wrestling. When America's Funniest videos was on? All of the boys in the family loved the ones where the dad gets hit in the balls. Had YouTube existed I am sure they would have watched the same stuff. Jackass? It was a favorite.
Boys that age also typically love bathroom humor. That is always fun.
These are just general things that are typical of boys. In the end, every kid is different but this is definitely int he range of normal.
That's kind of what I figured
That's kind of what I figured. Just wanted to make sure. You're right that his physical violence is a different issue. I was kind of connecting them but there's a definite difference. I think the lashing out coupled with DH's (and much of his family's) anger management issues have me a little over-anxious and seeing red flags. Thanks!
I think it's similar to male
I think it's similar to male deer competing by locking antlers and seeing who is stronger. Men and boys have that instinctual need to show strength and compete with other males.
Most likely so. To me, it's
Most likely so. To me, it's utterly ridiculous. It's different for them. Like I said, though, I grew up with only one male in the house: my dad. I appreciate the boy-world input!
I know. I watch MMA with
I know. I watch MMA with horror - why does anyone enjoy watching men inflict pain on each other? It blows me away.
My brother
is a local professional wrestler. I have been to one match. I couldn't handle it.
My husband, son, nephews, other brother etc? They love it. It's the best thing ever. My husband doesn't even like sports but live wrestling? So cool according to him.
Same, my DH absolutely hates
Same, my DH absolutely hates sports. But MMA? So cool. UGH.
Normal... and boy behavior?
Normal... and boy behavior? There is nothing normal about boy behavior. Any man can tell you this. We have all been boys and many of us never grow out of it.
The part about lashing out physically
Is not totally normal but it's not completely abnormal. OSS was like that at that age for a while but not with parents, with DS and YSS.
OSS was acting odd when they were getting a divorce and BM got him diagnosed with ADD so she assumed it was a mental problem and for a long time treated him as delayed and mentally retarded all of which is untrue--he eventually got seen by a psychologist who determined he was fine and did not have ADD. She treated him as if he was delicate and wouldn't correct him. DH was cowed by BM so he followed suit. All of this meant that OSS didn't get any guidance on how to act so he did some pretty weird crap. He also wasn't required to managed his emotions. BM did that for him. He had no idea how to sooth himself so he'd lash out at DS and YSS, even coming at them with rakes and sticks.
That only got to happen twice. First time, fine, perhaps they pushed him too hard and got him worked up. The second time, nope, plus I saw what went on. I started watching OSS and when he started getting worked up I stopped him and gave him a "script" of what to say and how to act in the situation. And I came down on him hard if he was after DS in any way. He crossed a line into my territory if he went for my kid physically or verbally. OSS is a smart kid, he learned quickly that around me he had to control himself.
YSS had some pretty sever
YSS had some pretty sever anger issues when he was 8-11. Full meltdown and lashing out, usually at his brother. He lashed out at DH once, and DH just held him still until he stopped. YSS didn't like being restrained, but DH explained that either he would restrain him or someone else would hit him, so he better figure out how to cool it (yes, DH taught him some anger management techniques that he uses).
Once puberty hit, he actually calmed down (or, more appropriately, has done a better job of keeping his cool when he's angry).
I wouldn't condone hitting/lashing out, but I also wouldn't assume he's a psycho. It's a poor reaction to emotional stimuli that his parents need to help him cope with.
Lashing out and being a bully
Lashing out and being a bully should be met with the same consequence. Preferably when an attacked peer or attacked sibling knocks these bullies out cold.
Lather, rinse, repeat until the bully figures out that they are the only one getting stitches when they lash out.
I was the target of bullies until I figured out that getting hit hurts whether I was fighting back or not. So I started fighting back and made sure to inflict damage on the bullies far beyond the pain they were causing me.
After that it only took one severly injured bully per school to send the message not to mess with me.
Lashing out at a parent with violence should be a one time event only and should be met with such severe consequences that the violent kid would crawl into a corner, curl up, and start sucking their thumb if the thought of attacking a parent ever entered their violent little mind again.
There is a reason why this kind of crap is increasingly prevelent these days. This crap never used to happen when a trip to the wood shed was a key point of discipline for illbehaved children. Since the California esteem movement kicked off in the late 60's and early 70's parents have no courage and kids have no boundaries or consequences.
Unfortuneatly.
Sounds like my 8 yr old
Sounds like my 8 yr old stepson even down to the lashing out physically. He’s not a terrible kid. He forgets his manners sometimes and talk to/of BM like crap but she sets the tone for her relationship with him. He’s also allowed to be physical (pushing/shoving) with his other brother at BMs. She chalks it up to being “tough” and being brothers. I on the other hand take it very seriously since we’ve had incidents when BS was young. It’s hard when households have different standards. There’s no excuse for physical violence but in these cases, it’s not a shock the kids confused.
What we do? I don’t leave SS and BS alone together. I moniter their arguments-not saying I jump in them, I let the man solve their issues but I don’t let them get name calling or close to shoving. I remind SS that touching someone else when you’re mad is not normal. He’s the logical sort so I ask him questions like “who do you see pushing people around when they’re mad? Do you see dad push me or me push him when we’re disagree? Do your teachers hit their kids when they don’t listen?” Obviously all the answers are NO. So then I say to him “so why do you think you get to do it?” “Do you know where all the people are who hit other people because they can’t normal? PRISON! Where all the other bad guys are because they can’t follow the rules of life” Usually this is all it takes for my sensitive kid but if your stepchild is more of the willful type perhaps throwing up a Netflix documentary of kid in Jail, with your added commentary on how horrible it seems to be there, might get him to rethink his anger outlet.
I know people are quick to throw out therapy option but when you deal with a bio who doesn’t accept this is not acceptable we have to play by different guidelines to make sure these kids don’t turn out to be bullies or worse.