I am so happy to know that I am not alone, like many of you who have already posted that finding this forum is a relief.

My story - I live with my BF and his son who is with us 50% of the time. He's a good kid, who is happy and well adjusted, his parents co-parent well together and his BM is nice and easy to deal with. The problem is that my BF wants me to love him like I love my niece and nephew (who I adore!) but I just don't feel this kind of attachment or connection with his son. I like his son, would protect him and not want anything to happen to him, support him etc but I don't love him in any other way than like I love my best friend's kids. My BF wants me to be involved in all the kid's activities and enjoy being a "hockey mom" as he put it but honestly I have zero desire and having my life revolve around practice and games etc sounds like a horrible existence to me. I do help when my BF has to work, it's not often but every once in a while I'll babysit but I am adamant about him not just assuming I will. We had that discussion too. He gets frustrated with all of it but I tell him I am doing the best I can, I have made all the adjustments and changes to my life that I am willing to make. We knew each other for years before dating, he knew I never wanted to get married or have kids and that I traveled often when we started dating I knew he had a child and that was his first priority. I didn't expect him to change that and I don't feel like I should have to give up the things that are important for me to be happy. I don't mind going to a game once in a while, or being involved on a limited basis. BUT I often feel completely overwhelmed and have had panic attacks while going to school functions, being around a bunch of parents and kids, even just when the kid is here for several days in a row. It's not him, he's easy, it's all me. I like my space and with a 5 yr old around, you have to claim it which then makes my BF disappointed but man I just need a break sometimes.

I travel as much as I can, it's my passion, I have never had a desire for kids of my own, I am admittedly way too selfish to do that. I have explained all of this to my BF and he seems to understand but it's almost like he is waiting for me to change or fall in love with his son and want to be a "mom". It is never going to happen, I made a choice a long time ago to not be a mother. I sometimes think I made a huge mistake by even dating him and then I fell in love and here we are 3 years later. I know my BF adores me and he is a genuinely good man which is what keeps me here, he is a good partner. IDK, sometimes I am confused and I feel horribly guilty for wanting to keep some of my freedoms...travel, shopping, alone time and for not loving his kid the way he wants me to.

We had a long heart to heart a few months ago and I was blatantly honest about if this will work for me I needed my freedom to pursue my passions, and that our relationship doesn't always mean 3 people are involved that we need couple time, that forcing a "family" environment was making me resentful. He voiced his wants as well and I think we came to a compromise but something inside me still feels like it's not right. Obviously one of my confused days is happening! Thank you for reading/listening.