Fiancé underestimates what SD4 should be able to do... He won't teach her! Help?
My fiancé and I have had our problems.. such as him trying to put a lot of the parenting (most of the parenting) on me in terms of driving SD around or watching her while he works, etc etc. but he's gotten better about things like that lately.. Now theres one issue I really feel needs to be addressed. He doesn't parent or teach SD... as in, the other day, I told him she should help fold clothes, and he was shocked and looked at me like i was crazy. "She can't fold clothes she's 4 years old!"
I showed her once, and of course, she was able to do it fine right away because it's not overly difficult for her age! He seems to want her to stay a baby forever.. He doesn't make her dress herself, doesn't get her to clean up her toys... he's always jumping in and doing things for her. She's never had to do anything, let alone dress herself! I don't think it's fair to her but he thinks my expectations of what someone at her age should learn are too high...
I'm not sure what to do. How do I get him to realize she needs to learn these things? I've explained that if she doesn't get in the habit of tidying her own room now, she'll never do it when she's older. And things like getting dressed and brushing her own hair... she NEEDS to know those things. Am I wrong? Are my expectations too high? I'd teach her all of this myself but she's babied by both parents enough that it's a major fit anytime i ask her to do something as simple as put her shoes on.
Chores a 4 year old can do:
Chores a 4 year old can do: Your DF would be surprised how functional a 4 year old is!
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/437201076299136281/
Yep I showed him a few
Yep I showed him a few different websites listing chores they can do... But he always seems shocked then goes back to doing everything for her! Ughhhh it's making it hard to be alone with her because she doesn't expect to ever have to do anything for herself! lol
^^^^ You can also jump start
^^^^
You can also jump start the process by making a game of chore X or Y. She will do it for the fun and novelty at first. Then she the lightbulb will go on for her about the pride and being a big girl and knowing someone can think highly of you (someone who thinks you CAN rather than you CAN'T).
To make anything a game, just co-opt her favorite cartoons or whatever and make them part of the chore. Example: You smooth out the bedclothes then you do the Rainacorn swirl! (twirl around goofily) Put the pillow in place and jump to space! (highest jump you can manage!) Etc etc.
Oh man this is my biggest
Oh man this is my biggest fear lol I definitely do NOT want to be around a child that can't do simple everyday things..
DP and I actually had a
DP and I actually had a conversation about
1) getting the SDs to help out around the house more (avoiding the word "chores" because that's not acceptable) since DP, he told me, cannot do it all - DISENGAGEMENT WORKS! I am leaving this completely up to him.
AND 2) how to get SD9 more independent in getting herself breakfast, lunch and snacks. SD9 is completely waited on by DP and he's finally getting tired of it. I pointed out that when SD11 was 9 she was starting to do things on her own like getting cereal, making mac-n-cheese, etc. SD9 waits for DP, and I suggested he teach her how to do things in our house like freaking make toast or put a waffle in the toaster, or ANYTHING.
He said something like, well, it's the only time I see her! (not really)
I said, then interact with her! You can talk with her WHILE showing her how to make scrambled eggs, or make toast, or whatever. Don't let her just sit at the kitchen counter and watch you run around for her.
...and yes, lots of dad on here wait on their little girls. To the girls detriment. DP even commented last year that if he had boys he'd expect them to help take out the trash and recycle but with girls...
I said to him then that's completely sexist, wrong and you need to stop that thinking. I was doing all that, plus yard work, mucking horse stalls, and doing all kinds of things as a kid I'd need to know as an ADULT ....but nothing's changed but for ME - backing out of lots of help. Dad's need to experience the issues. Talking does nothing I find out and if he starts a convo about it, I just nod alot and give non-committal answers.
...and there's two bags sitting in our pantry with food rotting in tupperware since Wednesday of last week from SD11. I kept throwing them into the middle of the kitchen (because they aren't going to be in MY way when I need to access the cupboard contents - I do the same thing to empty boxes/bags I find there), he finally got mad and threw them in the BACK area telling me he's going to take care of it b/c it'll just piss me off to have to clean them. I advised him to not throw them in the back area (because he'll forget about them, so far I am right) and to take care of them now. Because lord forbid SD11 has to take care of her stuff!
It's so frustrating! That's
It's so frustrating! That's exactly the problem... As if anyone wants to spend time with a child that's completely helpless! Lol, if she could put her own shoes on and get dressed it wouldn't be so annoying trying to take her out!